Welcome! If you are here it is either because you are related to me, or you have arrived here via Scribbit. I feel we should discuss some things before we enter into any kind of long-term reader/blogger relationship. It’s best that we’re honest up front – that way this won’t end up with us yelling at each other and you accusing me of not telling you about that nasty habit I have of eating ALL of the chocolate chip cookies.

What is your blog about?
Well, blogs are fundamentally narcissistic so obviously it is about me. I have a propensity to exaggerate and that is a characteristic that I inherited from my mother’s side of the family. I come from about 200 generations of exaggerators. My desire to embellish mixed with the fact that I think everything that happens to me must also be happening to everybody else makes me the ideal candidate to blog.

Are you serious?
No. As a blanket statement it is important that you know that I am NEVER serious. Sarcasm, irony and general lying are the arrows that I stow within my quiver of creativity. Along with obnoxiously flowered language.

Don’t you know people are dying? How can you be so trite?
Hmm, perhaps it is because I spend most of my day talking about why your birthday only comes once a year, why it isn’t a good idea to pull the cat’s tail and hitting and biting are not appropriate ways to show affection. When I’m not doing that I’m cleaning poop from either my children or the cat and then I get to correct misspellings from 18 year olds who think that doing research entails going to Google and typing “Shakespheres” (and yes, I spelled that wrong, because they spell it wrong). If I didn’t laugh and see the absurdity in the situation I would probably require several, simultaneous prescriptions for Prozac.

What is your favorite reality TV show?
Well, now you’ve caught me. I LOVE reality TV and I fully understand that it sits only marginally above tabloid newspapers on the spectrum of good taste. I used to watch the Real World, but once it went to Vegas and became soft-porn I gave it up. I have watched every season of Survivor and don’t anticipate missing any in the future. I’m also a big fan of Top Chef and am mourning the loss of the Bravo Network as part of my cable package. *sniffle*

Aren’t you an English professor? How can you watch such trash?
Hey, maybe I teach English, but I’m human aren’t I? Sheesh. You people have ridiculously high standards. To quote Jane Austen; “I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any.” (see how I squeezed that in, in order to redeem myself?)

Since you do teach English should I expect perfect grammar in all of your posts?
NO!! I’m not a grammarian, I’m an English teacher. That means I spent my college days writing terrible poetry and dreaming about characters like Mr. Darcy and Heathcliffe. I couldn’t recite the rule on semi-colons if my life depended on it.

Did you know that you are scarring your children by doing any of the following; writing about them, feeding them junk food, allowing them to watch tv, or not sterilizing everything that enters their mouth?
Yes, I am painfully aware of it. However, I haven’t resorted to making them sell hard drugs or cracking a rolling pin over their head so I still have plenty of space to fall even further from the “perfect mom pedestal”. And by the way, don’t waste your time writing me to tell me that I should be reading to them more, not writing about them, feeding them organic, kosher meals or instructing them on the ways of the Force. I get the fact that I’m not a perfect parent and that some day my kids will resent me. Its cool.

I’m glad we got to clear the air. I’m happy you came to visit (or revisit) and I hope you continue to stick around. Things here ain’t pretty but they are usually good for a laugh.