David and I recently got into a conversation about daily chores. I jokingly asked him; “what do you think I do during the day?” I was truly expecting him to have absolutely no idea and although he missed some of the small things he did grasp the big picture. He quickly rattled off, “you do the laundry, all the grocery shopping, cooking, and everything to do with the kids from dressing them to planning their school days”. He left out some of the smaller things like dishes, trash, cleaning the house, buying presents for birthdays, planning family gatherings, etc, etc but I was actually impressed that he recognized as much as he did.
David has a very demanding job that requires that he be out of the house from 8AM to 7PM. There just isn’t a lot of time during the day or weekends for him to “help out”. As a result this is how we divide the work load:
David:
- Pays bills & money management
- Car & home maintenance
- Lawn care
Beth:
- Everything else
- Hires housekeeper to clean house
For some people this may seem unfair, but most of the time this arrangement works just fine. David and I have pretty good communication skills so when one of us needs more help we ask for it. For instance, I’ve already begun asking for more help in the evenings. I’m pregnant and tired and the evening demands of the kids is are hard on me.
This now makes me curious – how do you divide the workload in your house? or do you? Do you strive for everything to be equal? Have you sat down to make a list? Is this a chronic source of tension in your marriage or have you come to peace on this issue? I’ve read in several places that household chores is one of the most common problems married couples face (next to sex and money). I’m always fascinated how other couples navigate this tricky ground. Seriously, how do you split up the work?
I’m not married, nor am I on my own, but I take care of about 90% of the household issues. My mother works full time at the local middle school and she’s a cheerleading coach after school hours and my dad runs his own company, so they’re both very busy day-to-day. My younger sister (she’s 18) is essentially good for nothing and my baby brother (12) is too young to really understand the importance of stuff getting done. So, in addition to college, I do the dishes, cook dinner, fix what’s broken, do some laundry and generally clean the house, plus take care of the bills and manage my dad’s business on the work order and invoice end. And I work for free. It’s… Okay.
Having 4 children (in 3 1/2 years) forced Jed and I to tag team and tag team often. He is in a family-friendly career so he is often home by 4:30-4:45. Being home a lot is a real need Jed has (not that David doesn’t!) and being away from us for too long really brings him down and makes him super cranky. When he is home, he’ll often make dinner and in the morning, before he leaves (which is around 7 a.m.) he will do dishes/feed the dogs/set out breakfast bowls – whatever he has time for. He really just helps wherever he can, whenever he can. We both do bath time and the bedtime routine. It may not seem fair to some, since I don’t work full-time outside of the home, that he helps me do so much but I still really do a ton of things to keep the kids clothed, fed, entertained, the house in somewhat order, handle the money, gifts, appointments, etc. And he tells me that he loves to help me because he wants to serve me and take care of me. Do I need him to take care of me? Technically, no, I could do it all on my own but I love, love, love him for it. I feel like he’s my friend and we’re tackling the sometimes- icky parts of this journey together. And… that’s the Snarr family.