I saw this book titled, “Dirty Little Secrets From Otherwise Perfect Moms” and bought it. Boy, nothing could be closer to the truth. One of the things that I find most disturbing about being a mother is how hard mothers are on each other. Everybody seems to think that they have all the right answers and anybody else who is raising their kids different must be wrong. And yet, the truth is that we are all barely hanging on by our fingertips. The truth is that we act like we know what we’re doing because we have to – not because we really have all the answers. The truth is that we all want good, healthy, active, successful children. The truth is we aren’t perfect.

This book “outs” us. This book forces us as mothers to recognize that we all take easy shortcuts sometimes. That you know what, we aren’t perfect and neither is anybody else. Some of my favorites in this book include; “I had to use my toddler’s potty chair on the side of the road when I was stuck in traffic.” or this great one, “I signed my son up for karate because the instructor is hot” and the absolute best one, “My biggest fear as a mother is being judged by other moms”.

Here is my dirty secret for the day. I let me kids watch cartoons while I write this blog and sometimes that turns into them watching cartoons all morning. I’ve shared mine, what’s yours?

Lucy has the kind of personality that doesn’t color outside of the lines. I’m embarrassed to admit that she gets this from me. Recently she has developed this disturbing habit of asking me if I still love her whenever she breaks the rules. I have racked my brain trying to figure out where this comes from, if I’ve said something or reacted a certain way, but all I can think is that this is just part of her personality. So, lately I’ve been doing a lot of reassuring and explaining that there is nothing she could ever do to make me not love her. I just laid my precious angel down to sleep tonight and this is the conversation we had.

Me: Lucy, you know I love you? and that I’m proud of you?
Lucy: Why?
Me: Why am I proud of you?
Lucy: Hmm-mm
Me: Well, you’re a good big-sister and you’re sweet and kind, and smart and you listen and obey mommy and daddy.
Lucy: but sometimes I don’t obey you
Me: Well, yes, but you always try to
Lucy: but sometimes I don’t follow the rules
Me: Well everybody has problems following the rules sometimes. Everybody starts the day trying to obey the rules, whether it is the rules their mommy and daddy made or God’s rules. And everybody breaks the rules sometimes — even mommy and daddy.
Lucy: You break God’s rules?
Me: Sometimes. The important thing to remember is that no matter what you do mommy and daddy will always love you and God will always love you
Lucy: Does God take people away when they die?
Me: yes, he takes them to heaven with him
Lucy: What is heaven?
Me: It’s where God lives. It’s a nice place filled with love
Lucy: does it have sand?
Me: I don’t know – maybe
Lucy: I saw a picture of God at church and he didn’t have a mustache or beard like daddy and he was standing on sand. I think there is sand in heaven.
Me: Well, you’re probably right.

The zoo is always a surreal experience, especially with children. Our world is filled with animals that are truly bizarre looking. What is a Taper? Seriously, do you ever see animal specials on TV about the Taper? I think not. As I was trying to explain to Lucy what a Taper is an elderly woman confidently walked up to me and said “actually, it is a member of the horse family.” Really? The horse family? Because it looks like it should be related to a pig. And what about all those random gazelle/antelope animals? There are thousands of variations of a deer with antlers. It’s as if God ran out of ideas for animals and just went with a variation on a theme. A deer with straight antlers, a deer with curly antlers, a deer with big antlers, a deer with striped antlers, a small deer with big antlers, a big deer with small antlers. I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense to me.

The most exciting part of our trip was the pony rides. I honestly didn’t think Max would go for it, but he surprised us all when he strutted up to the attendant, handed him his token and climbed aboard the pony as if he was ready to ride off into the sunset or hold-up a saloon. Lucy was a bit more hesitant, but once aboard she thought it was pretty cool, although not nearly as cool as the fish tank. If I knew what an impact “Finding Nemo” was going to have on her I would have never let her watch it. Lucy is in a constant state of obsession over fish, sharks and anything aquatic. Wow, the power of Disney. We wrapped up the day with a special visit to the stingray tank where Lucy got to actually TOUCH a stingray. After about ten minutes of this though Lucy announced that she was tired and that it was time to go home, and she was right.

The family traveled to Nacogdoches, TX this weekend. (That’s pronounced, NAC-UH-DOE-CHEZ). Nacogdoches is home to Stephen F. Austin University, and is the oldest town in Texas. Most importantly though it is where Nana and Papa live. David grew up in this sweet and historic town and I love going there on the weekends. It is filled with antique shops, big trucks and old-style southern hospitality. David and I both miss living in a small town. The comfort of knowing people wherever you go, the luxury of being able to arrive anywhere in 5 minutes or less and the wonderful juxtaposition of simple folk and high art that you can only experience in a town like Nacogdoches. But mainly, we miss having grandparents close by that can babysit our kids for free on a moments notice.

This weekend we rolled into town and discovered that many of David’s high school pals were also in town for the annual Americana Music Festival. We took the kids down to the festival during the day, which proved too loud for Max’s liking and not enough flowers for Lucy. Nana and Papa volunteered for “night-duty” and David and I got to cruise adult-style with his high school pals (all of whom are girls, but we’ll save that for a different conversation). We got to hear some great blue-grass music from “The Gourds” and I made friends with a man named Matt and his box of crawfish. I’ve never eaten crawfish before and I must say that you must be a rather ardent carnivore to delight in this meal. In order to eat a crawfish you must first rip the head off and than “suck” the meat out of the tail. It is a delightful fishy, spicy, cajun combination of tasty goodness – but definitely not for the PETA sympathizer in your life.

Nothing makes you feel like an American more than eating a tiny, spicy, lobster out of a cardboard box sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of a grassy field listening to blue-grass music. Yep, I’m adding that night to my list of scenes I hope to see as I die. What a night!!

Teacher’s experience a special season. It occurs twice a year, once prior to the Christmas holiday and once in the spring. This is the Extra Credit Season. It is that magical time of year when students suddenly realize that skipping class on a regular basis and not doing homework inevitably leads to a failing a grade and in an act of desperation start begging for extra credit. The cute thing about this experience is that EACH of them thinks that they are the ONLY one asking for extra credit and as a teacher I should make an exception JUST FOR THEM.

Teaching is a strange profession. Students don’t view you as human but as a masochistic, boring person who has a strange obsession with your subject matter and a desire to fail them at all costs. The odd part of this is that nothing could be farther from the truth. Well, I actually do have a strange obsession with my subject matter. I really DO enjoy reading Paradise Lost and I DO cry every time I read Othello. I am not masochistic and I am not boring. (oh please, please tell me I’m not boring). Okay, maybe I’m just not masochistic — and I definitely don’t want to fail them.

Every semester this season starts the same for me. I’m understanding, I’m accomodating and then by the third or fourth request I’m angry, I’m resentful and by the end of the semester I’m asking myself “why do I teach?” And just when all hope seems lost to me it happens, and it usually goes something like this: “Ms. Morley, I just want you to know that I loved your class and I’ve learned so much in here that I’m going to name my first child after you”. Okay, I made up the part about the first child, but the rest of it is true. And then I start thinking, “Next semester I’m going to do better. Next semester I’ll reach more kids”. That is how Extra Credit Season comes to a close.

Max: Daddy, No shoesies
David: You’re not wearing any shoes?
Max: No!
David: All day?! You’re not going to wear shoes all day?
Max: No! No!
David: What are you, a conscientious shoe objector?
(snare & cymbal hit)

Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com, is my idol, my inspiration and the reason why I blog at all. I’ve been reading her blog for about 4 years now. I will never achieve her level of success – few will — but I really admire what she has created. This is a great article about her in the WSJ. Congratulations Heather! You deserve it!

Me: Lucy, what do you want to do when you grow up?
Lucy: bake cakes
Me: Really? What kind of cakes?
Lucy: Merry cakes
Me: Hmm, like birthday cakes or wedding cakes?
Lucy: Tall cakes
Me: I see
David: Max, did you say you want to move to Alaska and hunt wild bear?
Max: Uh-huh