It is supposed to be 104 here in Dallas this week and so I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve learned since living in such savage heat.

1.) Do NOT leave your chapstick in the car
2.) The metal clasp of a seatbelt can easily be used as a torture device
3.) You really can fry an egg on the sidewalk
4.) Do NOT walk barefoot outside, on cement
5.) When they say 104 that doesn’t include the “heat index” which means if the sun is shining you are going to feel like your skin is melting off of your bones.
6.) Do NOT leave anything plastic (like a small toy or play house) outside
7.) Rain can instantly evaporate as it hits the ground. Seriously – I’ve gotten stuck in a rain storm and never actually been wet.
8.) I don’t care how I look in a tank top, sandals, bathing suit or other small items of clothing – it is REALLY, REALLY hot and you are lucky I’m wearing clothes at all.
9.) Pray that your A/C doesn’t break or the electricity go out
10.) It doesn’t matter how long you run the tap water it will NEVER get cold.

I’m going to go sit on my ice block and wait for October to get here.

A while back I was lamenting about not being able to eat cookies on my diet. I mean really, what kind of healthy diet do you people expect me to follow? I’ll give up cereal and butter but you are going to have to pry my chocolate chip cookies out of my dead hand. Well, my friend Laura came to my rescue with this great recipe for brownies. When I made the brownies, ate the brownies and awoke from my chocolate stupor I wrote this lovely post thanking her. Well Laura, being the kind of girl who just can’t stop giving, responded with a recipe for cookies that used beans instead of butter. No, you did not read that wrong BEANS INSTEAD OF BUTTER! Since the brownie recipe turned out so well I threw caution to the wind and broke open a can of Northern Beans and gave it a shot. Well, here is the result:

These cookies were scrumptious and you could not taste beans at all. My kids loved them and Max has already eaten three in the time that it has taken me to write this post. All I did was drain one can of Northern Beans and beat it by itself in my mixer. I then added my sugars (I used Splenda, but regular sugar would work too), vanilla, eggs and flour mixture (just follow the recipe on the back of the chocolate chips bag). Baked them like I would regular cookies and they turned out great. Now, they are bit more cake-like than normal cookies, but other than that you can’t tell the difference — oh, except for the extra family flatulence you can probably expect later in the evening.

Okay, so I was completely planning on writing this lovely post for Friday that had all these great pictures of my kitchen transformation from humble suburbia to model home. However, due to a string of house guests, delayed contractors and 90+ degree weather (which really has nothing to do with it but I felt the need to complain about it) I won’t be posting pictures on Friday. Alas, my house still looks like a small FEMA crisis has occurred and I don’t think I will be digging myself out of it until late Sunday. In the meantime, here is a wee bit of a preview of things to come:

My best friend Kym came to visit this past Tuesday. I met Kym in college and we quickly became friends and started dating sets of roommates, because that is what best friends do. However our friendship is far deeper than that. Kym is the kind of friend who tells me when I’m wrong, stupid or being prideful. She is the friend who knows that when I’m hurting I make jokes and the better the jokes the worst the pain. She also knows not to laugh. She is frequently the first person I call when disaster strikes and the first person who I want to share my successes with. She’s also a trained therapist and to be honest, it is always good to have a friend who is professionally trained to give you advice. She’s the kind of friend who would make sure my eyebrows got waxed if I was in a coma and loves my children enough to tell them to use their manners and not pick their nose.

When we are young girls our list of friends is long and endless. It is also constantly rotating. By the time we’ve reached high school we’ve narrowed it down to 6 really good friends. College weeds out the friends from high school that don’t merit lifetime friendship and by the time you have kids you are down to 3 or less friends that still call you and will continue to talk to you even while your child screams in the background. Friendship becomes more precious and harder to come by as we get older. Most of my dear friends are spread across the country and we rarely see each other. Most of them have dwindled down to Christmas cards and a yearly phone call, some perhaps just a periodic email with some pictures.

As I can begin to see 40 in my near horizon (far closer than I’d like to admit to) I could not be more appreciative of Kym’s friendship. Perhaps that is why so many women blog – we yearn for that connection, a connection to each other that we miss from grade school. The knowledge and the feeling that we are not alone.

When we bought this house David and I had no intention of being here longer than 5 years (it has been 9) and we really didn’t expect to have two children while living in this house. As a result we have maximized every inch of space we have (including my triangular shaped linen closet – no, I’m not lying). One of the reasons why we bought this house was because of the kitchen. I love to cook and wanted a kitchen with plenty of counter space. Well, we got it, and it was cream colored Formica. Now, you don’t think of this as being an issue when you are 30 and childless but after 9 years you begin to realize how much “stuff” shows up and stains cream colored Formica. Well, we finally ripped the Formica out this summer and replaced it with granite (thank you George Bush and all you nasty republicans for that tax cut – couldn’t have done it without you). Over the next couple of days I’ll be posting pictures of our wonderful transformation (as well as the new built-in cabinets in the living room).

HOWEVER, you can’t clean granite with 409, which is what I’ve been scrubbing my Formica with these past 9 years. I also wanted to spruce up my wood, albeit cheap, cabinets. I went to my local Target and bought two things that really worked for me.

Clorax Green Works All-Purpose Cleaner
It is environmentally friendly. What this means to me is that I recognized almost all the ingredients on the label. That has to be a good sign. It is also safe on granite. It cleans pretty well and leaves a lovely smell behind – could you ask for more?

Method Wood Cleaner
I must admit I bought this because of the container (some packaging designer is doing a little happy dance right now). I should confess that I haven’t bought a lot of wood cleaners so I don’t have much to compare this to, but this did a nice job on my cabinets and smells like almonds. And as you can tell from my previous comments smell is a big deal for me.

So I guess this means that my kitchen now smells like lemons and almonds. Hmmm, not a bad smell really. Come back tomorrow when I’ll be posting the transformation pictures.

Shortly after dinner the question gets asked, “Daddy, can we play Photoshop?” That is right, at 4 yrs old David is teaching Lucy to be a junior designer. Off they march into the office. David opens up iTunes and Lucy gets to select music (she almost exclusively selects Christmas music). Then she confidently exclaims “Daddy, tonight I think we should make a party of birds — not too big but big enough”. And with that they are off. Periodically, I hear David explain what “layers” are or which “brushes” they should use. After about 45 minutes Lucy comes prancing out of the office proudly holding their most recent creation. I appropriately “ooh” and “aah” and then it gets hung on the refrigerator. It is with great joy that I present to you “Art by Lucy”.

I’ve spent almost my entire life wanting to talk about everything. I have no verbal filter and will frequently ask the most personal questions, or better yet, share the most personal information without thinking, except now. I suddenly don’t want to talk about the miscarriage, with anybody, (which makes you, faceless Internet, the perfect candidate).

There are times when I’m relieved that I’m not throwing up constantly, or gaining weight, or feeling so tired I want to cry. However, I also have moments when the thought that perhaps my chance for that third child is gone is heart breaking. I find myself constantly watching other mothers with three children or newborns and asking myself “do you wish that was you? are you glad that it isn’t?” Sometimes the answer I get is “whew, don’t want to go back to bottles, and throw up and sleepless nights” and other times I just ache. The emotions I feel are so awkwardly at odds with each other that it is just easier to not talk about it. When someone says “How are YOU doing?” it is just simpler to say “great” than “well, I’m not sure if I’m glad I’m not having a child or sad that I might never have another child”.

The other day Lucy asked me about the baby:

Lucy: Mommy, when is Halloween?
Me: Oh, several months from now
Lucy: before the baby comes right? because the baby is coming at Christmas
Me: No honey, I told you, God took the baby back to heaven. We don’t have a baby coming
Lucy: (incredulous) BUT I WANT A BABY! WHY ISN’T THE BABY COMING? YOU SAID IT WOULD COME AT CHRISTMAS TIME! YOU SAID IT!!!
Me: I know sweetheart, but God decided it wasn’t time for the baby to come to Earth yet
Lucy:WHEN WILL IT BE READY? WHEN WILL GOD SEND THE BABY BACK?
Me: I don’t know sweetheart, I just don’t know
Lucy: Hmm. (silence) I like Halloween Mommy.

And therein lies my peace. I like Halloween too and before that will be my birthday and there are several other things between now and when the baby would come to look forward to. I can’t make time hurry up. I wish I could. I wish I knew how to make heads or tails out of this situation but I can’t. I can tell myself a hundred times that I am okay but I’m not. But I do know that someday I will be – someday this will be clear to me — someday I’ll know the answers.

As many of you have realized the annual BlogHer Conference is currently being held in San Francisco. Most of our favorite bloggers have taken these past couple of days off to attend this conference and as a result we are all left reading our own pathetic attempts at being funny. (Okay, perhaps I’m the only pathetic one.) Well, a very lovely blogger named Pensieve, decided to host a blog-social of sorts for those of us who cannot afford to go to San Fran.

So, as I virtually “mix and mingle” I’d like to first say that you can find out more about me here. I’ve also included some thoughts on our favorite bloggers who are currently whoopin’ it up in San Fran.

Dooce
Let’s be honest, would she be funny if she DIDN’T use the f-word? Don’t get me wrong, I love Heather and I don’t even know her. She is the “Oprah of the Blogosphere” and without her none of us would think what we had to say was relevant. (is it? relevant? Hmmm.) Let’s all confess right now. We all secretly hate her because she’s skinny, she takes great photos, she has wonderful taste and she’s making a living off of her blog. If any of us were given the chance to change places we probably would. There, I’ve said it, and you know I’m right.

Mighty Girl
You can’t talk about Heather without talking about Maggie. I mean after all, they are the Matt Damon and Ben Affleck of the blogosphere. If Maggie were in town blogging she would be telling us about these wonderful heels that she found, or this fabulous food that she ate, or some strange person she watched on the bus. Oh, and there would be great photos to illustrate said observation.

Finslippy
Well, Alice just rounds out the pack. Sort of the George Clooney or Brad Pitt to the previous duo. But alas, poor Alice has had a tough year. She’s had a rough patch of writer’s block and then on top of it a miscarriage. Being a woman who has also recently experienced a miscarriage I do not have the heart to poke at her. I’m glad to see her returning to form and I’m sure she’ll have lots of new “Henry” material when she returns from her 2 week trip.

It’s great meeting y’all. Blog On Man – Blog On.