1.) Put my shoes on.
2.) Put Lucy & Max’s shoes on
3.) Gather packages for mailing, clothes for cleaning, and checkbook for signing up for swim classes. Plus, phone, keys, sunglasses, pacifier, blankets, bottle of water and several small toys that we apparently MUST bring with us or our safety will be in jeopardy.
4.) Get everybody in car which entails asking for this to happen at least four times. “Lucy, get in the car. Max, get in the car. Everybody in the car. In the car. Get in the car or there will be spanks”
5.) Buckle up. This is where I wrangle with the seat belt and Max and I negotiate who is going to do the buckling.
6.) Get in the drivers seat and buckle up just in time to hear Lucy cry that her precious small toy that is critical to our safety and mankind has been dropped and she can’t reach it.
7.) Get out of car, open sliding door, retrieve toy and return it to safety.

8.) Drive to gas station. While pumping gas Lucy unbuckles herself to show Max how he can use his seatbelt to pretend that he is water-skiing.
9.) Finish pumping gas (@ $3.40 a gallon. Yippee for Texas) and then re-buckle Lucy

10.) Drive-thru dry cleaners (God Bless drive thru dry cleaners)

11.) Park at civic center. Unbuckle me, unbuckle Lucy, unbuckle Max. Ask that both children leave the mini-van so we can go indoors; “Lucy lets go. Max, c’mon out”
12.) Walk into the civic center and ask to enroll Lucy in swim lessons. Response received is “we’re sorry our computers are not working and so I can’t sign you up” – By the way, second time I’ve stopped by and second time their computers aren’t working. Guess what? Lucy isn’t going to learn to swim this summer.
13.) Herd everybody outside with the required “hold hands. hold hands. HOLD HANDS!!!”
14.) Everybody in the car with a “Get in the car. get in the car. GET IN THE CAR!”
15.) Buckling all around
16.) Then the whining begins; “I’m tired. I’m hungry. I thought we were going to the library. Where are we going now?”

17.) Stop at post office repeat steps outlined in #11
18.) Enter post office where Lucy declares in a whine so high-pitched only dogs can hear it “There aren’t any toys here!” As if somehow this greatly reduces the social standing of the post office.
19.) As I reach the counter Lucy says “I have to peepee.”
20.) Repeat steps 13-16

21.) Get to library and repeats steps in #11
22.) Use the bathroom where Lucy says loudly: “the potty isn’t big enough for all of us to fit” and “is the toilet going to flush by itself?” Then Max sticks his hand in the tampon disposal box. Wash hands, dry hands and encourage everybody to not stick hands in mouth (a losing battle with Lucy).
23.) Upon entering the library I outline the rules; “no yelling, no running, no screaming”. I try to encourage the kids to actually look at the books instead of the fish tank but I am woefully unsuccessful. I pay the late fines for the last books we checked out and while this happens Lucy and Max decide to make mommy a “may-pole” and start chasing each other around my legs. I get down and in the angriest whispering tones imaginable I explain that “This is bad. No running! You will stop!” My request is ignored. I repeat request with firmer whispers and the threat of time-outs. Behavior continues – I am now firmly embarrassed and want to flee the library in shame. Outside of library I explain to Lucy and Max that this behavior is wrong and that they were being disobedient. Max giggles. Lucy is solemn. In the car (after repeating steps 13-16)I let them know that Daddy would be very disappointed if he knew what happened. Lucy bursts into tears and begs me not to tell Daddy. This continues for the entire 20 minute drive home. Max periodically agrees with Lucy but really only to make her feel better and to support her cause – he could care less who knew about his antics.

24.) Upon returning home we call Daddy at work (who is already angry and is in no mood to discipline over the phone). Lucy buries her head in the sofa as David scolds her for not obeying Mommy and how disappointed he is. Lucy sobs and tearfully replies “yes, Daddy”. Max is grabbing at the phone wanting to talk to Daddy. David relays similar lesson to Max who, with a smile on his face, meekly agrees and says he’s sorry.
25.) After we hang up I hug Lucy, tell her that I’m disappointed but that I love her very much and that it makes Mommy sad when she disobeys. She says she’s sorry and asks for chocolate milk
26.) I walk into kitchen and cry.