Family Life, Kids

Lucy – The Original

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As a parent you are always looking for yourself in your children, and sometimes you don’t have to look very hard.  You need to only talk to Lucy for thirty minutes to know that she is MY daughter.  The similarities range from the same crooked smile to our painfully logical minds (that exclude common sense).  She talks non-stop, has a strong sense of fairness and a passion for words and books that only rivals my own.  And yet, there are times when Lucy surprises me with her own independent streak – when I realize that she is not a smaller version of ME, but a smaller version of herself.

Lucy has developed an interest in photography.  She has been taking pictures on her iTouch for several months now and with a tiny bit of direction from David has started to develop her own “eye”.  She has been mainly experimenting with textures and nature.  Her natural creative and artistic abilities far out strip my own and are more similar to her father – or perhaps her grandmother – or perhaps Lucy.  Wherever it comes from it most definitely does NOT come from me.

I recently got around to decorating the powder room (it has only taken me 3 years to finally get that done, but whatever – don’t judge).  As I pulled together a couple of small items for the bathroom I printed and framed two of Lucy’s pictures.  The first two Lucy Morley originals.

There is a special feeling when your children excel at something in which you have a shared interest, but there is even greater pride in watching them succeed at something for which you yourself are not successful.  Bravo Lucy.

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Kids

Does God Have A Wife? And Other Important Questions

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Lucy has always been a smart child and although I have never officially had her evaluated for being “gifted and talented” she has ranked high enough on other assessments to know that she most likely qualifies for the label.  Lucy has many of the typical characteristics and qualities of a gifted child. She has an excellent memory, strong observation skills, strong verbal abilities, a deep vocabulary, and an exaggerated sense of curiosity.  Recently, I had a friend point out how characteristics of gifted children are very similar to those who have Asperger’s. I nervously laughed because these two diagnoses are frequently confused.

One of  the more common traits of a gifted child is their propensity to ask questions, and not the normal questions of childhood, but an on-going stream of consciousness that would make the most astute scholar scratch their head.  Many children grow out of the “why” stage at around age 5, but that has never happened with Lucy.  Lucy doesn’t ask what time it is she wants to know how the clock works.  The other night she and I took a walk around the neighborhood and within minutes I realized that she was in a question mood.  We didn’t really have a conversation as much as she rattled off the following questions in quick succession until I could no longer bear it and we went home.

“Why can I see the moon during the day?”

“Could the moon crash into the Earth?”

“If the moon crashed into the Earth would it destroy part of the world or the whole world?”

“How does the moon spin around the Earth?”

“Is it always sunny on the moon?”

“Does God have a wife?”

“Does God have relationships?”

“Do you think God works out?”

“Do bugs get sick?”

“Do bugs throw up?”

“How many sections does an ant’s body have?”

“What does heaven look like?”

“Will I be able to eat anything I want in heaven?”

“Is there candy in heaven?”

“Can I stay up as late as I want in heaven?”

At some point Max barked “Lucy! Stop asking questions!” to which she sweetly replied, “Mommy, says asking questions is good.  Mommy says that I should never stop asking questions.”

Yes Lucy, keep asking questions, just try not to ask them all at once and in sequential order.

Family Life, Homeschool, Kids, Teaching/School

The Reading Ranch

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In January when I realized Max was falling behind in school and still couldn’t read the most basic of words I started making phone calls.  I talked with everybody ranging from Max’s teacher to an academic diagnostician (yeah, I didn’t know they existed either).  I called literacy clinics and psychologists and It was during one of these conversations that I was referred to “The Reading Ranch”.

“The Reading Ranch” is tucked up in a small building next to a home security office.  Max and I walked in and found a very small waiting room with a brown leather loveseat on one wall and two chairs on the other.  The walls were decorated with the appropriate western signs and art. After all, it is the Reading RANCH. Max and I barely had time to relax on the tiny couch when Ms. Kim burst into the room.  Her blond hair towered over her small frame, she wore jeans with a western belt buckle and the southern accent to go along with it.  She gently guided Max into a tiny classroom that was just big enough for him and Ms. Kim.  Thirty minutes later Max emerged with a Popsicle and a smile. Ms. Kim invited me into a private room and gave me her assessment. With grand gestures, and a sweet twang in her voice she explained, “WELL, he’s VERY smart.  He just needs some extra time with his basic phonemes.  Don’t know about dyslexia but I would like to meet with him privately for the first couple of months so we can get him caught up with school.”  Max and I established a date and time and left the Ranch.

I would find out later that Ms. Kim is no ordinary reading tutor.  She has extensive experience in education and is in the process of completing her PhD dissertation in phonics. She believes in small classrooms with two students and one teacher.  All of her students receive a lot of individual attention.

Every Tuesday Max would leave school early and we would make our weekly pilgrimage to the Reading Ranch.  I would sit quietly in the waiting room while Max spent an hour, alone, with Ms. Kim.  She would emerge and reassure me that Max was doing great and making progress.  Max, being a boy, would say nothing.

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And then last week as I was tucking Max into bed he asked if he could read a book to me.  I complied and handed him the National Geographic book on sharks that he had picked out.  He opened the book and with ease and speed he read straight through the book stopping only to point out interesting facts.  I tried not to cry.  He read it AND he understood it.

This woman, married to a bull rider and sportin’ cowboy boots has in less than 20 sessions  turned my son into a reader.  This woman has moved mountains.  How do you thank somebody who sees your child not as a number but as a person? How do you show gratitude to somebody who every week told your child “he can” when he thought he couldn’t?

Max will continue at the Reading Ranch, at least for the foreseeable future.  He has now moved on to advanced phonics and handwriting.  However, it is his confidence and belief in himself that has made it all worthwhile.

Teaching/School

This Ain’t Your Mama’s Report Card

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I do not long for the good ole days.  I find that the days of yore are not good, and in many regards bad. I mean, do we really want to return to racism, sexism and illiteracy? Yeah, I will pass. Thanks.  Recently I have been wishing for the return of one thing from the past — good old fashion report cards.  You know, the ones that had either an A, B, C, D or F.  I received Max’s end of year report card and it was four pages long and required a person with a degree in education to explain it to me. I present exhibit A:

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When I handed this to my sister-in-law she simply said, “I would need the key to understand this” — Oy, a key would be nice, too bad they didn’t send one along.  Even a sheet with directions would be nice. Better yet, one would think an end of year parent/teacher conference might be in order, but alas none of that came along with this report.

Emerging, Developing and Still Emerging — what the hell do these terms really mean? I think my favorite part is where the report indicates that he got 29 questions right, but doesn’t tell me out of how many.  Did he get 29 right out of 30? Or 29 right out of 300?  Because that would really skew my attitude about the scores.  And what is a “DRA Report”? I can think of lots of words that start with “DRA”.  Is it the “Dirty Reading Allowance”? or perhaps “Dual Redundant Apple”?  Same goes for the “TPRI” report.  What does “TPRI” stand for exactly? “Technical Personal Racial Indignation”.

As a parent, how am I supposed to be supporting the school and my child appropriately when I can’t even figure out how he is doing.  I consider myself a rather smart person who can handle complex ideas, but this report card has me scratching my head.  And listen, if I am unsure what to make of it, what about the parents for whom English is a second language? Or what about the parents who only have a high school education? And we wonder why we are perpetuating the cycle of ignorance and poverty.

I recognize that I teach business communication and perhaps that makes me sensitive when it comes to these sorts of communication issues, but really?  Come on people, it shouldn’t require a degree in education to figure out your child’s report card.  The need to protect our children’s precious self esteem by doing away with the pass/fail system of grades is not helping anybody — especially the very people that are supposed to be helping these children succeed, their parents.

Family Life, Technology

Choremonster

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I have a confession to make.  I am a complete failure at getting my kids to do chores.  When it comes to delegation I am much better as a manager than I am as a mother.  As the kids have gotten older their messes have gotten bigger.  I’ve reached a point where I either need to say “screw it. I will just hope that we end up on Hoarders” or “fine, I will beat you into submission”.

And don’t bring up “chore charts” with stickers.  I’ve tried that and inevitably Lucy does all her chores, Max’s chores, earns her prize and then Max is left crying.  She also then follows up every request with, “if I do that will I get a star”?  At some point I get so frustrated I rip up the chart, and tell Lucy she’s a “star-grubber” and to back off.  In other words, it isn’t healthy.

A couple of months ago David directed me to Chore Monster and suggested I look into it and see if I thought it might work for our family.

HOLY. COW.

Chore Monster is in no way compensating me or giving me free stuff for writing this blog post, although I would welcome both because I’m not above selling out.

THIS APPLICATION IS A MIRACLE.

I no longer have to remind my kids what chores they need to do because they both can access a customized list via their electronic device (for my kids it is old i-touch phones). They get reminders when chores are due.  They earn points for each completed chore, and then they can cash these points in for prizes.  DO YOU KNOW ALL THE PROBLEMS THIS HAS SOLVED?

1. ) My kids don’t ask me for ANYTHING – because now they know if they want something they need to earn enough points.  Instead, they just ask me to add it to the prize list.

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2.) I don’t have to nag at my kids to do their chores because they know what they are supposed to do, and if they don’t – they don’t get prizes.

3.) No stealing chores.  Now they each have their own list, and most importantly, they can keep track of their OWN chores.  Checking them off when complete.

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In addition, when the kids complete a certain number of chores they get to play ‘MONSTER CARNIVAL’ which is this little game where they get to spin a wheel and win monsters that they collect. The Carnival, along with other games the kids can play comes with a membership which is about $30 for 6 months.  If you want to use the basic chore application it is free – FREE!!! We started with the free version but after seeing how great it was working with our kids we quickly upgraded.

The interface is cute, slick and easy to use.  The tech support is fantastic with personal emails and fast response. I even made a recommendation for improved navigation and it was changed within 48 hours.

The only critical thing I have to say is that it took us some time to set it up.  David and I probably invested a total of 3 hours spread out over a couple of days to tweak chores, points and rewards to the point where we liked it.  However, it has made the weekly grind of getting chores done so much easier. Not to mention that now Max and Lucy COME TO ME with ideas of chores I can add or ways they can help around the house.  They are willingly making beds, emptying the dishwasher, picking up toys and doing laundry — and that is priceless.

Homeschool

Homeschool Decision Part 4: Time

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Editor’s Note: This is the fifth and final installment in a series regarding my decision to home school my three children.  Here are the links to the introduction, part 1 , part 2 and part 3

I confess that my decision to home school is not a simple matter of numbers and research. I understand that there are intangible concerns that can’t be researched and reconciled away.  These concerns start with, “aren’t you worried that your kids will drive you crazy?” and the simple answer to that question is “yes, yes I do.” I worry about implementing discipline in the classroom.  I worry that Lucy and Max won’t create an octagon of sibling rivalry where they act out every sinister impulse they have ever had towards each other.   However, I feel comforted that these obstacles will be overcome with a little bit of effort.

1.) Time.  The nice thing about not having 18 students, but only having 2, is that I can complete my school day in about 4-5 hours versus the 7-8 the school requires. This means the kids and I will be in the same room together for a short period of time.  This gives us more time for activities outside of the house like music lessons, gymnastics classes, bike rides, field trips, etc.

2.) Experience.  I’ve spoken with several home school families and I’ve read several books and they all say the same thing, which is that the first 3-4 months are an adjustment but the kids actually become calmer and more obedient.  This occurs because your kids are getting the constant reinforcement FROM YOU regarding what kind of behavior you expect from them.  Since children are naturally programmed to want to please their parents they pretty quickly fall into line. The other reason is that they don’t have the constant stimuli and distractions of 17 other 9 year old children.  The best book I read regarding these issues was “So You’re Thinking About Home School” by Lisa Whelchel (and yes, it is that Lisa from “Facts of Life”).  The book is a collection of essays written from different families who made the decision.  If you are thinking of home school, I would definitely start by finding and talking to other families who have made this choice already.

3.) I Actually Like My Kids.  One of the benefits of being an older mom is the greater awareness of the fleeting nature of time. I only have seven years left with Lucy.  SEVEN YEARS.  I have fifteen with Harper.  I have already lived 15 years almost three times over.  That is nothing and the idea that I will be spending more of that time with my kids instead of them being some place else is appealing to me.  The truth is I will be an old grandma and I probably won’t even be around for great grandchildren and so I need to suck all the fun and joy out of my own children’s childhoods.  I won’t have a second chance to do this.

In the end this is a very personal decision (like any other parenting choice).  Right now I feel that this is the best place for my kids.  Will I feel the same way in two years or three years or five years? I have no idea.  For those who want to learn more I’m providing you a list of links to some of the resources I have utilized to make this decision.

The Texas Home School Coalition – this is the Christian lobbying organization for home school families in Texas.

“The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child” by Linda Dobson – I loved this book and it was a great guide to what to expect that first year and how to prepare for it.

Penelope Trunk Blog –  Penelope Trunk is a career blogger, but she also home schools her two boys.  She also has Aspergers.  I like Penelope because she is very steeped in current research and like me, does little without first consulting the experts.  Be warned, this is not some warm fuzzy religious high moral home school blog.

SAIL – the Collin County Home School Co-op

PEACH – Plano Christian Home School Co-op

And of course, I must acknowledge the great support I have received both from David’s family and my own.  This is a controversial decision. For many people it is difficult to understand why I would do something that seems so drastic.  Hopefully this series of blog posts makes my thinking a bit easier to understand. If you still don’t agree – well, that is okay. We can totally still be friends.

Family Life, Kids

Llama, Llama

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His big brown eyes wide open and his soft pleading voice, “please mama, one more time.” I of course would relent. Max would snuggle his little head against me and I would start, “llama, llama red pajama”.   Between age 3 and 4 I read “Llama, Llama Red Pajama” almost every night to Max.  He loved that book.  However, as he grew up, the book became “too baby” and it was shoved to the back of the bookshelf.

Recently Lucy has developed fears – irrational fears — and for a child who is painfully logical this has been challenging (both for her and me).  Bedtime has become a time of unbridled terror.  Lucy shakes and cries and lists a string of fears that would frighten even the most stalwart safety officer.  She fears everything from tornadoes, to bad guys breaking in, to a bomb in our house.  In one minute she will admit the absurdity and the next she will shake in fear. I’ve tried several things to help her get past this stage but nothing has helped.  Recently, she begged me to let Harper sleep in her room.  I agreed, and before I could finish my sentence Max had moved in as well.

As I tucked the girls into the bed, and Max on the floor, Harper asked for me to read her a story. All of her books were in her room and I didn’t have the energy to slink down the stairs so I dug through Max’s bookshelf and tucked away was “Llama, Llama Red Pajama”.  I opened the book and started, “Llama, Llama Red Pajama reads a book with his mama”.  Max sat straight up and Lucy leaned over.  I sung my way through the book, incorporating all the sound effects and hand motions that I did with Max.  The kids laughed and squealed and the last page was finally turned.  Max quietly said, “I love that book. I remember you reading that to me.  I love when you read to us.”

The next night everybody was snuggled in and the book came out.  Max sat up and said “can I read it to Harper?”  I handed him the book and in his soft voice he quietly and slowly glided over the words, doing his best to duplicate my sound effects and voice inflection. He turned the pages carefully, looking at each picture.  When finished he looked up at me and said “I don’t read it as good as you.  Can you read it again?” I assured Max that he read it just fine and that a second reading wasn’t necessary.  Harper stood up in the bed and screamed “Sissy turn! Sissy turn!” So Lucy grabbed the book from Harper and she read it.  She flew through the rhymes, screaming at every exclamation point and finished the book in two seconds.  Harper then yelled “mama turn!! mama turn!!”  Lucy, Max and I all looked at each other and laughed in understanding, knowing that a toddler’s demands are not easily dismissed.  I read it again and as I read the last line of the book, “Baby llama fell asleep”, Max said, “and that is exactly what I’m going to do.  Night, night mama. I love you.”

I got up from the bed to see my three little Llamas all tucked into their beds, snuggled close to each other.  *snap* memory captured.

Homeschool

Homeschool Decision Part 3: Socialization

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Editor’s Note: This is the fourth installment in a series regarding my decision to home school my three children.  Here are the links to the introduction, part 1 and part 2

School is more than just reading, writing and arithmetic.  School is where we learn about standing up for ourselves.  It is frequently the first time we are exposed to people of different faith, values and culture.  It is also the place where we learn to challenge ourselves to succeed in an uncomfortable situation.  School is also where we learn about deadlines, timelines, and doing work because we HAVE to do it, not because we WANT to.   In other words, am I worried about my kids growing up to be socially awkward, insecure and incapable of functioning in society?

It is true that many people choose to home school out of a desire to raise their children in a societal bubble.  This is NOT what I want to do.  So then the question becomes how do you recreate this at home?  And are all home school kids really awkward and nuts?

The Numbers

In 2011, Dr. Richard G. Medlin, a professor and researcher of psychology at the University of North Carolina,  published a study in the Peabody Journal of Education regarding the socialization of home school students.  In this study he interviewed and surveyed adults who had been home schooled as children.  The conclusion of his study can be summed up with this quote:

“Home-schooled children are acquiring the rules of behavior and systems of beliefs and attitudes they need. They have good self-esteem and are likely to display fewer behavior problems than do other children. They may be more socially mature and have better leadership skills than other children as well. And they appear to be functioning effectively as members of adult society”

This isn’t the only study that has come to this conclusion but it is the most recent and is the only study that includes the survey of adults.  Statistical research is all well and good but how do you guarantee this is going to happen?  Like all things with home school it comes down to the parent.

Clubs & Organizations

My children will continue to participate in the extra curricular activities that they have already been involved.  Their best friends will remain their friends with play dates and other activities that they already do together outside of school.  In addition to this my kids will be taking music lessons and we will be joining a home school co-op.

The home school co-op we will be joining is a non-religious group of 400+ families.  This co-op organizes field trips,  as well as science clubs, debate clubs, boy scout troops, girl scout troops, 4H clubs, and other activities. In addition the co-op format allows me to teach the children of other families in exchange for them to teach my children a possible subject that I don’t know as well.

The Law

And then Tim Tebow happened.  For those who don’t follow football, Tim Tebow was the winning quarterback from Florida State University.  He was home schooled.  He was heavily recruited and scouted by college football programs due to his participation in a public school football team.  Recently in Texas the “Tim Tebow Law” was passed.  This law says that public school systems are required to allow home school students to participate in all University Interscholastic League activities.  This includes things like speech clubs, athletic teams, band, orchestra, choir, debate, etc.

In addition to this, it has been proven that home school children usually mature faster because they spend more time in mixed age group settings.  In other words, they don’t spend 7 hours a day only around other 8 year old children telling fart jokes.  Then there is the obvious, no longer will I need to explain to my children why we don’t allow them to watch R rated movies in first grade, or deal with bullying.  And don’t you dare tell me that bullying is just “part of childhood” that forces us to be “stronger”.  No, it is a part of childhood that creates detrimental self talk that we all live with for the rest of our life.

Okay, so the academics are solid and there are plenty of resources to support my children socially but I know what you are thinking.  Are you crazy? Do you really want to spend that much time with your children? And how do you even start thinking about educating your own kids?  Well, I will talk about all of that in the next and last blog post on this subject.  If you have questions please feel free to leave them in the comments and I will answer them as honestly as I can.