From early on David and I decided against sending our kids to preschool.  David comes from a bevy of educators who have all told us again and again that preschool is not necessary.  That society has created this feeling of urgency to shove kids into school at too young of an age and that anything our kids would learn at preschool they could comfortabley learn at home.  These people are experts.  These are people who have spent more time reading, studying and learning about early childhood development than I could ever imagine knowing in my entire lifetime.  No problem.

Lucy has either been home with me or with a nanny from the day she was born.  She has spent her mornings tumbling out of bed, shuffling around her pj’s and drinking chocolate milk like a drunk sailor. Over the years I have carefully tracked her development against what is expected of kindergarten age children and indeed Lucy has always met or exceeded developmental milestones — except for scissors. Our first note from Lucy’s kindergarten teacher was to let us know that for a five year old Lucy was really lacking in her scissor skills.  OH MY GOSH MY DAUGHTER WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN LIFE BECAUSE SHE CAN’T CUT ON A STRAIGHT LINE!!! For the record, I have always supremely sucked at cut and paste and I’m assuming that Lucy has inherited this apparent lack of scissor skills from me.

We had a nanny lined up at the beginning of the summer for Max but this person fell through and I had to start the search for a new care-giver.  We ended re-hiring a former nanny and this seemed like a perfect resolution.  Max would continue to stay at home, like his sister, and be cared for by the same person who nurtured Lucy.  Two weeks before the school year was to start for me that person informed us that she couldn’t do it.  I was screwed.  Two weeks is not nearly enough time to find a quality nanny.  We were left with few options.  We enrolled Max into preschool.

Yesterday was Max’s first day of preschool.  My anxiety and self-doubt as a parent over this decision is bottomless. I have never second-guessed and questioned a parenting decision as much as I have this one. David dropped Max at preschool yesterday.  David was filled with trepidation and viewed all the people at the school with a cynical eye.  Max, after a brief moment of shyness and tears, quickly settled down and never looked back.  When I eagerly picked him up he was cheerful and excitedly told me about his new friends.

This is the ultimate truth about parenting;  kids are usually ready for new challenges and experiences long before their parents are ready.  I can justify and explain this decision all day but it still won’t make me feel any better.