One of the professional hazards of being an English teacher is that people give you books. If you’re a doctor people always want to share their illnesses with you. As an English teacher people constantly start conversations with; “oh, have you read ‘so and so’ book? It was fabulous”. Yeah, don’t care. So, one of my students brought me a copy of “Twilight” by Stephanie Meyer and insisted that I read it. Well, normally I wouldn’t have even bothered looking but my bloggy buddy, Jane, over at “What About Mom” had recently done a review and said it was good. Well, I trust Jane’s opinion – a BYU grad and fellow English major.

Well, I’m going to take the easy way out of this review by just linking to Jane’s review because it is much better than anything I could say.

However, I will add my two cents. Although I loved this book enough that I read all 600 pages in one day (yes, I have an addiction). I do have a couple of criticisms. First of all I didn’t think it was as well crafted as a “Harry Potter” or “Pride & Prejudice”. Although the story is interesting, a page-turner, intriguing the writing itself is rather bland. My second criticism is that I thought Bella’s eagerness to accept Edward as a vampire seemed unrealistic. I don’t know, it seems like a person would at least pause before accepting this fact. It seemed she was almost instantly okay with it. Similar to Jane’s comments I too felt it could have benefited from a better editor than whomever she has. I hated the Prologue and thought it was completely unnecessary and felt like an editor’s suggestion.

Having said that, I’m planning on buying the sequel this weekend and I expect my kids will once again be feeding themselves off of the food they find on the floor.

Part of the “What’s On Your Nightstand” Carnival.

This presidential campaign has been particularly distasteful to me. I suppose part of it is because I’m not all that excited about either candidate but part of it is all the voices I hear. With the blogosphere wide open and the ability for people to voice their opinions so easy my ears are bleeding. People’s political opinions really should be kept private. I’m saddened by the fact that half the blogs I normally read I no longer read because we differ in political views and they just can’t stop talking about it. I don’t mind that we have different views I just wish they’d stop reminding me every day. It’s kind of like having a big nose and your best friend telling you every day “you know you have a big nose?” After day three you really just want to scream “shut up about the big nose already!!” Somebody asked me the other day if I was a Republican or a Democrat. You know what I am? An American. I don’t choose parties. Never have and never will. Sometimes I agree with the Democrats and sometimes I agree with the Republicans but I never agree with both ALL THE TIME. I suspect that most Americans feel the same way and yet here we are arguing like the Hatfields and McCoys. Around November 7th we are all going to emerge from this political drunken stupor and like a bad night at the bar regret things that we said to each other.

Consider this a warning, a public service announcement, I warn you that when the urge to talk politics among your friends and family arises just walk away, keep your mouth shut. I wouldn’t want you to end up with that awkward tatoo on your bottom and feelings of regret and embarrassment come November.

Being married is all about compromise and learning to live with the other person’s idiosyncrasy. All the little things that you thought were cute when you were dating and that have slowly become bizarre behaviors that you cannot believe that person still continues to do. Over time these things follow a distinct cycle of ;”isn’t that precious that he does that?” to “I cannot believe he does that” to “well, that is just the way he is. I ignore him most of the time”.

I have a certain way I like to load the dishwasher. I know it makes no sense. I recognize that in the great scheme of life this is hardly an important issue. I also understand that it shows some sort of deep seeded compulsion that I would prefer not to acknowledge. David understands this and as a result hasn’t done the dishes in 8 years. I would LOVE for him to help me with the dishes but I have slowly trained him not to help because I inevitably go back and rearrange the dishwasher. Yesterday I was desperate. I had spent the entire weekend reading “Twilight” (which I will post about later) and I didn’t do any dishes for about 24-36 hours. I truly needed help. David happily stepped in and as he began to do the dishes and load the dishwasher we had the following conversation:

Me (quickly approaching the dishwasher to rearrange as he went)
David: STOP!! BACK OFF!!
Me: I’m just….
David: BACK OFF WOMAN! I’m doing some unconventional things here that I don’t think you would agree with.
Me: (nervously) okay, but if you are thinking of putting my new pots in the dishwasher please don’t. I’ll just hand wash them later.
David: Why? They ARE dishwasher safe
Me: Well, they say that, but I just don’t think they hold up as well after being in the dishwasher. (In a very anxious voice) Really, don’t worry about it I’ll wash them.
David: STAND DOWN WOMAN! I WILL LOAD THE DISHWASHER.

He did load the dishwasher. I had no defense. He was right. My compulsion over the dishwasher is absurd and I know it. He’s helping me why should I care? And yet, later that evening when I put the kids dishes from dinner in the dishwasher I guiltily rearranged the dishes.

David needed some cupcakes for work the other day. He said they needed to be “gross” looking but not gross tasting. Well, we scoured the Interweb and I found this great recipe from Kraft Kitchens (one of my favorite resources for last minute recipe ideas) and came up with these darlings. They were very easy to make and looked cute. With Halloween around the corner these seem like they might be a good idea. You can find the recipe HERE:

I’ve written here before about David teaching the kids Photoshop. It’s great that the kids are learning a trade so early in their lives. David and I will never need to worry about our future. Well, during the most recent Photoshop tutorial the kids discovered another training that they might want to start. I’d like to introduce you to the young Jedi Padawan learners Lucy & Max:

brought to you by blog o’ beth

#10 It’s nice to have someone who thinks all your jokes are funny – even when you aren’t making one

#9 You no longer look like a weirdo when you talk to yourself in the grocery store. Everybody thinks you are just mumbling to your kids

#8 No more questions about your clothing choices. Everybody assumes you are too tired or too busy to care about fashion

#7 Tax Deduction, Tax Deduction, Tax Deduction

#6 No more need to justify why you own three video game systems, a gameboy, and an entire collection of Star Wars action figures.

#5 Once again you can dress up for Halloween for absolutely no reason.

#4 The opportunity to secretly whisper your Christmas wish to Santa Claus – just in case

#3 A standing ovation every time you return home from doing anything — even if you just ran to the gas station

#2 Getting the opportunity to experience life all over again from a fresh beginning

#1 Little kisses from little lips that are wet, sticky and filled with an unabashed love of YOU.

These first two weeks of school have been very challenging for me. I don’t normally like to blog about a semester, students, or classes until after the completion of the semester. My feeling has always been that this will insure that I don’t get fired. However, this particular semester has already been quite stressful. Here are the highlights:

• After being told that a full-time faculty member couldn’t handle their current course load I agreed to take over one of their classes — AFTER IT HAD STARTED. I only work part-time and technically I’m only allowed to teach 3 courses a semester. I am now teaching 4 and one of them is filled with angry students because after 10 days they were given a new teacher.
• I just finished grading an essay where half-way through the essay the student elapsed into using “texting lingo” instead of actual words. I feel like weeping.
• I also just graded an essay that — well, was bad. I don’t want to say more than that but just so you know my eyeballs are bleeding, and my Shakespeare bobble-head has hung his head in shame.
• Also, the new textbook I have my students using is 600 pages, costs $80 and pages are falling out of the binding. Oh, and the bookstore didn’t order enough so I have students with no books.

When you add this to the fact that I still don’t have a functioning computer, my brand new sink has been leaking water since July without me knowing (and I now have mold growing in places that I don’t even want to think about) and the presidential election has already caused me to rethink my friends, family and political affiliations — I, oh heck, I don’t even know what. I’m tired. I’m going to go rub something soft.

**UPDATE** I just found out that the textbook I’m using for my online courses is different than the book my students were given.

Well, we’re several weeks into our Star Wars adventures. The observations and discussions regarding all things Star Wars has been mind-blowing. I never anticipated I would hear the things I’m hearing being uttered by my 4 yr old daughter.

Lucy: Daddy why is Darth Vader choking that man?
David: Oh, because he’s angry
Lucy: I think it is because the plans for the Death Star weren’t found in the main computer

And then tonight as David was putting Lucy to bed I overheard this little tidbit

Lucy: Is that George Lucas?
Me (from other room): Did she just point out George Lucas in a book?
David: Oh yeah, she knows George Lucas
Lucy: George Lucas made all the Star Wars movies
David: Would you like to watch “the making of Star Wars” with Daddy tonight?
Lucy (using sarcasm for the first time): Are you joking? Yeah!

My 4 year old daughter has mastered a knowledge of Star Wars that only some 10 year old boys have obtained. She can identify almost every character, can quote lines and knows how everybody is related (including that Queen Amidalla is Princess Leia’s mommy). I figure if I teach her how to play pool, cook a good pot of spaghetti, and sew on a button she will be a deadly combination that no male on the face of this Earth could resist.