Dear Max:

I was 18 weeks pregnant with you when the phone rang at 5:00 AM. I knew instantly who was on the phone and why they were calling. Your great grandfather, Earl Callaway, had died in the middle of the night. We all knew it was going to happen soon and yet it didn’t make hearing the news any easier. I hazily walked through my morning, wiped away my tears and went to work.

Around 2:00 in the afternoon I felt sharp, shooting pains rip through my lower abdomen. I knew it wasn’t labor pains, but I also knew something didn’t feel right. I went to the emergency room. The attending doctor rushed me into ultra-sound. As the technician began taking pictures I whispered, “I know you aren’t supposed to do this, but if you could tell me what the sex of my baby is I would be so grateful”. She was a petite, surly little thing and she curtly said “I’m not an OB-tech, only your doctor can tell you.” I sat quietly for a moment and than pleaded again “Pleease, I know we’re far enough along and my doctor’s appointment isn’t for another two weeks”. She was silent. I laid there still as she snapped photos of my kidneys, colon, lungs, etc. She silently finished and stood up. As she wiped away the cold ultra-sound jelly from my stomach she said; “I’m not an Ob-tech but it looks like a boy to me”, she turned and walked out of the room.

When the doctor returned he explained that I was carrying you very low and towards my back. As a result, you had done some rearranging of my organs including moving my kidneys under my lungs and squishing my colon. My colon, in an act of defiance began to spasm. There wasn’t anything he could do about it. It wasn’t dangerous and I was to go home and rest.

I’ve never forgotten that day. To have so much grief be met with so much joy. The miracle of knowing that Grandpa Callaway left this world in order to make room for you. He would have adored you. He would have loved your little Callaway laugh, and how you can be stubborn as a mule. The fact that at 3 years old you have an opinion and are not afraid to share it. That you have an enthusiasm for all things that is hard to match. He would have melted at how you wear your heart on your sleeve and that your hair is never brushed, your face never clean and your clothes rarely match. Grandpa Callaway knew that day, of all days, it was his time to go because it was your time to arrive.

I love you sweet boy. Happy Birthday.

Being “tagged” in the blog world is a little bit like receiving a chain letter. However, they seem a bit less tacky. I don’t remember who tagged me – and if you are the person who tagged me, then please let me know and I’ll put your link here. These are seven strange things about me.

1.) I’m incapable of rhyming. I realize that as a person with an official college degree in creative writing rhymes should just roll off my tongue, alas, they do not. As a matter of fact when put on the spot to make a rhyme the best I can do is a “slant rhyme” and in the world of rap those don’t really count. It’s really sad. I’ll never be signed to Def Jam records.

2.) I don’t drink coffee. I wish I could say it is because of some sort of macro-biotic diet or cleansing process but it isn’t. I don’t like it. Even the mocha caramel frappuccionos at Starbucks I don’t like. No matter how much the coffee is diluted with whipped cream and chocolate I still can taste the bitterness. I don’t like to clean coffee mugs, I don’t like to clean coffee grinds, even the smell of coffee in the morning is distasteful to me. I’m a weirdo – I know.

3.) I’ve never had long hair. The longest I’ve ever had my hair is shoulder-length and that even includes when I was a little girl. I get inspired to grow my hair out but by the time it reaches my shoulders I’m so annoyed by it I cut it all off again.

4.) I fell in love with David in less than 20 minutes. People don’t believe me when I tell this story, but David and I met at work and after a brief conversation I walked back to my desk, called my best friend and told her I met the man I was going to marry. Seriously, it happened that fast.

5.) I have naturally long fingernails. One of my more admired qualities is my ability to grow long, strong fingernails without doing a single thing to deserve them. I use my nails to scrape food off plates, open envelopes, break open taped boxes, etc I don’t moisturize them, pamper them or do anything to encourage length and/or strength. It is genetic – when formal occasions call all I have to do is even them up, slap on a coat of polish and it looks like I was just at the salon. Be jealous – I’m cool with it.

6.) I can’t spend money on myself. I don’t think twice about dropping a hundred dollars on groceries, or clothes for the kids or even a present for David. However, I will wear jeans that have holes in them before I decide that I might need new clothes. I won’t even consider spending $60 on a pair of sunglasses or shoes or a purse or even two pairs of jeans. If I do finally spend more than $50 on anything for myself I feel tremendous guilt and a need to confess to David (who could care less and doesn’t understand my hang up).

7.) I have a great sense of direction. I’m rather proud of this little idiosyncrasy of mine. I’m one of the few females I know that knows where North is at any given point. I’ve never been worried about getting in the car and driving some place new because I can almost always find my way back to someplace familiar. Although David might hesitate to admit this, I know he secretly relies on this quality when we’re house-hunting or noodling around town.

*************************************************************************************
I’m being featured as a guest-blogger today on Scribbit. A little travel article I wrote about fun things to do in Dallas. Check it out. If you aren’t already reading Michelle and the shenanigans she’s up to in Alaska than I encourage you to make her a regular read.

I’ve been thinking a lot about food lately. It is the new year and we are all full of resolutions for getting healthy, losing weight, blah, blah, blah. I’ve always been a small eater and have never really needed to watch my weight. I’m not naturally skinny, but at 38 and with 2 kids under my belt I’m only 15lbs away from my target size. I guess that doesn’t seem all that bad. David, however, has always struggled with his weight. And now, that we have kids it presses on his mind. He worries that they will follow in his footsteps and seeing how he struggles, I suppose it worries me too.

Lucy is also a small eater. She has never eaten a lot, even as an infant. She nibbles and pokes and is picky. She is not adventurous with her eating habits, but then again, she is a girl who likes routine. Lucy would eat, and sometimes does eat, the same thing every day. I refuse to make my dinner table a battleground and so there are nights when she may only eat strawberries or toast. The pediatricians tell me not to worry, and that she is getting all the nutrition she needs. How do you teach a 5 year old good eating habits when she doesn’t eat? How do you fight against your maternal extinct to want to see food go down their throats and making sure they eat their vegetables? Is it better that she eat a piece of toast, some strawberries and a popsicle then nothing? Is she better off eating a waffle for breakfast than just drinking a glass of milk? Should I give her the chicken nuggets for lunch or let her ignore the turkey sandwich I made?

There are so many challenges in parenthood and you don’t really know if you’ve navigated them successfully until your kids are adults. How will I know if I’m doing the right thing? How as a mother do you balance the dietary expectations of society, and the dietary desires of your child? Am I over-thinking a really simple problem? Am I the only mother who feels like so much of her time is dedicated to what is being eaten and not eaten? I’ve read the books, and the articles, and the experts and the blah, blah, blah. If there is one issue that there is no shortage of expert opinions it is the eating habits of children. And I’m sick of expert opinions. Does anybody’s child fall neatly into the descriptions outlined by experts?

Personally, this is one of the most challenging problems of parenthood. Between the images presented in the media, the articles and pressure of societal expectations, genetic dispositions, family traditions and my own hang-ups its a miracle the whole family hasn’t either become binge eaters or closet anorexics. Asking me about the eating habits of my kids will almost certainly send me off either in tears or hyperventilating. Does anybody else feel so completely conflicted and challenged by this issue? And please, for all that is good and holy in this world do NOT send me another article about childhood obesity rates.

I’m sure my conservative family will have a major “eye-rolling” festival after watching this video, but it did get me thinking. There are only a couple of charities or service venues that I feel passionately about and the most important one is literacy. As a person who loves words, books and language I want everybody to read. With reading comes thought and with thought comes power. When you teach somebody to read, you teach them to dream. Every year I tell myself that I will volunteer for a literacy program, but this year I’m going to make it happen.

I pledge to teach others to read.
I pledge to introduce myself to my neighbors (whom I’ve lived next to for 8 years)
I pledge to use less water while living in a state dogged by drought

Watch this video, and then tell me what you pledge.

** Yes, I hate it when celebrities try to tell me to be charitable when they have hoards of money and it seems hypocritical. And yes, who cares what these people think anyways. And yes, it is Barack Obama propaganda. Yes, I understand all of those things. Please don’t feel compelled to point that out to me. But, I’m also mature enough to look beyond all that and say “you know what, they are right. We can all do more and should do more”. I’m sure regardless of political affiliation we can all agree on that, and if we can’t then we’re in more serious trouble than we all realize.**

1980: I bought my first 45 (that’s right, it was a record, and a 45 at that) when I was in 6th grade. It was Joan Jett and the Blackhearts singing “Put Another Dime in the Jukebox”. I played that record again, and again, and again until my older sister was screaming from her bedroom for me to shut it off. This is also the year I bought my first LP which was “80’s Rock” and included such hits like “Chaka Khan” and “Brass In Pocket” by the Pretenders.

1986: I was sixteen and well entrenched in “alternative music”. My favorite movie was “Pretty in Pink” (totally thought she should have gone with Duckie. I would have) and I owned the sound track. I also owned every album by Howard Jones (or HOJO as we liked to call him back then). I wrote into Tiger Beat magazine about my love for “The Fixx” and “Echo and the Bunnymen” – oh yeah, I was edgey.

1988: I graduate from high school and hair bands are at their peak. Although I never was a fan of such “trash” I can’t help but think of my high school days whenever I hear anything by Poison. I also fall in love for the first time and my boyfriend sings to me “Lady In Red” by Chris De Burgh. Years later he will come out of the “closet”. Doesn’t matter though since I still think of him when I hear that song.

1990: I meet my best friend Kym. Every success or break-up is met with a drive in my yellow Geo Storm singing to Mariah Carey. I still know every word in her debut album.

1991: Next door neighbors in college are big Red Hot Chili Pepper fans and play their albums all day and night. They seem odd and edgey at the time but in less than five years will be considered main stream. The band, not the neighbors.

1994: I suffer the worst break-up of my life. Spend months depressed over my lost love. I become enamored with No Doubt and Tracy Chapman.

1996: Rebound relationship with cute, younger guy. He introduces me to Matchbox 20, Barenaked Ladies, and The Dave Matthews Band. Short relationship but great musical tastes – I still listen to every one of those bands.

1998: I move to Texas and venture into country music. Now I’m singing along to Garth Brooks, Wynonna Judd and the Dixie Chicks.

2000: David takes me to my first Barenaked Ladies concert. We also get to meet Harry Connick Jr. that year. He introduces me to a whole array of artists from Jengo Reinhart to Dee-Light.

2004: Lucy is born. “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle
2006: Max is born. “Arms Wide Open” by Creed (David just said that it was “unfortunate” that Creed is part of my life soundtrack – I’m choosing to ignore him)

2009: My life is so full and rich now that no one song, group, or artist could capture this stage in my life. Perhaps I’ll look back and remember listening to Tom Chapin with the kids or Raffi. Perhaps I’ll think of going to the John Mayer concert with David or Norah Jones or the multiple Barenaked Ladies concerts we’ve now attended. Up to this moment my life seemed to only focus on one note at a time and now it is too full to have that luxury.

David and I are always up for a party. As a result I’m always on the prowl for quick recipes that I can put together for company. I sort of stumbled into this one and it looked and tasted fantastic. I used a Pound Cake cake mix. That is right, from a box. I have a specialty cake pan that I got from William-Sonoma that created that “fluted” look to the cake. However, I think you could do the same thing with a bundt pan or an individual bundt would be cute too (for six mini-desserts). I baked the cake according to the box directions (seriously, I did). I made a simple powdered sugar glaze with orange juice (instead of milk) and with a teaspoon of rum extract. I made the glaze a little on the thicker side and let the warmth of the cake take over. I then topped the middle with a sliced strawberry, but really any fresh berry would work. You probably could add some orange zest to the cake itself but I didn’t have any fresh oranges on hand. It looked absolutely decadent and tasted fantastic. It was light, and not overly sweet. Simple and fast desserts is what works for me.

We mailed Max’s pacifiers to the “paci-fairy” today and on our way back home from the post office the kids had this conversation. No further explanation is required.

Lucy: Max, when you were a little baby before you had a pacifier, you were in heaven with God.
Max: Gaud?
Lucy: Yes, all babies are with God. And then you closed your eyes and slept for awhile and then you came out of Mommy’s bottom
Max: I dwid?
Lucy: Yes, but I came out of Mommy’s bottom first. WAAAAAAYYY before you. Like a 100 years ago.

Here are some recipes that I would like to try. However, I’m back on my low-carb diet and these are in no way even remotely allowed.

Sweet Potato Bread Pudding from Sugar Plum. Just reading the ingredient list makes me want to weep.

S’More Cookie Bars from Baked Perfection. Oh my, just look at all that marshmallow goodness.

I’ve really been loving Ezra Pound Cake and she makes me sad when I see things like her Hot Fudge Pudding Cake. Pudding and Cake in the same description — is this woman trying to kill me?

This Cream Cheese Pound Cake from Sophistimom looks lemony and delightful.

What are you people trying to do to me? Seriously. Are you trying to make me gain 500lbs? Late at night, when I’m by myself I dream of making and eating these things. Yummy.