David has one characteristic that is diametrically at odds with me – his inability to plan/think ahead. I, of course, am a first class planner and am known for discussing next year’s Thanksgiving day plans while still enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. I recognized this flaw while planning our wedding. While my mother and I were busy trying to determine flowers, music, colors, etc David didn’t understand what all the rush was about. I almost killed him. Over the years I’ve learned to appreciate this attribute. I’ve learned to recognize God’s wisdom in putting us together. In other words, I’ve learned to go with the flow a bit more. However, once in awhile these adamantly opposed characteristics rear their ugly heads for marital disputes that are monumental.

From the time the pregnancy test came back positive David indicated that he wanted to send our kids to private school. He had attended a private elementary school and felt that it had given him a solid footing in his education. I, having no strong opinions on the issue, agreed. As the time grew closer for Lucy to attend school I began doing research. I spent close to a year reading about schools, asking families, parents, co-workers, etc. I called schools, visited schools, and read about curriculum choices. I whittled the selection down to three schools which I presented to David in a Powerpoint presentation, including a full financial comparison. (Yes, I am THAT anal retentive). He then selected two schools from my presentation that he wanted to visit in person. After those visitations we selected a school. I then eagerly picked up the reigns and drove the application process until Lucy was accepted and we were ready to pay the bill and sign on the dotted line. Mission Complete!

Although we’ve had the final papers for admission for close to two weeks it is only now, 48 hours before the deadline, that I’ve gotten David to focus on signing them. As he waivered over the papers he turned to me and said; “why are we doing this again? I mean this is A LOT of money. Why aren’t we sending her to public school?” It is due only to the fact that we have been married for eight years that I didn’t instantly begin strangling him. After close to 18 months of research and examining the schools does he only NOW want to talk about this with me? It is only NOW that the costs seem prohibitive? Not the dozen or so times I had talked about it before? Every atom in my body began tingling when he said that. I wanted to say; “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT ALL THE TIME AND ENERGY I’VE INVESTED IN THIS DECISION WAS A WASTE BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT TO SEND OUR KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL?” or maybe something more like; “IF YOU DON’T SIGN THESE PAPERS I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU EAT THEM.”

However, I said neither of these things. I calmly explained (for the 1,512th time) why we had decided on this particular school. I listened to his objections (again) and answered his questions (again) struggling to not let neither sarcasm nor resentment creep into my voice. When my answers failed I pulled out my ace; “you know, you should call your mother and talk to her about this”. My MIL is a woman who has got my back. After a quick fifteen minute conversation David was back on my side and signed the papers. Crisis diverted.

You see a good marriage is not between two people who don’t fight, but between two people who have learned to fight effectively. I could have pointed out his inability to think ahead and how much it drives me crazy, but that wouldn’t have gotten me what I wanted. I needed to let him wander around and turn over all the rocks one last time before he committed our money. I knew eventually he’d sign the papers, he just needed that time. Although if he had delayed signing those papers just a minute longer I would have kicked his ass.