Well, I wrote this long essay regarding the plight of parents and what this society has come to. How our kids no longer have the freedom for imaginative play. But, when I reread it I realized it sounded like a bunch of whining which I’ll save for my students.

I really just wanted to post this picture – go ahead, comment.

Lucy has recently become obsessed with knock-knock jokes. It is like living with a really bad comedian. She only knows about three jokes but she thinks all of them are hysterical and expects peels of laughter every time. David and I humored her for the first 200 times she told the jokes but now I feel like tossing vegetables at her and telling her to get off the stage.

Lucy: Knock-Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Lucy: Boo
Me: Boo Who?
Lucy: Don’t cry mommy
(polite laughter from me follows)

Recently I’ve noticed that Max is starting to also tire of her jokes. And if you’ve worn out a 2 yr. old than you’ve really pushed the limits. The joke-telling now goes something like this:

Lucy: Knock-Knock
Max: Boo
Lucy: No Max, you’re supposed to say “Who”
Max: Boo Who
Lucy: AAAARRRGHHH Max!!!

When Lucy was about 2 years old David took her to see “Cars” in the movie theater. The lights got dark, and the THX surround sound intro roared onto the screen and Lucy fell apart. She ran screaming out of the theater and has never returned. Since that fateful day she has not stopped talking about it or being scared of it. That was over 2 years ago. She proudly relays to any person willing to stop and listen that she’s scared of the THX, that it has a robot, that it makes a loud mooing (or roaring sound) and that she makes us fast-forward past it when we watch a movie at home. To this day she will run into another room while a movie starts and has become an expert at spotting the THX logo on DVD cases. She also has a running catalog of all movies that have a THX intro and those who do not.

Well, recently Lucy has faced her THX demon and has conquered it. She proudly boasts that she thinks it is “funny” and that she never was really scared of it to begin with. However, nothing prepared me for dinner tonight:

Me: Okay, let’s say a prayer
Lucy: I want to say it
Me: Okay go ahead
Lucy: Thank you God for Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you for Max. Thank you for Daddy. Thank you for all the good things. And oh, thank you for the THX. Amen.

Amen Lucy.

I’m a little worried about Lucy’s business sense.

Me: Okay Lucy you need to eat 2 more bites of rice before dessert
Lucy: 2 or 3 bites of rice?
Me: 3 bites of rice?
Lucy: Do I eat that after 2 bites?
Me: Yes
Lucy: Can’t I just eat 3 bites of rice?
Me: Sure
Lucy: Mommy, your hair sure is pretty.

Oprah did a show this week about a woman who was a hoarder. I was amazed by this woman. She had filled her 3,000+ sq. foot house to the ceiling with stuff. She had everything from wrapping paper to TV’s. I could not stop thinking about this woman’s need to fill an emptiness and her desire to do it with “stuff”. The “expert” on this show said something that really struck me. He said “respect the space you have”. His idea was that we all only have so much space and we shouldn’t buy, or keep more stuff than what comfortably fits into our space.

David and I have two small kids and we live in a 2,000 sq ft house. Our house isn’t huge, and it has TERRIBLE closet space. (I actually have a linen closet that is shaped like a triangle – no, I’m not making that up). However, it should be plenty of room for a family four.

So, Oprah’s show aired on Wed and on Thursday I got a notice that our subdivision was having a garage sale. I kicked into action commando-style and I was merciless. I wanted to get rid of anything that didn’t “honor my space”. I got rid of wedding presents we received, I got rid of vases that once held flowers David had bought for me, furniture, tools, linens, VIDEO GAMES (Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I did that).

I’m sitting here on my couch exhausted and basking in the glory that my house has been cleansed and in return I have $320 that I didn’t have this morning. Man, I love that as a stay at home mom I have generated actual cash — and it didn’t involve me exposing my body.

As some of you may remember, I herniated a disc in my back last summer. No, it wasn’t caused by an accident, but my crying son who refused to let anybody else carry him. Having experienced a pain that actually exceeds that of child-birth I have been actively trying to avoid going through it again. Unlike the pain of child-birth which women seem to gleefully pursue again and again defying all logic. Avoiding back pain means two things; 1. don’t lift anything heavy and 2. exercise your abdominals.

I was born with no abdominal muscles. As a matter of fact I come from a long line of women lacking abdominal muscles. My family tree hasn’t included six-pack abs since before the birth of Jesus. The thought of somehow magically creating abdominal muscles by doing hundreds of crunches a day is unrealistic – especially when you consider that there are Survivor episodes to watch, chocolate Easter bunnies to eat and a new American Idol in the process of being selected. C’mon people, I’m only human!!

My friend Laura, recognizing my plight recommended a series of exercise DVD’s called 10-Minute workouts. Yesterday I received my Pilates and Fitness Ball 10-minute DVD’s in the mail. I was giddy with excitement. The hope of having muscle definition in 10-simple minutes seemed like a dream come true. I dreamed of swimsuit season as the DVD player whirred into action.

10 minutes later I was slumped over my fitness ball begging for mercy from the perky and energetic instructor on the tv who exclaimed “You Did Great! Let’s do the next circuit!” How is that possible? I don’t think I could even move my toe and she’s smiling and perky like she just had her toes painted. Did you know there is an actual muscle that is near your belly-button? Well there is and mine hurts like hell.

Don’t be fooled though – I have not given up. I will not be beaten by Perky Patty and her large beach ball!!

You may have noticed that I’ve added “Twitter” updates to my blog. The concept of “Twitter” is that at any moment I can share my thoughts and observations with you. I know what you are thinking — how did we EVER survive without such technology? I got the idea for Twitter updates from Mighty Girl. However, I could never figure out a way to make it work for me prior to my iPhone. Oh, the beauty of the iPhone. Now, wherever I am or whatever I’m thinking I can instantly share with you. No longer will I have to rush home and then realize that whatever brilliant idea I had 3 hours ago while pumping gas now eludes me. Oh the magnificence of knowing my thoughts on everything from lawn ornaments to why Diane Rheme’s voice sounds like that on NPR? (Seriously, is she a man?)I know you are all breathless with anticipation.

I guess I’m happy that he’s having a healthy snack. I just wish I didn’t end up with tiny bites of apple skin all over my carpet.