When Lucy was about 2 years old David took her to see “Cars” in the movie theater. The lights got dark, and the THX surround sound intro roared onto the screen and Lucy fell apart. She ran screaming out of the theater and has never returned. Since that fateful day she has not stopped talking about it or being scared of it. That was over 2 years ago. She proudly relays to any person willing to stop and listen that she’s scared of the THX, that it has a robot, that it makes a loud mooing (or roaring sound) and that she makes us fast-forward past it when we watch a movie at home. To this day she will run into another room while a movie starts and has become an expert at spotting the THX logo on DVD cases. She also has a running catalog of all movies that have a THX intro and those who do not.

Well, recently Lucy has faced her THX demon and has conquered it. She proudly boasts that she thinks it is “funny” and that she never was really scared of it to begin with. However, nothing prepared me for dinner tonight:

Me: Okay, let’s say a prayer
Lucy: I want to say it
Me: Okay go ahead
Lucy: Thank you God for Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you for Max. Thank you for Daddy. Thank you for all the good things. And oh, thank you for the THX. Amen.

Amen Lucy.

I’m a little worried about Lucy’s business sense.

Me: Okay Lucy you need to eat 2 more bites of rice before dessert
Lucy: 2 or 3 bites of rice?
Me: 3 bites of rice?
Lucy: Do I eat that after 2 bites?
Me: Yes
Lucy: Can’t I just eat 3 bites of rice?
Me: Sure
Lucy: Mommy, your hair sure is pretty.

Oprah did a show this week about a woman who was a hoarder. I was amazed by this woman. She had filled her 3,000+ sq. foot house to the ceiling with stuff. She had everything from wrapping paper to TV’s. I could not stop thinking about this woman’s need to fill an emptiness and her desire to do it with “stuff”. The “expert” on this show said something that really struck me. He said “respect the space you have”. His idea was that we all only have so much space and we shouldn’t buy, or keep more stuff than what comfortably fits into our space.

David and I have two small kids and we live in a 2,000 sq ft house. Our house isn’t huge, and it has TERRIBLE closet space. (I actually have a linen closet that is shaped like a triangle – no, I’m not making that up). However, it should be plenty of room for a family four.

So, Oprah’s show aired on Wed and on Thursday I got a notice that our subdivision was having a garage sale. I kicked into action commando-style and I was merciless. I wanted to get rid of anything that didn’t “honor my space”. I got rid of wedding presents we received, I got rid of vases that once held flowers David had bought for me, furniture, tools, linens, VIDEO GAMES (Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I did that).

I’m sitting here on my couch exhausted and basking in the glory that my house has been cleansed and in return I have $320 that I didn’t have this morning. Man, I love that as a stay at home mom I have generated actual cash — and it didn’t involve me exposing my body.

As some of you may remember, I herniated a disc in my back last summer. No, it wasn’t caused by an accident, but my crying son who refused to let anybody else carry him. Having experienced a pain that actually exceeds that of child-birth I have been actively trying to avoid going through it again. Unlike the pain of child-birth which women seem to gleefully pursue again and again defying all logic. Avoiding back pain means two things; 1. don’t lift anything heavy and 2. exercise your abdominals.

I was born with no abdominal muscles. As a matter of fact I come from a long line of women lacking abdominal muscles. My family tree hasn’t included six-pack abs since before the birth of Jesus. The thought of somehow magically creating abdominal muscles by doing hundreds of crunches a day is unrealistic – especially when you consider that there are Survivor episodes to watch, chocolate Easter bunnies to eat and a new American Idol in the process of being selected. C’mon people, I’m only human!!

My friend Laura, recognizing my plight recommended a series of exercise DVD’s called 10-Minute workouts. Yesterday I received my Pilates and Fitness Ball 10-minute DVD’s in the mail. I was giddy with excitement. The hope of having muscle definition in 10-simple minutes seemed like a dream come true. I dreamed of swimsuit season as the DVD player whirred into action.

10 minutes later I was slumped over my fitness ball begging for mercy from the perky and energetic instructor on the tv who exclaimed “You Did Great! Let’s do the next circuit!” How is that possible? I don’t think I could even move my toe and she’s smiling and perky like she just had her toes painted. Did you know there is an actual muscle that is near your belly-button? Well there is and mine hurts like hell.

Don’t be fooled though – I have not given up. I will not be beaten by Perky Patty and her large beach ball!!

You may have noticed that I’ve added “Twitter” updates to my blog. The concept of “Twitter” is that at any moment I can share my thoughts and observations with you. I know what you are thinking — how did we EVER survive without such technology? I got the idea for Twitter updates from Mighty Girl. However, I could never figure out a way to make it work for me prior to my iPhone. Oh, the beauty of the iPhone. Now, wherever I am or whatever I’m thinking I can instantly share with you. No longer will I have to rush home and then realize that whatever brilliant idea I had 3 hours ago while pumping gas now eludes me. Oh the magnificence of knowing my thoughts on everything from lawn ornaments to why Diane Rheme’s voice sounds like that on NPR? (Seriously, is she a man?)I know you are all breathless with anticipation.

I guess I’m happy that he’s having a healthy snack. I just wish I didn’t end up with tiny bites of apple skin all over my carpet.

It’s that time of year again when as Christians we ignore the truly religious traditions of Easter, specifically Passover, and instead embrace the pagan rituals of Spring. We ignore the rites of Christ’s last supper and instead gleefully pursue the pagan traditions of egg-hunting and large rabbits. But hey, who am I to be the party-pooper?

I found myself in the difficult position of having to explain the Easter bunny to Lucy this year. I didn’t realize how ill-prepared I was for the inquisition-like questioning I received. “Does he come INTO the house? How does he get in? How does he carry the toys and eggs? Does he REALLY hop?” It suddenly occurred to me that the Easter bunny is a very strange thing. We’re telling children that a giant rabbit exists and that while you are asleep, when you are your most vulnerable he is going to come hopping into your house and leave you toys and eggs. But why? Why would he do this? Wouldn’t he leave a mess? Honestly, I don’t know how my parents managed to keep the myth alive for so long.

This was Max’s first year to dye eggs and really the only thing that mattered to him was pouring all the dye into one cup which made all the eggs a lovely brown color. Lucy liked the idea of different colored eggs but not the idea of using a spoon or the ridiculous tiny wire holder thingy that every dye-kit known to man comes with. As a result, she used her hands. I instantly realized why young girls used to wear white gloves to Easter church service — it was to cover up the purpled-dyed hands underneath.

In a couple of weeks we will be celebrating Passover. Unfortunately Easter is a tough act to follow, especially if you are a holiday that is completely based on a really long, ritualistic dinner that includes a variety of strange foods that no 4 year old would ever eat and absolutely no chocolate eggs. Oh well, I guess that answers the question why the Christians kept the pagan rituals and not the Jewish ones.

David has never been what you might call a “traditional romantic”. He does romantic things, it is just that they wouldn’t seem romantic to anybody else outside of our own little world. David has been working a lot of hours lately and so in order to show me his love and appreciation for me “holding down the fort” he bought me an iPhone this weekend. The gift-giving went something like this:

Me: You bought me an iPhone? But..
David: I know, I don’t want you to worry about the money
Me: Really? you think this is a good purchase?
David: Listen, the only thing I like talking about more than work is my iPhone and anything that can help us stay connected and share is priceless.
Me: I love you.

I have to admit – I LOVE it! I have spent the last twelve hours updating and tweeking and making it my own. I’m sure you will hear more about my new delightful companion in posts to come. In the meantime, thanks babe – you rock!