Sometime around my senior year in college I realized I wasn’t a very good writer. I was preparing to graduate with a degree in creative writing and I wasn’t truly all that good at it. Perhaps it was the old axiom “I knew what I didn’t know” and that was that I didn’t know how to be a good writer. I never actually pursued a career in creative writing. I went into radio. I’ve spent my entire life fairly comfortable in the fact that I’m an “okay” writer — better than the average Joe.
Earlier this evening during a heated debate about some Kindergarten school applications David and I had the following exchange;
David: This reads like you wrote this in a hurry and didn’t go back to re-read it.
Me: I spent several days writing it and I’ve probably read it a dozen times
David: Well, it definitely doesn’t sound like an English teacher wrote it
Me: Why? because the style is different from yours?
David: This is a losing battle with you because you have two English degrees. I’ll never win this
Me: Are you criticizing the technical aspects of the writing or the style? Because I think our styles of writing are fundamentally different
David: True, but even then your writing is rushed and isn’t well thought out
Me: (rather defensive at this point) Really? It’s not well thought out?
David: (rather angry now) See, this is why I don’t read your blog. You say you want feedback but you don’t. The truth is your writing is fundamentally, stylistically flawed. It is rushed, it is filled with basic errors and it is as if you don’t consider your audience.
And there it is. He said it. He’s right of course, I can’t take criticism, which is probably why I never pursued that career in creative writing. However, that is the nice thing about blogging, right? Those who hate your writing don’t read. I have no editor, no sponsors to please, and I barely have an audience to worry about. And yet his words hit the softest part of my ego. He struck the “King of all truths” that lies at the heart of every writer – I’m not any good.
I suspect I have just launched the Titanic of writer’s block. The very essence of writing is being honest and vulnerable. When somebody, whom you respect, says that your honest and vulnerable writing is actually “rushed and flawed” than you don’t trust yourself. You no longer trust your ability to say or write anything. You question everything; “Am I being authentic? Will my audience relate to this? Does this only make sense to me?” Sigh. This might very well be my last post for a very long time. Well, at least until I remember that I don’t really listen to David half the time.
Keep writing, please. We enjoy your insights and your wit. I would argue that no one likes criticism, even established, “famous” writers. And it’s especially hard to hear things from the closest person to you. Keep writing. Your voice is important.
In my opinion as a blog lurker, I think half the fun of a blog is that it’s not overly polished. If we want smooth and fancy and overly edited writing, we buy a book. We go to blogs for impulse reading–for quick glimpses into other people’s lives, thoughts, and opinions. In particular, I read your blog so faithfully not just because I love you as a person, but also because I love your perspective on things and the way your personality shines through things you write about. Your style is just that–your style. David may see it as “rushed or flawed” or whatever, but that’s also coming from somebody that probably doesn’t spend a ton of time reading those connected in the BlogHer universe (or if he does, he’s missed the point of blogging).
All that to say, if your blog stopped, there would be a large gap in my daily internet life. Please don’t stop.
I’m realizing now that this post sounded a bit like a pathetic appeal for compliments and comments. Although I thoroughly appreciate the support (more than words can say) that was not my intention. I was merely commenting on the process and ego of writing and writers. It is a delicate process.
I also was not trying to throw David under the bus. David is a wonderfully, supportive husband but he can’t help but be both the professional and perfectionist that he is. David is successful because he demands only the best from himself and those around him. I know his feedback was meant to make me better not make me curl up like an armadillo.
Ouch.
I always tell Tom that I want honest feedback, but if he were to really break it to me like this, I’d be pretty hurt. (And I know there have been times when he could’ve been more brutal.)
.
My friend Marie from Memarie Lane? She’s been posting on her homeschooling blog after quitting her regular blog. I hadn’t been on there bec. I’m not that intersted in homeschooling, but when I emailed with her last week, I realized she’s actually writing other stuff on there. Her “real” blog was about 3-4 times as popular as mine, and I couldn’t believe she would stop. But she hated the audience thing.
Anyway, my point is that I’m enjoying the writing on her “private” blog even more than the more clever/polished/topical stuff on her “real” one.
Just tell me what you’re thinking about, what happened today, what you’re hoping for, etc, and I’ll keep reading. I WANT to be able to read about Beth.
I don’t read blogs everyday, but I have read a sufficient number to know that the writing is different from creating a novel! I don’t see how it could be otherwise or busy women with a job and a family would not have time to do it. I think blogging is excellent practice for getting better and better at writing more and more. So what if we rush one or two paragraphs, maybe we just finished a warp-speed day! Our audience is connecting with us BECAUSE we are willing to write, post, be vulnerable and write again and again and again. If we spend too much time perfecting, we can’t produce! So keep writing dear one, we’re reading, and laughing and crying. The tribute to Lucy on her 5th birthday was so very beautiful. Yes, I cried, but I’m her Nana – give me a break!