It is spring in Texas, which is my favorite time of year here. The wildflowers are blooming and the weather is perfect. I thought I’d share a bit of the sunshine floating around our house recently:
Harper Smiling from Beth Morley on Vimeo.
Baby 2.0
It is amazing how much stuff you can live WITHOUT by the time you get to your third child. This time I’m more focused on purchasing the absolute minimum of baby items. However, even with this mantra I have come across some gems that I wish I owned when Lucy and Max were little.
1.) Baby bathtub
Now I had a baby bathtub with Lucy and Max BUT NOT ONE WITH A BUILT IN SLING. Dude, this is ingenious. Bathing tiny newborns has always been the most heart-pumping, gut-wrenching, “oh my goodness I’m going to drown my child” kind of experience for me. I LOVE this bathtub. I bought it at Target (in pink) and it holds Harper still, snug and out of the water. No longer am I worried about her slippery little body shooting out of my arms and into the water.
2.) The Swaddler
This is one of those things that you wonder why somebody didn’t think of this sooner. A receiving blanket that is shaped and with velcro tabs so any idiot can tightly swaddle their baby. I don’t know about you but I’ve never been able to swaddle my baby like the hospital nurses. Seriously, do they offer a class in swaddling while they are in nursing school? Those women have a ninja level swaddling abilities. However, you can achieve that same tight effect with the Swaddler. I bought one (also at Target) and I wish I had bought ten – these things are great!!
3.) My Sling
I won’t lament you with my woes about my sling-usage since I have already done that, but I will say that this has been a life-saver for me. It is nearly impossible to go grocery shopping or run around town with three kids in tow if one of them is a newborn. I just don’t have enough arms, hands and back muscles to manage that. I love that the sling allows me to travel hands-free without lugging a 20+ pound infant carrier around. (Seriously, a man created infant carriers. I would place money on it. Because only a man would think that hauling around a 20+ pound infant carrier would be oh so convenient. Bastard.) Although I have had great luck with the Hot Sling I would encourage any new mom to try out and select a sling that fits them best. The right fit is the key here so make sure you are properly fitted. Think bra, but with a baby in it.
These new discoveries have made having a new baby much easier for me and makes me almost think that a fourth might be fun. And then, I remember that my stomach lives in a separate county from the rest of my body.
Lucy Talks Boys & Marriage
While driving home from church Lucy and I talk marriage:
Lucy: Mommy, will I ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever find a boy to marry me?
Me: Of course you will.
Lucy: But there are so, so, so many boys that are ALREADY married
Me: Well, God has somebody special picked out for you to marry
Lucy: What is his name?
Me: Well, Lucy I don’t know his name
Lucy: When will I meet him?
Me: I have no idea. God will introduce you when it is time.
Lucy: Mommy, let’s promise to not tell anybody that I asked that.
Me: I promise.
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A week later on the way home from school Lucy and I talk about the allure of the “bad boy”
Lucy: Matthew was very bad in school today
Me: Really?
Lucy: Yeah, he got a note sent home to his mommy
Me: What did he do?
Lucy: He is soooo mean. I say nice things to him alllll the time and he never says nice things and today while we were standing in line he tried to bite Karen and then he lied about how many stars he got and then he didn’t stop talking
Me: Wow, sounds like he doesn’t have very good behavior
Lucy: No, but he does have a nice haircut.
Hot Dogs Kill
As a rule I’m a “live and let live” kind of person. I don’t feel compelled to preach my way of living or expect others to follow suit or to even think that my way is the best way. Since having children this is an especially difficult road to travel since EVERYBODY has an opinion regarding how you should or should not be raising your child. I’ve done a rather good job navigating these waters and have pretty much avoided most conflict. Until now.
After herniating a disc in my back from carrying Max around as an infant I swore I wouldn’t make that same mistake with Harper. I started researching baby slings and carriers. I wanted a sling that fit me well and that I felt comfortable using. I’m a rather “endowed” woman and so finding a proper fitting sling became a challenge for me. I went to an actual sling store and spoke with experts who fitted me. I settled on a Hot Sling – which I LOVE. (Dear Hot Sling, feel free to send me some more since I only own one). My only regret is that I didn’t use a sling with my other children. Harper loves being so close to me and I love feeling her snug against me. I can grocery shop with the other two kids in the cart and still have room for food. I can walk to the park, wash dishes, play board games, etc. It is one of my favorite baby items at the moment.
And then the article came out. SLINGS KILL BABIES! Suddenly strangers are stopping me in the grocery store warning me that I’m killing my child. My friends, family, doctors are suddenly concerned with the safety of my child. I read the warning and I consulted the Hot Sling website and I’m still comfortable using my sling. You know why? Because only 14 children have died over 20 years. That is less than one death a year. 1.6 children a year die from eating hot dogs. That means that hot dogs are more dangerous than baby slings. I don’t see anybody accosting people in the cold cuts aisle because they are feeding their child hot dogs. I recognize the problems that some women have had with slings and I am very careful that Harper is facing up, that she is not curled up on herself and I check her often. I do this because I am a responsible parent who cares for her child. 14 deaths in 20 years is more of a comment on the idiots who are parents than the poorly designed product.
If you see me in the store and Harper is snug in her sling don’t even THINK about telling me about the death trap I have created or I will punch you in the throat.
The D-Word
I love watching the show “Intervention”. I was a “good” kid growing up and was never once tempted to try drugs or abuse alcohol. David says that if I were a super hero my super power would be an immunity to peer pressure. Indeed I have a sort of impervious attitude against what other people think of me. You combine that quality with the fact that I hate feeling “out of control” and you can understand why drugs and alcohol never held an allure for me. That makes “Intervention” fascinating to me. Why? Why do people do this to themselves? Why do they consciously choose to escape their own reality? But since becoming a mother the real underlying reason I watch is to answer the question, “could that be my kid?” I have this unquenchable desire to understand why people start drugs. What drives them to that choice? What could their parents or family done differently? How can I create an environment that shields my children from that same life choice?
Within the last month David and I have received the news that four of our friends are starting or finishing divorce proceedings. These are friends for whom we stood at their weddings. We bought presents, attended parties, wished them well and shared in their joy of marital happiness. We all started at the same gate with presents and dresses and ceremonies of one kind or another but we won’t all finish. The same fear and curiosity that drives me to watch “Intervention” makes me obsess over my friends’ divorces. What went wrong? How did two seemingly happy people grow apart? How did they end up hating each other? What happened? But the most important question is “am I next”?
It’s weird how we all get married, have kids, start careers and the tracks of our lives seem to run smoothly and parallel. Oh, we get busy and perhaps we don’t spend as much time together but we assume that our life experiences remain similar. Until one day you find out your friend’s life has taken a major detour and you never saw it coming. I’m not angry at my friends or even disappointed. I am sad. I am sad for them and fearful for myself.
Inevitably while watching “Intervention” it will come out that during this person’s past something traumatic happened. They were abused, molested, neglected, etc, etc. Some life-altering event happened that started this person’s downward spiral into drugs and alcohol. It is always easy to identify and point to the source of this person’s addiction and bad choices. But with divorce, there is no clear reason. Even an affair is not the reason for the divorce the problem started long before the affair. How do any of us know if we are doing the right thing? How can I avoid this happening in my own marriage? Overall I think David and I have a good marriage. We talk, we hang out, we care, we’re respectful, but didn’t everybody start off like that? When does talking and loving dissolve into resentment and distaste?
I wish I could fast forward to the part of the show where they tell me if the person stayed sober or fell off the wagon. I’m always hoping for a happy ending and perhaps the idea of divorce really messes with my desire for life to have neatly squared off corners.
One Night
Ever since we moved into the new house David and I have been trying to get the kids to sleep in their own beds. This has been an up hill battle since everything has been working against us. The biggest obstacle has been Harper’s arrival since this has meant I’ve moved onto the couch in order to make sure that my middle of the night up and down patterns don’t bother anybody. As a result it has been easier for David to let the kids sleep with him. However, after a month of this David and I have been longing for that hour or two of alone time and finally put our foot down this week. The problem with this is that Max hasn’t fully recovered from his tonsillectomy and so he is waking up several times a night in tears due to the drainage and discomfort.
This was how our evening played out last night:
8:00 PM: David puts Lucy & Max to bed. Stories, hugs, kisses and a pleasant send off to sleep
9:00PM: I put Harper in her crib with a full tummy and some sweet lullabies
9:10PM: David and I decide on the bold move of watching a movie together. This infuriates the gods in charge of parental sleep
9:15PM: Harper cries having lost her pacifier and unable to control her hands
9:20PM: Harper cries having lost her pacifier and unable to control her hands
9:25PM: Harper cries
9:35PM: Harper cries
9:45PM: Harper cries and I cave in. I pull her out of her crib and spend the rest of movie night holding her in my lap.
11:00PM: Harper falls asleep
12:00AM: I successfully move Harper into her crib. Movie ends and David and I slink off to bed
12:35AM: Max wakes up crying with his chest heaving in panic. David runs upstairs and brings him back down to help him take his pain medication (the medication he HATES). The sight of medicine throws him into a wrenching cry pattern where he gags and heaves like he is dying. When asked “what’s wrong?” he responds with “NOTHING!!” We realize his throat is bothering him because he is talking through clenched teeth. After 45 minutes we get the medicine down and put him in bed with us.
1:00AM-2:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS
2:00AM: Harper wakes up and wants to eat. I feed her. I fall asleep only once during the feeding and thus drop the bottle on her head. Mother of the year application thus destroyed.
2:45AM: I sneak back into bed
3:00AM: Lucy appears at my bedside crying because her throat hurts. I suspect it is because she is snoring due to a stuffed up nose. She drinks some water and goes to bed with us. David moves onto the couch.
3:15AM – 4:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS
4:00AM: Harper wakes up for no apparent reason and cries for twenty minutes while I put her back to bed.
4:30AM: As I am putting Harper back to bed Max wakes up crying again that his throat hurts. I rush back to find David awake, Max awake and Lucy awake. Lucy is complaining that her throat hurts. Max is crying over “NOTHING” and I’m so tired I reflect sympathetically on Andrea Yeats.
5:00AM – 5:30AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS
5:30AM: Harper wakes up to eat again. Lucy wakes up to complain about her throat. When told that she won’t be able to go to school if her throat hurts she is instantly healed and starts crying because “I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL”.
6:00 AM-7:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS
7:00AM: Max wakes up crying that his throat hurts and that he wants to watch cartoons. Lucy wakes up because Max is awake. I roll out of bed and run to the grocery store before 8:00 AM. And thus, my day begins.
That is right, I had 3.5 hours of sleep last night. I wish I could say this was an isolated evening but alas, this is pretty much how the last three nights have gone. I cannot drive anywhere because I’m certainly a road hazard. I am incapable of answering simple questions like “what is your son’s birthday?” or “what is YOUR birthday?” I find myself falling asleep in strange places, the car pool lane, the shower, while talking on the phone. The challenge is not the functioning without sleep – it is the functioning without sleep WHILE STILL LIVING WITH OTHER HUMANS. It takes every ounce of restraint in my body to not be sarcastic and/or shouting at every other person in my life.
As David opened the front door to leave for work this morning we looked at each other sympathetically each knowing that the other had a rough day ahead. I gave him a sideways smile and muttered, “we knew it was going to be hard”. He threw me a fist bump and sheepishly said “Go team Morley”.
Sweets For The Sweetie
Harper truly is an easy baby. She sleeps, she eats, she smiles, she poops – repeat cycle. As newborns go I can’t really complain. If she can just survive Max’s early tortures and prodding I think she’ll be quite the little sister. For all of the indecision and uncertainty David and I had about whether or not we should have a third – well, I can’t imagine our lives without her. Our family finally feels complete. Now, if she could just sleep more than three hours at a shot we’d be in great shape.
I also wanted to share with you this great recipe I found for Peach Crumb Cake from Bakerella. Usually her recipes are far too complex for me, but this one was so easy that I made it a week after giving birth and was an instant success. As a matter of fact, it is so awesome I almost didn’t share it so the next time you come to my house you would be all impressed with my mad cooking skills.
Lucy Discovers The Secret Of Life
Recently, as Lucy and I meandered our way through the car pool lane, she declared “boys are weird”. Curious as to why she had come to this most obvious conclusion I said “why do you say that?” Lucy’s response, “because they do weird stuff like put their tongues on ice cubes and flag poles to see if they stick. Girls wear perfume and smell good.” At six years old she very clearly identified the root of every single female conversation; “boys are weird”.
Max recently turned four years old and during these four years we have already had to make three visits to the hospital. He has also almost electrocuted himself, and painted his entire head including in his ears and up his nose. Max’s latest visit to the hospital was to get his tonsils out. As he roused himself like a Rastafarian emerging from the heavy haze of smoke he turned and said to me, “I like getting my tonsils out.” Ignoring this as the nonsense talk of somebody with a good buzz I tell him that it is time to go home. And proving once again that parents have no idea what they are talking about he starts crying and declares “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay in the hopital”
Yes Lucy, boys are weird.
