It all started with Dooce. As any regular reader of her blog knows, she’s pregnant again. She posted sonogram pictures this week and an early photo of her “baby bump”. I read the entire post and realized something shocking — I wasn’t sad. I didn’t even feel a twinge of jealousy, remorse, anger, bitterness or resentment. I was actually happy FOR HER. I looked at those little sonogram pictures and thought “cool” and that was it. No “what if blah, blah, blah” or “I wish it, blah, blah, blah”. Nope, just “cool”. I was amazed by this turn of events.

A couple of weeks ago while I was cleaning out closets it was as if I couldn’t stop crying. My friend Kym said I was “mourning” and that I needed to just roll with it. (She’s a trained therapist so I kind of HAVE to listen to her advice). I did. I accepted that it was okay to be sad, that I might be sad for awhile. That being sad about not having any more babies didn’t necessarily mean I WANTED any more babies.

Today I sold the crib. A very young mother with a 7 month old little girl and what looked like little else to her name, came to my house and bought our crib. I expected this day to be far more traumatic then it feels. I’m actually pretty excited about the $170 she gave me and the extra space in our garage. I’m saving money for a treadmill — working towards that pre-baby body. (Now, where did I leave it? And where did these extra 15lbs come from?)

I love being a mother. I love my children. There is no greater thing in my life than the beauty, fun, wonder, and work of raising my kids. I would want no other job, I would want no other life. But I’m okay with the two I have and it feels good. I’m ready now to move on and embrace the next phase of my life.

I don’t craft. I know that when you give birth you are supposed to magically receive the gift of craft, but for some reason it never happened to me. I like the idea of crafting. I like to think that I will craft, but alas I have no patience and even less creativity. I have no explanation why suddenly this Christmas I decided to MAKE MY OWN ADVENT CALENDAR. However, once the fabric was purchased I was driven with laser-pointed ambition to complete it.

Whenever David decides to do a home improvement project it usually requires a dozen trips to Home Depot and three times as much time as originally estimated. My advent calendar required the same ratios. I made at least 5 trips to Hobby Lobby and instead of taking me a week, it took me three weeks to complete the project. I did finish it, which is more than I can say about most of my craft projects. Overall I’m pleased with the outcome. It probably cost me as much as a store bought calendar and it definitely took me far more time, but I like to think that I’ve launched a new family tradition that my kids will look forward to. At least that is what I’m telling myself so don’t squelch the dream.

I’ve only been teaching for three years but during that time I’ve had more people ask me, “what is wrong with our education system?”. I read this article on MSNBC this morning and it got me all worked up. The challenges we face as a country and as parents fall simply into three categories, money, time and motivation.

What Is Important?
I find it ironic that for as much complaining as we do as parents how few of us are willing to shut up and make our kids do the work. Most students enter college ill-prepared for the rigors of true academic study. They lack discipline, and basic time management skills. Many (not all) come to school expecting the information to be spoon-fed or at the minimum easily spelled out for them in a way that requires the least amount of work from them. Now, I recognize that they are teenagers and that part of GOING to college is learning these skills but too many come without the slightest idea of how to do this. When I hear complaints like “but research takes soooo long to do” I want to run screaming from my classroom.

When you talk with High School teachers you hear that parents complain when too much homework is given because it conflicts with work or social/athletic activities. Public school teachers are under pressure by parents to decrease work load and to not make the classes so difficult as to discourage students. As parents we need to ask ourselves “what is important?” Parents should be demanding more challenging work for their children and allowing them to fail. YES, I SAID FAIL. Why? Because it is only in failing that most of these students will learn what it truly takes to succeed. We cannot hold their hand and baby them along and hope that they figure it out — they won’t, and by the time they do it will be too late.

Money, Money, Money
I work at a community college so most of my students can barely afford college to begin with. However this is the most frustrating part of my job. Good students, excellent students are forced to drop out of school every semester because they can’t afford to go. Our financial aid system makes absolutely no sense. A student’s aid elgibility is based solely on their parents income, regardless if that parent is helping to pay for their education. EVERY semester I have MANY students who are denied aid because their parents make a combined income of $85,000 a year but perhaps they are one of three siblings. This means ALL of that 85K has to go to continue to support the other two siblings at home. This may seem like a large income, but trust me this isn’t even near enough money to support a family of five with one person being in college.

This puts these students in a no-win situation. They aren’t elgible for aid which means they need to take a job. They take a job (many full-time). If they are lucky enough to have won a scholarship (which usually only pays for part of their education) they also must go to school full-time in order to qualify. This results in an 18 or 19 yr old young adult trying to juggle a full-time school load with a full-time work load with none of the time management skills of an adult. The result is that many good students are forced to quit school.

College-Bound
Not every student is ready for college at 18 years of age, or is destined to be a college graduate. Our public school system is designed for only one purpose — send kids to college. This is a problem because not everybody should be or wants to be in college. College is a CHOICE. Every semester I see kids come into my classroom because they don’t know where else to go. They don’t want to be in school but what else are they supposed to do? Nobody has given them any other options. Some of them are not mature enough to start school and others are just not interested. Starting college is like joining a gym. There is really only a small percentage that will continue to go to the gym and get their bodies in shape. The rest will go to the gym for about a month and then never go again, but will continue to pay the membership fees. This semester alone I will be failing close to 12 students because after three weeks of school they stopped coming but never dropped the class. It is idealistic to think that every student leaving high school is destined for college. If we can accept that as a society/culture then we should start allowing our public school system to focus on providing options. Let’s stop creating a college-prep system and start focusing on educating our children so they can succeed at whatever it is they strive for.

I recognize that this is only MY opinion formed from MY experiences and if I worked in a different state with different students I might see different problems. However, I think that these issues are felt in a lot of places and one of the easy things for us to fix is the aid system. If nothing else, I wish our government would reexamine our college aid system and update it. Thank you for letting me rant this morning. I promise to have more fun things to talk about tomorrow.

Since the holiday shopping season has officially begun I thought I would share some of my favorite ideas for gift-giving. These are my old stand-bys that I go back to again and again when I’m desperate.

Personalized Is Always Best
I love doing photo books for family – especially grandparents. In the end, this is what they really want, pictures of their grandchildren. There are so many web sites that do this for you but I use Shutterfly. Another variation on this is a personalized cookbook or even a family heritage book. A heritage book is great for parents where you can scan and include old pictures of family that usually get shoved into a shoe box somewhere. The best part about this is that you can create one photo book and then order as many copies as you want to give as gifts.

Subscriptions
I love reading magazines but I hate buying them and I find most people feel the same way. There is a magazine that fits everybody’s interests. The best part about this idea is that it is the gift that keeps on giving and it is easy to wrap. This is also a great last minute gift suggestion since you can always run down to the grocery store and buy a magazine on your way to your Christmas celebration and then mail the subscription card later.

Feed The Soul
I find as my parents get older that there just isn’t anything they NEED and since they are trying to lighten their possessions I hate buying them things at Christmas. BUT, everybody needs to eat. Here are some of my favorite places to order from:

Dale & Thomas Popcorn
These guys take popcorn to a new level. I’m pretty confident that I’ve featured them here before, but you really need to try these guys. They are awesome!

Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream
They will send a 6 pack of pints shipped in dry ice to anywhere in the country. For a little extra they will include an ice cream scoop. This is such a fun gift to give and receive.

See’s Candy
I grew up with my grandmother mailing us See’s Candy from California every holiday and I still consider it a Christmas treat. I love their chocolate. You can go to Godiva, but See’s is just classic and delicious. I recommend the molasses chips.

If you are a family member you will probably be receiving one or all of these over the holiday season. So pretend you didn’t read this. Happy Holidays y’all!!

I don’t remember my mother EVER having a cold, although I’m sure she did. I have some friends who insist that their husband stay home from work until they are well and then I have others who plow through like they aren’t sick at all. I’ve never really been clear on this issue. Unlike other jobs there is no “sick-day policy” for motherhood. I’m going to propose one so as to clear this issue up for families every where.

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A sick day is defined as a 24 hour period beginning when a mother designates that she is indeed sick.

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If a fever or vomiting exists a husband is required to stay home from work without question or negotiation. However, if children are school-aged and the sick day falls on a school day then the husband is only required to be home after school hours.

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If a doctor visit is required (regardless of presence of either fever or vomiting) then husband is required to be at home for doctor’s visit allowing time for travel to and from doctor’s office within a reasonable speed. Again, if children are school-aged then mother should try to schedule doctor’s visit during school hours.

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If medication is required that may cause sleepiness or lack of consciousness then husband is required to stay at home. (see article 1.0 regarding school-aged children)

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If a hospital visit is required (either planned or unplanned) husband must stay home from work.

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If for some reason a husband cannot fulfill his obligation of staying home he must be responsible for finding an acceptable replacement (this replacement must either be a relation or someone that sick mother approves).

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Husband is not allowed to negotiate these rules or use guilt-induced pleas like; “Do you REALLY need me to stay home?” or “Oh man, I’ve got this REALLY important meeting today and can’t the kids just watch TV all day?” This also includes challenging how sick mother REALLY is and whether or not she is just being a “baby”.

article 1.6.1 children do NOT watch TV all day. There are diapers to change,
meals to make, bottoms to wipe, arguments to referee and games to be played.

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Regardless of seriousness of illness a husband is not allowed, under any circumstances to do any of the following during the duration of the sick day: a.) work late b.) require meals to be made, c.) require laundry to be done, d.) decide to start large, messy project with children.

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During the duration of the sick day husband is required to maintain basic household order. This includes cleaning dishes regularly, dressing children, and picking up toys and dirty clothes off of floor. Husband is not required to DO laundry, or CLEAN house (God forbid) but is only required to maintain basic maintenance so sick mother is not left with a pit of despair once health has returned.

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During the sick day a mother is not responsible for any nighttime needs of the children. This may include middle of the night bathroom visits, nightmare disbursement, drinking water needs, or bottle feedings.

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A mother is allowed 3 sick days for each year of service. Two additional days are granted for each child past one. For example, a mother of 2 who has children the ages of 4 and 2 will have earned 14 sick days. That would be 3 sick days for her 4 years of service and 2 extra days for her second child.

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A husband is also required to run to the store to pick up anything required to aid in the healing process of sick mother. This may include everything from picking up prescriptions to purchasing ice cream for a sore throat.

I feel much better just knowing that this policy has been put in place. I recommend that we all print this off and get our husbands to sign it. This will prevent negotiations, martyrdom and general guilt on either side of this problem.

Blogging is a very odd activity. To be truly successful you must think that what you are experiencing/thinking/liking many other people must also be experiencing/thinking/liking. As a dreaded “mommy-blogger” it is a way for you to connect to this wonderful and unique experience called motherhood. Regardless, it is a one-sided conversation that we all seem compelled to continue. The most magical thing about blogging is making new friends that you never meet and that is why I want to introduce you to Jane.

If you follow this blog with any regularity you will see her in the comment box. Jane (from What About Mom), is my BBB or Best Blogging Buddy. This is a unique place to hold in somebody’s life. This means that the only person’s blog I read more often than my own is Jane’s. This mean’s that I’ve shared so much of my life with Jane this year that I feel as if I should be sending her kids Christmas presents. I find myself quoting her or referring to things she said as if I had just seen her that morning at a PTA meeting (although there is no way Jane and I would ever go to a PTA meeting, because well, we wouldn’t). Jane is a BYU grad and fellow English major. She’s also a mother to three beautiful little girls. I love reading about her life and I no longer know if it is because I think she’s cool or if it’s because she writes so well.

This is why blogging is so odd. Do I REALLY know her? Isn’t this like saying I KNOW Julia Roberts because I’ve seen all of her films? Or does blogging really allow us to build a relationship with a person that we’ve never met? When you think about all the personal challenges and milestones that you share on a blog isn’t that building a relationship? Or am I creepy? (don’t answer that). Doesn’t everybody have a BBB?

Regardless, this Thanksgiving I’m thankful for Jane. I’m thankful for her blogging friendship. I’m thankful for all of the help and advice she has provided me regarding blogging. I’m thankful for the comments, the thoughts, and the good ideas she’s thrown my way. Mostly, I’m thankful that I’ve met her and I’m thankful that she has chosen to share her life in such a strange way.

It is the end of the school semester for me and usually this is the time of year when I’m aggravated and disappointed in my students. This is the time of year when I can’t wait for break. And that is why I wanted to take Thanksgiving day to express my gratitude for being a teacher.

I can’t begin to describe what a blessing this job has been to me. It has allowed me to fill my life with a passion. A passion for books, a passion for writing, and a passion for sharing this passion. I’m so grateful that it only requires me to be out of my home 15 hours a week. But mostly, I’m so thankful that the Lord has given me the opportunity to touch so many lives. My students are each blessings that come into my life and fill my heart. I love them all for their unique spirits and bottomless potential. They remind me everyday to live life to the fullest and to appreciate the things I have. They inspire me as much as I hope I inspire them.

I’m grateful that every day I have the opportunity to introduce somebody to Shakespeare, Dickinson, Plath, Homer, Dante, et al. I’m lucky to be able to see some face come in and with anger, love, passion in their eyes tell me that they are so upset that Aeneas left Dido without saying goodbye. To see the recognition wash over their faces as they realize that Shakespeare was not writing about some obscure guy in Othello, but he was writing about EVERYBODY’s need to be loved, and accepted. THAT is powerful!!

I’m blessed to know these students. To know about their dreams, their hopes, their plans for the future. I’m lucky that they share these aspirations with me and for a fleeting semester I get to ride along with them as they plan their life. They are each uniquely beautiful and like painted eggs their future is delicate and glorious. They stand on the precipice of their destiny. Some will grab hold with passion and desire and seek out success. Others will languish, and falter. As a teacher it is my responsibility to help those that languish. To hold out my hand and pull them close to my heart and tell them what lies ahead. Those that know their future don’t need my help. It is those that are lost that need me the most.

I am a teacher and I could not be more thankful.

This is the first Christmas that MY DAUGHTER gently unwrapped my most treasured ornaments and lovingly placed them on the tree. It was amazing to watch this rite of passage unfold before my eyes. As of this moment I am training my replacement and every day I work closer to unemployment.

As women we are so passionate about our homes. We are driven from a small age to desire our OWN home where we can do things OUR way. As Lucy began placing the ornaments on the tree and asking me about where to put them and how to do it, the seed was planted. I could see it in her eyes. She’s already thinking of what she wants HER tree to look like and how SHE would put the ornaments on the tree.

As parents we create the childhood we wanted. We change the things that bothered us, that we thought were wrong. We fool ourselves into thinking we’re making it better for our own kids, but in reality we’re just creating OUR dream childhood not theirs. And that Christmas tree is so symbolic. In my eyes it is the most beautiful and perfect Christmas tree. I love every ornament and every strand of garland. Lucy will grow and begin to see things about my most perfect Christmas tree that she doesn’t like, that she would do differently. She will sit in judgment of me and the job I have done as a parent. I pray that she is more forgiving of me than perhaps I have been with my own parents.