I knew it was coming. As a matter of fact it was the one thing I was dreading more than having the D&C in the hospital. The hormonal and emotional upheaval that comes after you’ve had a baby. Only this time there is no baby. There is just the emotional carnage that is left behind. At least when you have a baby you can blame the not sleeping, the fact that your body hurts, the adjustment to being a new mother, really, the excuses are endless. But when you miscarry your emotional capsizing can only be blamed on hormones and that’s pretty weak. I cry. I cry about nothing. Intellectually I know I will feel better in a couple of weeks when my body regains its hormonal equilibrium, but for now I’m a captain with no compass.

Everything bothers me and nothing bothers me. David can’t utter a word right now without me misinterpreting it and his sheer existence is enough to throw me into tears over absolutely nothing. I know he’s trying really hard to tell himself that this emotional wreck of a human is not his wife but an alien that came in the middle of the night. He’s biting his tongue so much lately that I fear he will have permanent scarring.