Ever since we moved into the new house David and I have been trying to get the kids to sleep in their own beds.  This has been an up hill battle since everything has been working against us.  The biggest obstacle has been Harper’s arrival since this has meant I’ve moved onto the couch in order to make sure that my middle of the night up and down patterns don’t bother anybody. As a result it has been easier for David to let the kids sleep with him.  However, after a month of this David and I have been longing for that hour or two of alone time and finally put our foot down this week.  The problem with this is that Max hasn’t fully recovered from his tonsillectomy and so he is waking up several times a night in tears due to the drainage and discomfort.

This was how our evening played out last night:

8:00 PM: David puts Lucy & Max to bed. Stories, hugs, kisses and a pleasant send off to sleep

9:00PM: I put Harper in her crib with a full tummy and some sweet lullabies

9:10PM: David and I decide on the bold move of watching a movie together.  This infuriates the gods in charge of parental sleep

9:15PM: Harper cries having lost her pacifier and unable to control her hands

9:20PM: Harper cries having lost her pacifier and unable to control her hands

9:25PM: Harper cries

9:35PM: Harper cries

9:45PM: Harper cries and I cave in. I pull her out of her crib and spend the rest of movie night holding her in my lap.

11:00PM: Harper falls asleep

12:00AM: I successfully move Harper into her crib. Movie ends and David and I slink off to bed

12:35AM: Max wakes up crying with his chest heaving in panic.  David runs upstairs and brings him back down to help him take his pain medication (the medication he HATES). The sight of medicine throws him into a wrenching cry pattern where he gags and heaves like he is dying.  When asked “what’s wrong?” he responds with “NOTHING!!” We realize his throat is bothering him because he is talking through clenched teeth.  After 45 minutes we get the medicine down and put him in bed with us.

1:00AM-2:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS

2:00AM: Harper wakes up and wants to eat.  I feed her. I fall asleep only once during the feeding and thus drop the bottle on her head.  Mother of the year application thus destroyed.

2:45AM: I sneak back into bed

3:00AM: Lucy appears at my bedside crying because her throat hurts. I suspect it is because she is snoring due to a stuffed up nose. She drinks some water and goes to bed with us.  David moves onto the couch.

3:15AM – 4:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS

4:00AM: Harper wakes up for no apparent reason and cries for twenty minutes while I put her back to bed.

4:30AM: As I am putting Harper back to bed Max wakes up crying again that his throat hurts.  I rush back to find David awake, Max awake and Lucy awake. Lucy is complaining that her throat hurts. Max is crying over “NOTHING” and I’m so tired I reflect sympathetically on Andrea Yeats.

5:00AM – 5:30AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS

5:30AM: Harper wakes up to eat again. Lucy wakes up to complain about her throat. When told that she won’t be able to go to school if her throat hurts she is instantly healed and starts crying because “I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL”.

6:00 AM-7:00AM: EVERYBODY SLEEPS

7:00AM: Max wakes up crying that his throat hurts and that he wants to watch cartoons. Lucy wakes up because Max is awake. I roll out of bed and run to the grocery store before 8:00 AM.  And thus, my day begins.

That is right, I had 3.5 hours of sleep last night. I wish I could say this was an isolated evening but alas, this is pretty much how the last three nights have gone. I cannot drive anywhere because I’m certainly a road hazard.  I am incapable of answering simple questions like “what is your son’s birthday?” or “what is YOUR birthday?” I find myself falling asleep in strange places, the car pool lane, the shower, while talking on the phone.  The challenge is not the functioning without sleep – it is the functioning without sleep WHILE STILL LIVING WITH OTHER HUMANS.  It takes every ounce of restraint in my body to not be sarcastic and/or shouting at every other person in my life.

As David opened the front door to leave for work this morning we looked at each other sympathetically each knowing that the other had a rough day ahead.  I gave him a sideways smile and muttered, “we knew it was going to be hard”.  He threw me a fist bump and sheepishly said “Go team Morley”.