Mothers develop their own logic, a sort of sixth sense that allows them to navigate the obstacles of parenthood. This logic is beyond what any other mortal can comprehend or understand. Once again, as a service to my audience, let me decipher Mom Logic for you.

Mom Logic #1
Apple pie or other fruit confection is fine for breakfast

From the outside this may look like I am feeding my child dessert. However, when the alternative to apple pie is either a Pop Tart, breakfast cereal, or a frozen waffle a piece of apple pie is actually a nutritional improvement.

Mom Logic #2
Any pacifier/rattle that has fallen on the floor can be picked up, licked clean by mom and returned to child.

I recognize that the saliva in a mother has never been scientifically proven to contain anti-bacterial components. However, my immune system is far stronger than my child’s immune system. My patience is far weaker. As a result, I’d rather lick as many germs off as possible and then give it back to my child in order to prevent a further melt down or tantrum. No harm no foul.

Mom Logic #3
If all is quiet something is wrong.

This kind of thinking is not because mothers are inherently negative, cynical party poopers. No, this logic comes from too many experiences discovering that your child has found a new way to entertain themselves that includes one of the following; washing their face in the toilet, unrolling an entire roll of toilet paper, smearing all of your make up on the wall, or putting all of your underwear on their head as a jaunty hat. (yes, I have experienced all of these things personally).

Mom Logic #4
Worrying insures that the outcome will be positive

You can tell a mother a thousand times that worrying is not productive and she will look at you like you are an idiot. This is because mothers know, for a fact, that worrying prevents bad things from happening. Why? Because if we worry a sufficient amount that means we have thought of, and prepared for, all possible problems or outcomes. If we have prepared properly than nothing bad can happen. However, we can only plan properly if we have worried sufficiently.

Mom Logic #5
Always make too much food

This always appears as if mothers are incapable of judging the proper amount of food to cook for their family. This is not the case. Instead, mothers have learned that whatever food they make for child A will also, spontaneously be desired by child B, even though child B has never eaten or shown a desire for that food before. As a result, mothers must cook extra food to account for any, and all possible meal combination. (see Mom Logic #4).

This post was supposed to be for a blogging contest, but I missed the entry deadline. Oh well. However, I still liked the idea so I wrote the post anyways. I’m sure I would have won.