I couldn’t carry a tune if it had a handle, but David’s family is filled with musical talent. I think Max might have inherited some of this. His favorite toy is the harmonica and I think he does okay for only being 2. It is my pleasure to introduce, in his musical debut, Max.

Untitled from Beth Morley on Vimeo.

David and I love going to the movies. As a matter of fact it used to be one of our favorite things to do on a Saturday. Parents warned us that once we had kids that this would be a selfish indulgence that would be hard to continue. But like most new parents we had these giddy and ridiculous ideas that we would be “different”. We read the books, we knew the importance of “making time”, of not allowing the baby to “alter your life”. Oh how cute. Needless to say I can probably count on one hand how many movies I’ve seen in the theater since Lucy was born — which was in 2004. Yep, I’m counting in years.

Instead our movie palette has turned to the dizzying array of animated films. I have become quite the expert on talking animals, nursery rhymes and those absurd, disgustingly trite stories of Blues Clues, Dora the Explorer, and Barbie. (OH MY GOSH I’M ACTUALLY SUPPORTING BARBIE!!! BARBIE – THE DEVIL OF THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!)

However, there are some beacons of true entertainment and wonderful scriptwriting in this bastion of bright-colored films. My favorite at the moment is “Flushed Away” with singing slugs, great set design, and wonderful voices provided by Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet. I actually think I like this film more than the kids and I genuinely laugh every time we watch it. With lyrics like “poor poor Roddy flushed down his own potty” how can you go wrong?

I’m reaching the end of the semester. Indeed, tomorrow is the last day of class and then final exams are next week. At this point all the enthusiasm and excitement has been slowly beaten out of me by 60 teenagers who do nothing but stare blankly at me and whine about how many pages I require them to write. (Because apparently having to write 4 WHOLE PAGES is a fate worst than death). As revenge I’m going to share with you some of my favorite typing mistakes of the semester.

Example #1:
“In Shakespheres play “Othello” the theme of jealousy is throughout.”

Okay, besides the fact that she obviously ended the sentence with a preposition – SHAKESPHERES? As in a “sphere”? Seriously, you’ve reached your first year of college and you haven’t figured out how to spell Shakespeare? Really?

Example #2:
“Iago is a cleaver character and it is his cleaver way of thinking that causes Othello’s downfall”.

I’m thinking he meant clever here. Just a guess, but I’m not terribly aware of a lot of “large knife” thinking. Perhaps it is tied to Kung Fu. Not sure.

Example #3:
” Sir Gawain presents himself as a roll model for courtly love.”

When you say “roll model” do you mean like the perfect hot cross bun? Or are you thinking of something more savory like a buttered wheat dinner roll? Just curious.

Example #4:
“It is the hostel environment that the protagonist must live in that in turn makes him hostel”

I didn’t realize that living with other young people in some sort of cheap housing can actually make a person become cheap housing. OOOHHH, HOSTILE — yeah, I get it.

Please take comfort in the fact that I don’t actually say these things to the students. Okay, sometimes I can’t resist and I do point out their inability to proof read by mocking them publicly but it doesn’t happen often.

David has been working with a client who provided us with two free tickets to the Dallas premiere of Iron Man. It was quite the “rock star” evening for us. We met some of David’s coworkers at a pub, shared some drinks and then hit the theater for the show. It was so nice to use my “tiny” purse – you know, the purse you only use for going out in the evening. The purse that cannot possibly fit diapers, wipes, sippy cups, toys, snacks or sundry baby items.

I spent ten years working in online media prior to becoming a mother. Once Lucy was born it became very evident, very quickly that David and I BOTH could not work in that industry and be parents. I tried to juggle both and felt like I was failing or more accurately drowning. I quit and I’ve never regretted the decision. However, that does not mean I don’t miss it. It was so wonderful to be around all those creative people again and to be a part of that world, even for an evening.

I think as women we do such a disservice to each other by trying to put motherhood in a tiny, defined box. I know many women are completely content at home with their kids and some feel they are better mothers for working. For me, it is a combination of both. I need time to be creative, to use my mind for other things. When I take those breaks and come back to motherhood I am more patient, more energized and have better ideas. I wish as women we could all be more honest about that. We assume that only men define themselves by their careers, but in reality women do too. We define ourselves by the multitude of roles we play. And for me that is Wife, Mother, Teacher and last night it was Rock Star.

David and I like to take the kids to the mall at night. It allows us the opportunity to look at a bunch of stuff we can’t afford and the kids get to run around and burn off energy. Not to mention it allows us to act as natural birth control to all those hormonal teenagers. They take one look at us and think “Oh, I don’t want to have kids – really.” On a recent visit we explored a new toy store. The kids found the new updated version of the View Master and David and I couldn’t resist saying yes to the purchase. We both fondly remembered traveling to distant places and the wonder and beauty of the View Master slides. Knowing that my mother never throws away anything that we might have even touched as a child I called her to see if she had our old View Master slides. Indeed she did, and being a good Grandma she overnight expressed them to our house from Michigan because the thought of her grandkids existing even one day without those slides was disastrous. Not to mention the joy of knowing that her own child actually WANTED one of their old toys back resulted in urgent and panic filled packaging.

Well, the package arrived yesterday and my mother did not disappoint. Not only did she mail me our original two View Masters, but the boxes and about 150 View Master slides. I have to admit that I think David and I enjoyed this package more than the kids. We stayed up until 11:00 last night looking at slides of the Las Vegas Strip in 1968 (The Flamingo? Circus Circus?), The Hoover Dam, The Partrdige Family, Happy Days, Shazam, The Banana Splits, The Apollo 11 project and endless numbers of space slides. They were awesome. They completely transported me back to my childhood and this morning I haven’t decided if I’m actually going to share them with the kids.

One of the things that I’ve been wanting to introduce in this blog are some of my favorite recipes. This is a fast and easy bar cookie recipe that is great for that emergency snack that you need to take to class, or want to bring to a family gathering. It is a no-bake recipe which is great for summer when you don’t want to run the oven. They are very rich and in no way healthy or good for you.

1 cup sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup creamy peanut butter
6 cups rice krispies
1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup butterscotch chips

combine sugar and corn syrup in a large stockpot on medium-high heat until it just starts to boil. Either remove from heat or turn to low and add the peanut butter. Stir until the peanut butter melts and combines with the sugar mixture. Remove completely from heat and add the Rice Krispies (editor’s note: I add the krispies in two batches since it so much and sometimes hard to stir). Lightly spray a 9×13 pan and press the Krispie mixture into pan. (editor’s note: I use a piece of wax paper and my hand to make it as flat and even as possible).

While that cools add the 1/2 cup of chocolate chips and 1/2 cup of butterscotch chips in a microwaveable bowl (editor’s note: I use a large measuring cup for this because it makes it easier to pour out once finished). Heat in microwave on high for 1 minute, stir and repeat until completely melted and blended. (editor’s note: it has never taken me more than 1.5 minutes for this to happen so be careful not to overheat and burn the chocolate. The stirring is the key here). Pour over Krispie mixture and spread evenly. Cover and refrigerate until set – about 2-4 hours. You can serve these warm but it makes the chocolate a bit messy. I find it best to cool them until the chocolate sets and then store them at room temperature.

This is always a fan favorite at my house — so enjoy!

Portia was always a mean cat. I adopted her in 1997 when she was only 8 weeks old and I was single, unattached and desperately lonely. We shared a wonderful year together – just the two of us. I was traveling a lot for work at the time and she was always a welcome companion to come home to. In 1998 I moved to Texas and that is when the first hint of problems came to the surface. She didn’t like Texas. She was angry with me that I made the decision to move us without considering her feelings on the matter. Shortly after we moved she began scratching the furniture. We tried therapy but she was cold and after she completely scratched the upholstery off the couch I de-clawed her. I don’t think we ever really healed after that breach.

I met David and she felt betrayed. She didn’t like having this interloper in our home. She didn’t understand why I felt the need to have this other person. She hissed at him, she swiped at him and she made it very clear she did not like him. David and I married and she made her disdain of the situation known by peeing NEXT to the litter box, but not IN it. David and I got another cat thinking that if she had her own companion she would be happier and not so dependent on me.

Cosmo seemed to make her happy and we had a couple of good years where we were all able to coexist in happiness and peace. Unfortunately this period of relative happiness was short-lived. Lucy was born and Portia seemed to resign herself to the idea that I was never going to be JUST hers ever again. She was angry and declared all out war. The litter box suddenly became an optional item. We bought bigger litter boxes, we changed litter, we changed locations, we bought extra litter boxes, we tried electric boxes, we cleaned it every day, but nothing seemed to work. We replaced the carpet.

Portia just turned 11 years old. The last time we were at the vet they said her teeth weren’t looking good and they expected them to start falling out. She was continuing to rage her war against us and the litter box and we’ll need to replace the carpet AGAIN. And so finally, after 11 years, Portia and I separated. I made the final and painful decision to put her to sleep, which is weirdly euphemistic for killing my pet.

I’m sad. I’m guilt-ridden. I’m relieved. Because although I loved Portia and I have wonderful memories of snuggling with her at night, she was always a one-person cat. She hated David. She hated the kids and I think as she got older she hated living with us. I’ve never felt more like an adult than I do today.