Category Archives: Kids

Kids

Lucy’s Greatest Hits

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Lucy: You’re the tooth fairy aren’t you Mommy?

Me: What makes you think that?

Lucy: Well, Tinker Bell is a fairy and she isn’t real. So, fairies aren’t real. So, the tooth fairy isn’t real

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Lucy: I’m glad we live where we live

Me: why?

Lucy: because nobody is poor here. Daddy works and makes money and I’m glad we’re not poor

Me: Yes, we’re very lucky

Lucy: yeah, that is why I don’t want to grow up

Me: why?

Lucy: Well, it doesn’t look like fun. I don’t want to go to school and teach people stuff all day

Me: Well, you don’t have to be a teacher like mommy – you can be anything

Lucy: I don’t want to be anything. I don’t want to work

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Lucy: What is a miracle?

Me: a miracle is something only God can do

Lucy: How did Jesus get into heaven with God?

Me: Well, that is one of those things that we just don’t know

Lucy: How could God bring Jesus to heaven if he doesn’t have any hands?

Me: I don’t know

Lucy: I KNOW!! God sent a bunch of little mice with wings and they carried Jesus up to heaven.

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Lucy praying: “Dear God, thank you for all of our things. That you for this food that Mommy has made. And please let us have our baby and don’t make it die. Amen”

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Lucy: Do you know the opposite of bacon Daddy?

David: No, what is it?

Lucy: pig

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“Do people become bad because they can’t find their shoes?”

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“When I grow up I want to be like God”

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“Daddy isn’t fat the food is”

Family Life, Kids

Max & Harper: A Love Story

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He looked at her with wonder but also with a deep desire to keep her close. He instantly put her soft small hand in his.  That was all it took. He knew he would forever be bonded to her. Every morning he greets her with smiles, giggles and a warm embrace. During the day he is continually checking on her happiness, comfort and needs. She is never to want for anything. He hovers over her like a guardian angel. He is never far. Every action is taken with one eye on her. Each of her successes and disappointments recounted in detail and with care. Their hearts and histories intertwined.

Family Life, Kids

Retail Marketing For 1st Graders

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Lucy & Max have nagged at me for weeks to set up a lemonade stand.  Finally with some coordination with our nanny Micki we got one set up.  When I picked Lucy up from school that afternoon and told her that the lemonade stand was waiting to be opened she squealed with delight and took off running.

Now, at 3:00 in the afternoon it is about 95 degrees outside.  When we arrived home Max was sitting at the booth in front of the house with sweat pouring down his head.  He had already decided the lemonade stand was “no fun” and that he was hot and wanted to go inside.

Lucy on the other hand was invigorated with potential.  She envisioned neighborhood kids lining up down the street waiting to partake in the refreshing delight of her lemonade.  Lucy pulled up her little red lawn chair and sat down eagerly with a smile spread wide across her face.

I sort of counted on the idea that the heat would suck the fun out of running a lemonade stand and they would quickly give up.  However, Lucy was not so easily discouraged.  Soon enough a young girl on a bicycle came skirting down the street as she made her way home from school.  Lucy straightened and awaited her stop at the counter.  The girl didn’t stop but without notice glided by Lucy with no recognition that she even existed.  Lucy dropped her shoulders in disappointment but not too far behind came a father with two little girls walking home from school.  Once again Lucy pulled herself up tall and smiled cheerfully fully expecting a lemonade purchase, but once again was summarily ignored.  This scene repeated itself two more times before the pain of disappointment washed over Lucy like the runner-up at a beauty pageant.  Tears exploded out of her eyes as she exclaimed “WHY DOESN’T ANYBODY BUY LEMONADE?”  When I tried to tell her that maybe they didn’t feel like drinking lemonade she grew hostile and screamed out “EVERYBODY LIKES LEMONADE!! HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE LEMONADE ON A HOT DAY?” Now, I must admit that her logic there was infallible.  I tried a different tactic and said to her that perhaps these people didn’t have any money.  This was the final straw.  She flung herself to the ground, big swollen tears pouring down her face and she burst forth with “WE SET ALL THIS UP AND WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE AND NOT A SINGLE CUSTOMER!! I WANTED AT LEAST 15 CUSTOMERS.  WHERE ARE THE CUSTOMERS? WE WENT THROUGH SO MUCH TROUBLE!!”

There I stood with sweat pouring down my back and my little girl in tears, absolutely tortured by disappointment.  I sat Lucy down and knowing that my daughter has the logical thinking of a 50 year old explained to her the idea of demographics and market analysis.  As simply as I could I said to Lucy, “you have to realize sweetheart that you can only sell something if there are people around to buy.  We counted on the walking home from school crowd to buy our lemonade, but that market ended up being weak and not as robust as we had hoped.  Now we must consider a secondary market.  May I suggest the coming home from work crowd?  We’ll take the stand down for now and set it back up when people are driving home from work and walking their dogs.”

Lucy instantly understood the logic and promise of this solution.  She perked right up, agreed that this seemed like a sound marketing strategy and quickly delegated (like all good leaders).  “Mommy, you put the supplies on the porch.  We’ll bring the lemonade inside and when we come back out tonight, I think we should bring cookies. “

Family Life, Kids, Marriage

Boys Will Be Boys

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Nana camp is an invitation only event.  My mother-in-law takes all of her grandchildren for a week of crafts, activities and general grandparent indulgence.  This year while Max and Lucy traveled to Nana camp Harper and I took our first plane ride up to Michigan to visit my parents.  My parents have yet to see Harper and so we took this opportunity to introduce them to their seventh grandchild. This left David home by himself. FOR A WHOLE WEEK.

During his unexpected bachelor time he decided to do some home improvement projects.  While I was envisioning the hanging of shelves or the painting of walls, he envisioned maybe hanging a picture and going fishing.  Now, he did hang the pictures in the kitchen and I am incredibly grateful for that.   However, this is what I found sitting on my kitchen counter when I returned:

This is a phenomenon.  Most women I talk to speak of the same occurrence in their household.  A home improvement is FINALLY completed only to be left with a table/counter full of tools.  I’ve actually waited to see how long it would take David to put the tools away and the longest I’ve been able to hold out was four months. His argument? He is planning on still using those tools to do another project. Where? When? What? Nobody knows, but someday he will need those tools again and it would be so much more convenient to use them if they just sat on the kitchen counter until then.

Even though Max was the only boy at Nana camp with a plethora of female cousins he managed to have a great time swimming, fishing and playing in the air conditioning (he wasn’t so keen on playing outside and being hot).  He also left me a little surprise on the kitchen counter:

Max gleefully explained to me that he made a “brown snowman”.  So very thoughtful of him to bring me back such a sweet homemade gift from camp.

Ahhh boys, you gotta love ’em.

Kids

Lucy Talks Boys & Marriage

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While driving home from church Lucy and I talk marriage:

Lucy: Mommy, will I ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever find a boy to marry me?

Me: Of course you will.

Lucy: But there are so, so, so many boys that are ALREADY married

Me: Well, God has somebody special picked out for you to marry

Lucy: What is his name?

Me: Well, Lucy I don’t know his name

Lucy: When will I meet him?

Me: I have no idea. God will introduce you when it is time.

Lucy: Mommy, let’s promise to not tell anybody that I asked that.

Me: I promise.

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A week later on the way home from school Lucy and I talk about the allure of the “bad boy”

Lucy: Matthew was very bad in school today

Me: Really?

Lucy: Yeah, he got a note sent home to his mommy

Me: What did he do?

Lucy: He is soooo mean.  I say nice things to him alllll the time and he never says nice things and today while we were standing in line he tried to bite Karen and then he lied about how many stars he got and then he didn’t stop talking

Me: Wow, sounds like he doesn’t have very good behavior

Lucy: No, but he does have a nice haircut.

Kids

Hot Dogs Kill

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As a rule I’m a “live and let live” kind of person. I don’t feel compelled to preach my way of living or expect others to follow suit or to even think that my way is the best way. Since having children this is an especially difficult road to travel since EVERYBODY has an opinion regarding how you should or should not be raising your child. I’ve done a rather good job navigating these waters and have pretty much avoided most conflict.  Until now.

After herniating a disc in my back from carrying Max around as an infant I swore I wouldn’t make that same mistake with Harper. I started researching baby slings and carriers. I wanted a sling that fit me well and that I felt comfortable using. I’m a rather “endowed” woman and so finding a proper fitting sling became a challenge for me.  I went to an actual sling store and spoke with experts who fitted me.  I settled on a Hot Sling – which I LOVE. (Dear Hot Sling, feel free to send me some more since I only own one). My only regret is that I didn’t use a sling with my other children.  Harper loves being so close to me and I love feeling her snug against me.  I can grocery shop with the other two kids in the cart and still have room for food. I can walk to the park,  wash dishes, play board games, etc.  It is one of my favorite baby items at the moment.

And then the article came out. SLINGS KILL BABIES! Suddenly strangers are stopping me in the grocery store warning me that I’m killing my child. My friends, family, doctors are suddenly concerned with the safety of my child.  I read the warning and I consulted the Hot Sling website and I’m still comfortable using my sling. You know why? Because only 14 children have died over 20 years. That is less than one death a year.  1.6 children a year die from eating hot dogs.  That means that hot dogs are more dangerous than baby slings. I don’t see anybody accosting people in the cold cuts aisle because they are feeding their child hot dogs. I recognize the problems that some women have had with slings and I am very careful that Harper is facing up, that she is not curled up on herself and I check her often.  I do this because I am a responsible parent who cares for her child. 14 deaths in 20 years is more of a comment on the idiots who are parents than the poorly designed product.

If you see me in the store and Harper is snug in her sling don’t even THINK about telling me about the death trap I have created or I will punch you in the throat.

Kids

Lucy Discovers The Secret Of Life

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Recently, as Lucy and I meandered our way through the car pool lane, she declared “boys are weird”.  Curious as to why she had come to this most obvious conclusion I said “why do you say that?” Lucy’s response, “because they do weird stuff like put their tongues on ice cubes and flag poles to see if they stick. Girls wear perfume and smell good.”  At six years old she very clearly identified the root of every single female conversation; “boys are weird”.

Max recently turned four years old and during these four years we have already had to make three visits to the hospital. He has also almost electrocuted himself, and painted his entire head including in his ears and up his nose.  Max’s latest visit to the hospital was to get his tonsils out.  As he roused himself  like a Rastafarian emerging from the heavy haze of smoke he turned and said to me, “I like getting my tonsils out.” Ignoring this as the nonsense talk of somebody with a good buzz I tell him that it is time to go home.  And proving once again that parents have no idea what they are talking about he starts crying and declares “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay in the hopital”

Yes Lucy, boys are weird.

Max-hospital

Family Life, Kids

A Rose By Any Other Name

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I was 16 when my English teacher assigned us “To Kill a Mockingbird”.  I tentatively opened the pages and fell into that book. Dill and Scout and Boo Radley were like neighbors.  The soft tones of the words and the narrative pace that lulled me into a hot, sweet, southern world where black people were compared to Mockingbirds and scary neighbors were friends left an indelible mark on my soul.  To this day I love both the book and the film.

When David and I discovered we were going to have a girl I quickly volunteered Scout as a possible name.  David quickly shot it down. It was too masculine, too odd, it was a name somebody gives a dog.  But I loved it and wouldn’t let go of the idea of paying homage to one of my favorite books.

I then suggested Jane.  Jane Erye is another one of my favorite books and Jane Austen a favorite author – it seemed right.  This time David agreed. He liked the name and with it also being his grandmother’s name felt that we should somehow give that to our new girl. However, pairing something with Jane proved to be far more difficult than we thought.

We went through countless variations.  We tried Jane both as a first name and as a middle name.  As the delivery date grew closer and closer we began to worry that we would have the first nameless baby born into this family.  And then we settled on something – a name that we felt was both unique without being weird. A name that gives a nod to my literary interests and has meaning. A name that she could grow into over the years.

Please welcome  Harper Jane Morley

Hi! I was just born