Me: Are all those roosters?
David: Yeah
Me: Are they chained to those little houses?
David: It sure looks like it.
Me: Hmm, that is weird. I wonder why they are like that?
David: Well, I think it’s a world clock. I think if we look close enough we’ll see that they have little signs that say, “Singapore”, “London”, “Paris”, etc

The most important thing you need to know about my sister-in-law is that her name is also Beth.

Saturday afternoon the men-folk left the campsite to go buy wood for the fire. The children gleefully played around the campsite. Beth and I sat around the fire chatting lightly about our kids, households, family, etc. All Beth said was “Oh!” as the raccoon sauntered up out of the woods into our campsite. I calmly picked up any food and shoved it into the car and Beth positioned herself between the raccoon and the kids. He was a cute and calm little thing. He made himself at home, climbing onto the cooler, sniffing around the tents and looking at us as if we were old friends. Honestly, I think he half expected me to pet him, hand him a bowl of food and show him where the bathroom was.

As it became clear that he was not going to leave and that soon the kids were going to discover that he was visiting, we decided to lock the kids in the car. At this point the 4 girls and 1 boy began screaming for “Daddy”. Now, I was offended by this. Although Beth and I may not be the “outdoors” types we completely had the situation under control. The raccoon wasn’t angry, threatening or destroying anything in the camp. The kids were safe. The campfire was burning brightly and Beth and I had armed ourselves with the only weapons we had – the large forks that we used to grill hot dogs. Things were FINE.

The raccoon still wouldn’t leave. We tried throwing rocks at it but it just seemed to think it was food. When we tried to chase it, it just sat there looking at us in anticipation that we might pet it. Eventually, I began to wave my arms like a large Pterodactyl wearing a red sweater and screaming, “I’M A LARGE SCARY CREATURE! RUN AWAY!” It might not have been sophisticated but it got the job done. The raccoon, recognizing that I obviously was a rabid human, fled the campsite.

When the men did return, the kids starting screaming “DADDY’S HOME! DADDY’S HOME!” as if salvation had arrived right there in Oklahoma. Apparently my children have no confidence in their mother’s ability to manage small woodland creatures.

Everybody provided me with some great camping suggestions and links (and a special shout to Taryn who sent me her own personal to do list). I settled on two great camping suggestions.

1.) Pancakes
I now no longer know where I found this recipe but it was super easy to make and all you have to do is add equal parts water and 1 Tbsp oil. Mix and make. I’ll tell you how they come out, but I’m thinking of keeping this mix on hand at the house.

1 1/2 cups White flour
1 1/2 cups Whole Wheat flour
2 Tbs + 2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup buttermilk powder

2.) Pocket Pizza
I believe I found this on a Boy Scout website but again, I can’t retrace my steps. I loved this idea but unfortunately I won’t be able to tell you how it tastes because David said that this “isn’t camp food” and so we’ll be making hot dogs. (sigh). I may try this at home with the kids later.

Pita bread sliced in half
Pizza sauce
Mozzarella cheese
toppings of choice

Take each pita pocket and line with pizza sauce, cheese and favorite toppings. Wrap tightly in foil and toss onto grill or fire. Heat for 10 minutes. Open up and you have homemade pizza pockets. Sounds yummy to me.

David and I were up until midnight last night making final preparations for the trip. The kids are excited and we’ve packed every piece of warm clothing we have. We’ll be heading north into Oklahoma, in case search and rescue is necessary (I’m joking Mom). We’ve packed everything from blankets to a TV (oh yeah, there is electricity at the camp). Oh, and a space heater. Not exactly roughing it but hey, I’m just a princess from Michigan. I’m doing the best I can here.

David has convinced me to go camping this weekend with the kids. I will admit that I’ve only been camping twice before and both times was when I was single and in love – which makes us all do crazy things. I’m a little hesitant to pack up my stubborn 2 yr old and my “scared of everything” 4 yr old and head off to the woods. However, I am now married and in love and that also makes you do crazy things. It is going to be cool (not cold, because as an ex-northerner I have a hard time calling anything over 30 degrees cold), and the restroom facilities will be “rustic”. Sigh.

This is where YOU come in. I’m looking for your best camping recipes, ideas, suggestions. I’m desperate. David wants to make “hash” but I don’t think Lucy, who won’t even eat peanut butter, is really going to go for that. I don’t want to eat hot dogs every day and so that leaves me open to suggestions. Leave your ideas or links to ideas in the comment box. On Friday I will highlight all my favorite suggestions — or not if nobody responds.

My intellectual interests trend towards the history of religion. It is not interesting to anybody but me. I get this, really. I rarely talk about what I studied or even what I teach. Conversations with me about my academic studies usually go like this:

Person A: What is your masters degree in?
Me: Medieval literature
Person A: Wow! That’s interesting. What was your masters thesis on?
Me: Images of female authority through the manipulation of the chivalric code
Person A: Huh. Yeah. So, isn’t this a great party?

However, I can’t help but get excited when I find that one person who actually wants to know more. Really? You really want to know about the fall of the Roman Empire and the rise of the church? You’re interested in the corruption of the Catholic church and the revolution caused by the Protestant Reformation? Wow. This is why it’s a good thing I teach. These kids are required to sit and listen to me talk about this stuff. They don’t have a choice.

I’m telling you all this to introduce this video which I thought was interesting. Feel free to ignore it or to give me a polite nod and wonder when I’m going to return to something more interesting.

Every Thanksgiving my mother enthusiastically suggests that we make ham this year instead of turkey. At which I respond, “but I don’t like ham, I never have”. My mother lets out an exasperated sigh and says, “okay, I’ll make a small turkey too”. As a family grows there are always more considerations to be made. During the holiday time these types of accommodations can reach a fever pitch. I find myself having conversations like this:

Me: Let’s make a turkey AND a ham
Mother: Okay, but don’t forget that Sharon is a vegetarian so we need to make extra side dishes
Me: Won’t we have the normal ones?
Mother: Yes, but I also think she is some sort of strange vegan where she doesn’t eat dairy either so I think the mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes don’t count.
Me: Ugh, fine, we’ll make an extra batch of green beans AND a side salad
Mother: Do you know if Bob is coming this year? because I don’t think he and Tammy are talking since last Easter when he said something about her sister.
Me: Well, they can build a bridge and get over it or not come
Mother: You can’t be like that – we’ll just seat them separately
Me: Don’t forget to move the beer bottles into the basement since Amy is now “on-the-wagon” and we don’t want to tempt her
Mother: Does this mean that Dad’s egg nog is out of the question?
Me: I have no idea – does that count as drinking? How much rum is in it?
Mother: Oy, okay and should we buy a small TV so Alan and Steve can watch the game during dinner or do you think they should just sit in the living room?
Me: I think they should be glad they are getting dinner since they never talk to anybody anyways.

Families are filled with freaks. Each family is like your own personal circus filled with every oddity from the car full of clowns to the Fat Lady, from the Ring Leader to the Lion Tamer. Individually they are all nice people with whom we share a common history but during the holidays they amass, prop up the tent and open all three rings.

And yet we yearn for the freak show. This group of crazies provides us with comfort, security and the knowledge that we do not stand alone in our OWN freakness. We are not spectators at this circus – no, we are a part of it. We love the freak show, we love the freaks, they are us and we are them.

A “tip-of-the-hat” to Scribbit for the post idea as I toss my post into the “ring” for this month’s “Write-Away Contest”.

You open your eyes and you realize in one flash of recollection that its over. We have a new president. And then, like a bad night of drinking, the memory of all the bold, angry, and extreme remarks you made to friends and family rise up in your throat like last night’s chicken wings. The shame, the embarrassment. If your candidate won you feel awkwardly proud. If your candidate lost you feel angry and disappointed. Now what?

1.) If you haven’t already told people who you voted for now is not the time to begin. Keep your silent, PRIVATE vote private. When speaking with family and friends keep your political ideology a mystery — it will make you seem more interesting. If everybody already knows then this is the time to be gracious. If your candidate won say something like “well, I’m excited and I hope over time he wins your respect”. If your candidate lost you might say something like “Yeah, I’m super bummed, but who knows? This guy may turn out okay and we’ve only got two years until we elect new Congress members and only four with this guy”.

2.) Try to politely forget all the stupid things you said. Are you one of those people that threaten to move to Canada if your candidate didn’t win? Well, first let this be a lesson to you to not make ridiculous claims. Second, try to pretend that you never said that. “Move to Canada? No, I never said move. Visit maybe, but never move”.

3.) If you didn’t like either candidate then this is a good time to jump on the band wagon of the winning side. You might say something like, “I always liked that guy. Knew he would win.” And when people start saying positive things simply agree with simple statements like “Ah, yes I think I read that in the New York Times” or even better “Yes, I read a similar opinion in the London Times”. Mentioning a foreign newspaper is always a good idea because the chance the person you are talking to has read it is slim.

4.) This is the best time to become an armchair political pundit. Saying things like, “I heard on NPR that Obama is beginning to look at cabinet posts. Who do you think he’ll choose?” Mentioning NPR makes you seem cultured and asking a question prevents you from actually having an opinion. You could make the over-the-top educated opinion like, “We really need to evaluate our financial regulations and how they impact long term investment portfolios of the middle class. And you?” This way your friend has no idea what you are saying which will prevent them from pressing you for further details.

I hope this helps you as you begin to navigate the uncomfortable conversations and emails that you will be receiving between now and the inauguration. And God Bless The United States of America.

As I slowly come down from my sugar high that was inflicted upon me by Halloween I’d like to share some of the highlights of the holiday.

Max Really Is As Stubborn As He Appears
When Lucy was three she decided last minute to change her costume plans from fairy princess to a cheerleader. Thankfully, I anticipated the fickle needs of a 3 yr old girl and had said costume on hand. As a result I planned for the same last minute decision making on Max’s part. I had 3 DIFFERENT COSTUMES laid out for the little lad. From the store bought Yoda costume that he insisted we get to the home-spun construction workers outfit that mommy put together. Plus, my sister sent a beautiful Pottery Barn hot dog costume in case either one of those options didn’t work out.

As the witching hour approached we started with the Yoda costume which was quickly tossed aside by Max with a most emphatic “NO!” We then moved quickly on to the construction worker outfit. Now Lucy really liked this idea so she was giving it the big sell, “Oooh Max, I love it! It is sooooo cute!!” Max bought it for about thirty minutes, at which point he tossed off the hat and chucked the tool belt with a whiny “it scatchy”. He wouldn’t consider the hotdog costume and so out of exasperation I gave up. Fine. He doesn’t really HAVE TO wear a costume, but his father would not hear of it. David saunters into the bedroom as if he was the sherriff pulling into costume town. “Max, you gotta put a costume on or there will be no candy.” After some hushed conversation and sounds of giggling Max emerged, wearing THE EXACT SAME COSTUME HE WORE LAST YEAR!

A Philosophical Question
David’s office holds a Halloween costume contest every year and so David always has some killer costume that he wants to wear Halloween night. (This year, Uncle Fester from the Addams Family) I like to wear a costume to class (nothing like sauntering into a classroom of young adults dressed funny in order to inspire respect and attention). So who stays at home with the candy and who goes with the kids? This year we both went with the kids and delayed candy giving by an hour. The result? Lots of extra candy. Is there any easy answer to this problem? Stay? Go? There is guilt either way. Guilt that you aren’t participating in the neighborhood and handing out candy and guilt that you aren’t making fabulous family memories with your kids. Oy!

Saint Lucy
Lucy was the leader of the pack this Halloween. Lucy discussed trick or treating with Max like a seasoned veteran. She explained that you need to say “trick or treat” and then say “thank you” and that sometimes it’s hard to remember. That he is not to be scared and that she will hold his hand. Lucy wanted to be Cinderella from the very beginning and after we put her costume on kept asking everybody, “Aren’t I a BEAUUUTIFUL princess?” If you said “no” she collapsed into tears. I know this because Max kept saying “no” and she kept crying. After we finished our street block I asked the kids if they wanted to go to another street. GASP! We’ve never ventured before our own block before. Lucy, quickly said “no, I would like to go home and share my candy with my daddy because he LOVES candy”. We are now several days past Halloween and every new person we see she says to me, “I’m going to save some candy for them for when they come to my house”. Too bad Mommy and Daddy are eating the candy so quickly that we are in a constant chocolate haze.

Final Moments
The evening came to a sweet close as David and Lucy made their way to the tent we had put up in our backyard. David slept all night with Lucy in the tent. I slept all night in the king-size bed, by myself. It was delicious.