One of the bittersweet things about being a parent is the real-life reflection of yourself in your children. I’ve said before that Lucy is me and she is – including my faults. Tonight as I tucked her into bed we had the following conversation:

Lucy: Will you always be with me?
Me: I will always be with you – sometimes I might have to go to the store or school but mommy always returns don’t I?
Lucy: Yes, but will you always be HERE with me?
Me: Sweetheart, you are stuck with me forever
Lucy: What does “stuck” mean?
Me: It means that we will always be together. That I will always be here for you. That you can’t ever get rid of me. That I will always be here to help you, to love you, to support you.

At this point Lucy collapsed into my arms and hugged me tight around the neck. And this is when I realized that someday I will have to force her to leave me. That someday I will have to demand that she be her own person and not the person I want her to be. Why? because that is the kind of daughter I am. I would and did sacrifice myself in order to please my parents and it was only because of them forcing me to stand up for what I wanted that I ever did. And I never truly found my own personal freedom and strength until I moved five states away. Not because they were dictating me, but because my desire to please was so overwhelming.

Lucy will always be heavily influenced by my opinions and my desires and it is because of this that I will have to be so careful with what I say. I dread the day that she leaves my house but I fear the day I will have to push her to break from me emotionally. Much like my own parents, if I don’t do it she won’t ever be able to stand on her own. Motherhood is a bitch.