This morning the kids and I were playing Hide and Seek. Usually this entails Lucy counting to ten in about 3 seconds, me running to a hiding place and staying there until Lucy cries out of fear that I’ve left the house. I find it all very funny. In the middle of this game I quickly turned the corner into my living room and discovered this on the floor:

That’s right, a frog. There was a LIVE FROG IN MY LIVING ROOM. It was jumping, it was leaping, IT WAS IN MY LIVING ROOM. I’d like to say that I handled this situation with grace, poise and the maturity of an adult, but in reality I squealed like a little girl. I was so completely horrified that this slimy, disgusting amphibian was in my house I could barely contain my panic. While I tried to compose myself Lucy started squealing in delight “MAX! LOOK! A FROG! CAN I TOUCH IT? CAN I TOUCH IT?” And while Lucy was celebrating this amazing event in our household, the cat was busy trying to kill it. I was frozen. Do I prevent the cat from killing it? Do I not let the kids touch it? How do I get it out of my house? What if I CAN’T get it out of my house? In a moment of bravery and courage I scooped the frog up, put it in a plastic container (that will be burned at a later date) and tossed the frog outside. Only THEN did I let the kids touch it, because for some reason it seemed natural for them to touch a frog OUTSIDE.

Since I joined the teaching profession the only time I have to read anything fun is over the summer. You won’t find new and emerging authors on my list. Mainly because I’m not cool enough to know who they are, but you will find good stories that you can get lost in. Some of these books I’ve read and I’m planning on reading again. Others I’ve never read and can’t wait to start this summer.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I LOVE this story. It is a beautiful story of a young orphaned girl as she struggles to overcome adversity and her low class surroundings. She falls in love, she falls out of love, she falls in love again. Mainly, you will cry. You will cry A LOT. Such a beautiful story.

The Buccaneers by Edith Wharton

This is sort of a “Gone With the Wind” meets “Pride & Prejudice”. This is a sweet story about a family of daughters living in New York in 1870 who although are from a wealthy family they are “new money”. Unable to make the right societal connections to marry they travel to the UK to explore society there. It’s a great, witty story.

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

I haven’t read this story yet but everybody even remotely related to me has recommended it. It is a story about an Indian man stuck on a lifeboat with a Tiger and through this remarkable experience discovers a connection with God. I think. I’ll let you know what I think at the end of the summer.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Both of my English degrees focused on English literature not American. As a result I’m poorly versed in American authors. It is a disaster that I’ve never read Tom Sawyer and so this summer I’m sitting down to read it for the first time. I’m excited to find out all about Tom’s adventures through a racist and prejudiced South. Give you my full opinion later.

I’d love to have people read with me so if you are interested in joining the adventure leave a comment and let me know what you are reading first.

Max: Sissy! Mine!!
Lucy: Maaax, it’s okay
Max: SIISSSY!! MIIINE!
Lucy: Max, it’s okay. I love you okay?
Max: Ok Sissy.

I watched Heather Armstrong (of Dooce) on Nightline last night. First, I want to say that Heather was wonderful. Second, I can’t believe so many people HATE Mom’s who blog. I’m feeling the need to clearly communicate my opinion on this issue since I am part of this new crowd.

Criticism #1
“If you hate being a mother so much why are you one?”

Okay, lets make something clear. I don’t hate being a mother. As a matter of fact I LOVE being a mother and if you read most Mom blogs for long you will realize this about almost all of them. Sure we might complain about getting poop under our fingernails but who wouldn’t? Really, do you know somebody who LIKES poop under their fingernails? We might complain about our three year old asking “Why” 500 times in a day but again, isn’t that a form of torture in some countries? EVERY job, even ones you get paid for, have aspects that you don’t like. I love being a mother but I don’t LOVE every aspect of it.

Criticism #2
“You do this because you are narcissistic and want all the attention on you.”

This is odd to me. I spend my time writing about the wonderfully funny, delightful, and sometimes annoying things my FAMILY does and that makes ME narcissistic? Here is the deal. I’m a SAHM. My only adult-interaction is when the UPS man comes and lately he’s been “dropping and running”. My blog allows me to have a virtual conversation with a virtual adult. Sometimes those virtual adults talk back. And oh, it is so nice to read sentences with big words and complete thoughts.

Criticism #3
“You are violating your family’s privacy, especially your children who will grow to resent you.”

You are right, my children are going to resent me. But, they are going to resent me whether I’m blogging or not and here is a surprise, YOUR children are going to resent YOU too. Why? because that is nature. Everybody resents their parents at some point regardless of what they do or don’t do. I do have boundaries. What they are is none of your business but I can assure you that not EVERYTHING makes it on my blog and most of what happens stays at home. A good writer does not need a lot of material to write several paragraphs a day.

Criticism #4
“You are putting your kids in danger”

I’m going to steal Dooce‘s answer to this question:

After being exposed to the proper amount of guilt David has given me one of the best Mother’s Day gifts I’ve ever received. David created a packet of “Guilt Cards”- each card requesting a favor with its own accompanying guilt message.

I love these cards and not just because they periodically allow me to get out of doing some household chores. In one action they tell me that David recognizes what I do, appreciates it and is offering to give me a break.

(click on image to see larger size)

I think my favorite is “Please Change the Kitty Litter – you’ll find the litter in the garage next to your son’s broken tricycle”. I can’t wait to see what my birthday brings!

Mom, I’m sorry. You were right.

One of the most surprising things about becoming a mother is realizing in a lightning-bolt-flash of a moment that your mother had been right. Indeed, she was right about so many things. I want to take a moment and let my mom wallow in her “rightness”. You were right when you told me:

• That Santa Claus would always come as long as I believed
• That life isn’t always fair
• That some problems and wounds feel better the next morning
• To always bake chocolate chip cookies on rainy days, even when living in Seattle
• To not save the good china and the good furniture just for guests or special occasions.
• To pick up after yourself and to put your toys away when finished
• That fairies live in lamps, teddy bears talk and magic exists in warm, fuzzy blankets.
• To only listen to opinions from people whom you respect.
• That sometimes the best time to spend your money is when you don’t have it
• To not live life scared. Be bold.
• To surround myself with pretty things, and bright colors
• Broken hearts hurt but everybody gets one and that is why there are so many songs written about it.
• To never call people names when angry. When you fight stick to the issue not to the person.
• Motherhood is a job and you need to treat it like one. Get up, put on your uniform and get to work.
• When you are wrong, say you’re sorry, and mean it.
• To make spaghetti sauce from scratch, and matzo ball soup from a package
• To not talk about doing something but do it
• That 5 years old is the best age to be and even though we all grow older none of us has to grow up.

Most importantly you told me that you loved me every day. You told me that motherhood was the best job you ever had and you would do it again if you could. And so today mama I’m giving you permission to say “I told you so”. You were right.

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This is my submission for Scribbit’s Write Away Contest

My mother-in-law, Carolyn, is 5’11” and since I stand at a meager 5’4″ this made quite the impression on me when we first met. Carolyn is this beautiful combination of old-fashioned southern belle and 21st century bad-ass. She knows how to make biscuits and gravy from scratch and runs a large daycare center with over 200 children. But the thing I love most about Carolyn is that she almost always takes my side when David and I argue. A quality that is priceless in a mother-in-law.

Television is filled with a long litany of evil mother-in-laws from Endora on “Bewitched” to Marie on “Everybody Loves Raymond”. That is the order of nature. Mother loves son. Son loves other woman. Mother hates other woman. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. My relationship with Carolyn could not be farther from that image. Since I live so far from my own mother, Carolyn has become my “satellite Mom”. In many ways I feel as if my mother taught me all that she could and where she stopped Carolyn has picked up.

Carolyn has taught me about loving others even when you’d rather smack them. She has taught me so much about being a parent and most importantly has given me the confidence I needed to raise my own children. She held my hand (or leg as the case may be) through the birth of both of my children and encouraged me to embrace the beauty and wonder of pushing a small, wet, tiny, slimy, person out of my body. Much like my own mother she has seen me at my worst, knows the worst things about me and still loves me.

I love the fact that when I sit in her “chair” her side table is filled with magazines, newspaper clippings and interesting books. I adore that her closets are a magical source of childhood memories and a menagerie of new toys. But mostly I love her for not trying to change me, for loving me as I am, and allowing me to marry her son. And that is why I don’t call her Carolyn. I call her mom.

This is not related to Mother’s Day, but I just saw one of these in the park next to my house.

That is right, a bobcat. I saw a bobcat on the sidewalk where my kids and I travel to get to the playground. I’m thinking our next outdoor activity will be in the mall.