A Wee Surprise

August 10, 2009 blogobeth 6 Comments

editor’s note: I wrote this on June 13th. I’ve been waiting this entire time to share this news with you.

A year ago today David was patiently waiting for me in a hospital as the remnants of our failed pregnancy were scraped out of my womb. That pregnancy was a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions; joy, fear, anxiety, anticipation, happiness, disappointment, relief. David and I have said several times since that miscarriage that God knew we weren’t really ready for another baby. Oh, we thought we were but when that test came back positive we both began to panic. David and I have had hundreds of conversations since that day in the hospital about whether or not to have another baby. On any given day we are either yearning for a new baby or glad we only have two. We’ve never been able to come to a happy decision. Days passed, months passed and eventually the daily busy of life took over and we stopped thinking about it.

Our summer has been so busy with me teaching, trips to the lake, vacation in Michigan, big projects at work for David, swim lessons, camp, etc, etc. It is a miracle if David and I are even in the house at the same time otherwise sleeping in the same bed together. So when I was late I didn’t worry about it. My cycle has always run long and being late is a common occurrence for me. Days went by and suddenly as I was making dinner it occurred to me that I didn’t “feel” like I was going to start my period. Usually I have pretty distinct PMS symptoms and I wasn’t having any. I actually felt pretty good. I wasn’t really all that crabby (HIGHLY UNUSUAL for me). On a whim I dug out the last pregnancy test from the back of the medicine cabinet. It was one of those fancy digital ones that actually waits the full 3 minutes before showing you either “yes” or “no”. I peed on the stick and as I sat there I mumbled to myself “this is stupid. This is so stupid. If I’m pregnant it will be nothing short of a miracle. It is impossible. There is absolutely no way and I’m an idiot to take a test.” And then it came back “YES+”. Before I could stop myself I blurted out “WHAT? OH MY GOD!!” Of course that was the appropriate thing to say because God HAD to have made this one happen. I started shaking. David was still at work. The kids were fighting over a jump rope. And yet, I was thrilled. I am thrilled. I was instantly and joyfully over the moon excited. This time I knew it was right. I called David and after the initial “WHAT? Are you serious?” he sweetly said; “Well, I hope you know that I am genuinely, 100% excited and I can’t wait.”

Once again I can clearly and with confidence point to a moment in my life where I felt the hand of God intercede on my behalf. Every child is a miracle, but the unplanned child is a special blessing from God.

Blogging

5 Reasons Why I’m Not Writing

August 8, 2009 blogobeth 4 Comments

So my mother and I are talking tonight and she says; “why haven’t you been writing on your blog? Have you lost interest?” and I instantly fell into a vat of guilt that was so deep my children had to throw me a rope ladder to climb out. No, I have not lost interest. Unfortunately things have been conspiring against me this summer and I frankly have had no time to write. Here are my list of lame excuses:

#1 A Dock

Now that both of our kids are old enough to swim somewhat on their own (and when I say “on their own” I mean neither one of them is clinging to my bathing suit in a desperate attempt at flotation) we like to spend more time at the family lake house. As a result we have been there for at least three weekends this summer and most of that time has been spent building a new dock. This is what the dock looked like during Memorial Day weekend:

This is what it looks like now.

Grant it most of the work was done by the “men-folk” but we girls provide a lot of support in the shape of swimming leisurely nearby and making sandwiches. Hey, it is a tough gig but somebody has got to do it.

#2 A wedding

No, I’m not getting married, but David’s cousin is tying the knot in about a week. Although I’m not heavily involved in the planning of the nuptials I haven’t wanted to miss one second of any of the festivities. The girl who will be joining our family – well – she rocks. She’s so awesome I’m writing a separate post just about her. She is so damn cool.

#3 A kid

This is Lucy’s last couple of months of freedom before she starts the societal demands of school. I’ve wanted to really wallow in this time. I’ve wanted to do museums and zoos and the pool and make pottery, etc. etc. My little girl is growing up and soon her life will be filled with friends and foes and a social life. No longer will Mommy be her best friend. Although on one hand I’m excited about this, on the other I’m saddened.

#4 A surprise

The biggest distraction of this summer though has been a big surprise that David and I received on June 13th. If you go back and look at my posting archives you’ll see that my writing really tapered off after that date. The surprise looked something like this:

In case you are unclear about what you are looking at – well – that is a pregnancy test and it says “Yes+”. Soak that in for a little bit and we’ll discuss more later.

#5 A Story

When I was going through Grad school I had to read so much for my degree that by the time I graduated I didn’t even want to look at another book. I can honestly say that I didn’t read a single book for two years after I graduated. I just couldn’t bear it. I resented the fact that studying the biggest passion in my life drove me to the point of almost giving it up. I promised myself that I would never let that happen again. As a result, when summers roll around and I’m not obligated to read a bunch of stuff for school I try to read things I WANT to read. To relish in the beauty of a good story. I’ve read some great books this summer, watched some fun TV shows, and lost myself in some exciting movies. I’ve gorged myself on rich characters, and wonderful stories. My appetite is well satiated and I am ready to return to school full of the love of words that makes me want to be a teacher.

I never said these excuses were good or valid or even reasonable for not writing more often, but now you have them. I will do my best to return to a more normal schedule of sorts. I’m glad you haven’t abandoned me or have you? Am I talking to myself now?

Family Life, Kids

I’m Not Laughing At You, Well, Maybe

July 30, 2009 blogobeth Leave a comment

I stood in Hobby Lobby with the kids waiting in the perpetual line to check out. As the kids perused all the tantalizing craft items and candy hung temptingly low I considered what the rest of our day looked like. We had a few more errands and then hibernation from the 100+ degree heat. The kids had been getting restless at home and I was desperate to find something for them to do. Just at that moment Lucy held up a package with three containers of what appeared to be an off-brand glitter version of Play-Doh. She pleaded, “Mommy, can we PLEEEEEEEAAAASSEE get this?” I looked at the price – a mere $4. I considered the hours of pleasant play time this would provide while I did laundry and I said happily “sure, babe. This looks like fun.” When we got the package home and opened it up I was a bit surprised to realize that it wasn’t actually the consistency of Play-Doh but more like — well — goobers. It was slightly sticky, liquid and yet also a solid.

The kids could not have been more delighted and hours of play and experimentation transpired without a whimper of argument or whining. The kitchen table was happily occupied and I took the time to finish up some chores around the house. As I sat at my desk doing email Max walked in giggling and said to me, “Lucy is sad and hiding.” I turned around and saw this:

He had stuck this material in his hair and I knew that was going to be VERY bad. I leaped out of my chair and exclaimed, “WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?” Max, still finding the whole situation quite funny said slyly, “She’s hiding.” I instantly knew that if Lucy was hiding it was bad. I started calling her name but she was nowhere to be found. After ten frantic minutes of searching I found her hunched behind the family couch, squeezed next to the wall. Her low whimpers and cries barely audible. “Lucy, what happened Honey? Are you okay?” She stood up and stuck within her curly strands of hair was an entire container of this goober, glittery gunk. It was spread evenly from roots to tip covering the entire front half of her scalp. Tears were streaming down her face and I knew that she felt both shame and panic. “Baby, how did this happen?” She lowered her eyes sniffling and just shrugged her shoulders. I laughed. She cried harder. I suggested we take a picture to send to Daddy and she exploded in embarrassment, “NO!! DON’T TELL DADDY!! I DON’T WANT A PICTURE!!” Her embarrassment was absolute and no amount of assurance from me was going to make her feel better. I calmed her down and told her we would wash it out of her hair and she shouldn’t worry.

We marched into the bathroom where I broke out the baby shampoo and started washing. And washing. And washing. This goop (that was obviously made in China by people who don’t have children) would not come out of her hair. Not even a little bit. I started pulling out every kind of cleaner I could think of to remove this stuff from her hair; baby oil, vinegar, adult shampoo, olive oil, dish soap. Every new solution that I took out made Lucy cry harder and Max giggle. Lucy was frantic and I was starting to get concerned that I was going to have to cut her hair off. After an hour and a bottle of dish soap we finally got the goop out of her hair. Her eyes red and puffy from crying, she stood up and a meek smile spread across her face, “I love you Mama”. Not a true expression of affection, as much as a request to be reassured that I still loved her. “I love you too Honey. Mama isn’t mad at you. No worries. Okay?” Lucy meekly nodded her head and toddled off to watch cartoons.

It was funny. As a matter of fact I burst out laughing several times during the process of washing her hair. It seemed like such a typical thing for a child to do and one of those great stories that every parent has. And yet for Lucy, for sweet rule-abiding, must always be right Lucy, it was a moment of shame. She had ventured outside of the rules (more than likely due to the prodding of her brother) and the universe instantly punished her for it. My heart was sad for her and I wanted her to be able to laugh at herself, at the situation, to see the humor, but perhaps that is too much to ask of a five year old.

Family Life, Kids

Dear Grandparents…

July 27, 2009 blogobeth 6 Comments

We, of my generations of mothers, have a question for our parents. Where did all the toys come from? Every parent I talk to between the ages of 25-45 complains about the size and quantity of toys that seem to be over-taking their homes. None of us had a play room growing up and all of our toys seemed to fit into our bedroom. We don’t remember baskets of toys or books tucked under coffee tables or concealed beneath TV sets. We don’t remember birthday parties or Christmas’ when the opening of presents seemed to take longer than any other activity. And yet, we all remember having toys, loving toys, and being well satisfied. So where have they all come from?

Parents complain that grandparents have gotten out of control. That each child is receiving five, six, seven presents from each set of grandparents. Grandparents complain that parents are buying too many toys themselves and spoiling their children. Well, somebody is buying toys and we all need to stop. The same overture is heard again and again in my house during the holidays; “This year we are scaling back. We are giving fewer toys.” And yet, that never seems to happen. Our houses are bigger, our rooms larger, and yet the quantity of toys has grown exponentially larger. Why? I don’t think we all have more disposable income. When I compare my lifestyle now with what I had as a child I think it is similar. I don’t buy toys regularly for my children, but periodically they might be allowed to purchase a toy for accomplishing a special goal, or because of a special behavior. However, I recall my parents doing the same. And yet, the absolute obnoxious amount of toys that seems to spill out of every corner of my house is ridiculous.

Does this have to do with the fact that we no longer trust our children to play outside unsupervised? or ride their bikes around the neighborhood without an adult? Does this have to do with fewer Moms being at home and so fewer houses that kids can run to during the day for an impromptu play date? Does this have to do with our desire to structure our children’s days into camps and lessons and school and athletic activities?

I am rather diligent about staying on top of my kid’s toys and regularly throwing out toys. I’m heartless. I’m brutal. Anything that might be worthy of another child is donated to church, or to charity. And yet, even with my “take no prisoners” style of toy management I’m left overloaded. I don’t even believe in “junk” toys but toys that stir imaginative play. Even with that policy I can’t seem to control it.

So grandparents everywhere, tell me, what has changed? Did you also face these problems? Where are the toys coming from? How do we as parents stop this madness?

Family Life

Your Guilt Trip For The Day

July 24, 2009 blogobeth 5 Comments

Kids

End of Innocence

July 21, 2009 blogobeth 2 Comments

Lucy enjoying a S'more and the last days of summer

This summer marks the end of Lucy’s freedom. Starting this August Lucy will begin Kindergarten and then her life of commitments and obligations will commence. As adults we long for the days when we have “nothing” to do. No meals to cook, no chores to do, no places to be, no people expecting anyting of us. What happened to those days? We work our whole lives so we can retire and somehow, fleetingly, recapture the days between birth and five years old. I’ve delayed this day for as long as I could. I didn’t enroll Lucy in Preschool. She didn’t attend day care. We haven’t gotten her involved in sports, music, lessons, groups, organizations or anything that would place demands on her time. She’s been allowed to float in her freedom. She has evolved naturally as a person, experiencing life as it rose up to meet her. But now, that all changes. Now, she will learn about alarm clocks, and schedules, and due dates, and calendars and responsibilities. I know she will love school (as her mother did) and I know she will be successful. That is beside the point. The innocence and carefree nature of her childhood is coming to an end and for that I’m sad.

Technology

Ode To The Mini-Van

July 14, 2009 blogobeth 2 Comments

I spent much of my youth growing up in Detroit – the motor city – and I have always found it strange that although car companies will tell you that women are the final decision makers when buying a vehicle, they still have not figured out how to market to us. They either try to appeal to our sense of style/color or they try to tell us that it is cheap. Listen up Detroit! First of all I could care less what color my car is. Outside of avocado green or neon pink it is really not a deciding factor in buying a car. Second, although I’m interested in price (obviously) it is not the only thing that interests me. Marketing anything tech related to women is all about FUNCTION. What is it going to do FOR ME? And will it make my life easier or one more thing I’ve got to wash and feed? This brings me to my second most important Mommy tech item that I own (my iPhone remains at the #1 spot), my Honda Odyssey.

Now, in the world of mini-vans and soccer Moms the Honda Odyssey is the Cadillac of mini-vans and I must admit that I LOVE MY HONDA ODYSSEY. I was one of those women who swore up and down that I would never drive a mini-van. That I would rather have every shred of my cool persona stripped from me than be caught dead in a mini-van. As a result I drove a Ford Expedition. I actually drove two Ford Expeditions – one used, one new. I hated it. It was a big, huge, mammoth vehicle to drive. It sat so high off the ground that getting small children in and out was nothing less than a Herculean effort. I felt like my kids were so far away from me in the back seat that I really needed some sort of messaging system in order to talk to them. It guzzled gas (at one point costing me $75 to fill the tank) and It was difficult to fit into the driveway. And then, I herniated my back. The doctor was clear; “you cannot lift or carry your children. EVER.” That was it. How was I going to get my 18 month old son into his car seat in the Expedition if I couldn’t lift or carry him? While recovering at my in-laws house David surprised me by purchasing our first mini-van. I had no choice.

Since that fateful summer I have become a convert. An evangelist for the glory of the mini-van. My kids can get in and get out without my assistance. I can open all of the doors with a flick of a button. The built in mirror lets me keep an eye on them in the backseat. They are close enough to the front that I can reach behind with one hand and give them a juice box and still drive with the other hand. I can quickly dispatch the “look of terror” and espouse threats from the front and enforce order in the back. The back seats easily fold down to carry large items and when the seats are up the trunk is sunken in to ensure that your groceries don’t go flying all over the trunk (something the Expedition most definitely didn’t have). Honda understands Moms and the Odyssey is proof of that. The gas mileage is reasonable, and the engine has enough “get up and go” that even David isn’t embarrassed to drive it. It is big enough that it can tow our jetski and small enough that I don’t have to worry about it not fitting in the garage.

Whether I’ve lost my “cool” factor by succumbing to this item I don’t know and I no longer care. What I have discovered is that mini-van owners have an understanding. We look each other in the eye and give a nod that says, “it may not look cool but this is the best damn vehicle I’ve ever owned”.

Books

A Review: The Time Traveler’s Wife

July 10, 2009 blogobeth Leave a comment

I’ve had several people ask me recently what I thought about “The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger. The easy answer is that I liked it. I devoured the love story and characters as if it were a rich mousse waiting on me to slowly savor each bite. Niffenegger does a fabulous job of developing these wonderful people with whom you can easily identify and who’s lives you want to know more about.

However, the quality that impressed me the most was the organization and structure of this story. Yes, I’m an English teacher and at times I cannot separate the reader from the teacher and this story was a tour de force in structure. It is mind-boggling how much forethought and planning must have gone into this story before she wrote a single word. The time traveling and often times, overlap between the two characters could have been clumsy, confusing and awkward for the reader. Instead, Niffenegger seamlessly takes her reader back and forth from present to past to future without ever losing the fluidity of the story. I applaud the monumental effort that must have been put forth to make this story work on a purely organizational level.

My only disappointment was in the ending, which felt weak and almost like an after thought. Was she intentionally leaving loose threads so a sequel could be written? Oh, I hope not. The book seemed to end suddenly with so many unanswered questions that I felt betrayed at the end. I also at times felt the main characters struck me as a bit cliche. She’s an artist, he’s a librarian, they live a bohemian lifestyle in Chicago that seems perfect for Hollywood to take and turn into a movie. For my more conservative readers, this book has some very vivid sex scenes. The multiple sexual encounters of the two main characters are described ad nauseum at times and in detail that I felt was unnecessary. Call me a prude.

Overall though I felt it was a fabulous book, that was well written and crafted. I most definitely will be seeing the film in the fall and would recommend this book as a great summer time fling.