I found this on the “Interweb” and thought it was pretty funny. It is also strangely representative of how I feel about English and grammar.

I’m sure like the product of many men from his generation “Star Wars” made an indelible mark on David’s young psyche when he saw it in the theater. A mark that he has carried with him into adulthood. Since the first pregnancy test came back positive he has not stopped talking about what it will be like to watch “Star Wars” with the kids for the first time. And although he planned on waiting until the kids were in 3rd grade other influences have stepped in to make this no longer a possibility. Namely, Lucy’s cousins. See, Lucy’s cousins are older than her and they play the video game and they talk about it and now suddenly at 4 Lucy knows ALL about Star Wars without ever having seen it. She talks knowledgeably about Jawas and Luke and Leah and the Eewoks and yet she’s never seen the film.

David woke up Saturday morning and asked Lucy is she would like to watch “Star Wars” and she squealed in delight, ran around in a circle, and shot orange soda out her nose. (okay, the last part was a lie, but you get the idea). I can’t tell you if she liked it because most of the time she was busy asking questions; “Where is Dark Vader?”, “Who are those guys in black?”, “Are the Jawas bad guys?”, “Why does his land speeder fly like that?”, “Why are there two suns?”, “Why does that snake have one eye?” etc. Max would periodically point to the screen and declare “Bad Guy” or “Good Guy”.

She woke up Sunday and begged and pleaded to watch “Empire Strikes Back” and when she saw Yoda it was like finding an old friend. She was surprised to find out that Luke didn’t realize who Yoda was and innocently asked “What is an Empire”. David gently and patiently explained all the characters and made matter of fact comments like “That is a planet called Tatooine. It is a desert planet.” His explanations were so succinct, so factual and so full of confidence that it wouldn’t surprise me if Lucy thought the story was real. In truth, it probably holds the same level of validity as the story of Noah or the Princess and the Pea. At one point he leaned over and whispered into Lucy’s ear “I know a secret. Darth Vader was actually a good guy once”. And so the legacy continues.

It is supposed to be 104 here in Dallas this week and so I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve learned since living in such savage heat.

1.) Do NOT leave your chapstick in the car
2.) The metal clasp of a seatbelt can easily be used as a torture device
3.) You really can fry an egg on the sidewalk
4.) Do NOT walk barefoot outside, on cement
5.) When they say 104 that doesn’t include the “heat index” which means if the sun is shining you are going to feel like your skin is melting off of your bones.
6.) Do NOT leave anything plastic (like a small toy or play house) outside
7.) Rain can instantly evaporate as it hits the ground. Seriously – I’ve gotten stuck in a rain storm and never actually been wet.
8.) I don’t care how I look in a tank top, sandals, bathing suit or other small items of clothing – it is REALLY, REALLY hot and you are lucky I’m wearing clothes at all.
9.) Pray that your A/C doesn’t break or the electricity go out
10.) It doesn’t matter how long you run the tap water it will NEVER get cold.

I’m going to go sit on my ice block and wait for October to get here.

A while back I was lamenting about not being able to eat cookies on my diet. I mean really, what kind of healthy diet do you people expect me to follow? I’ll give up cereal and butter but you are going to have to pry my chocolate chip cookies out of my dead hand. Well, my friend Laura came to my rescue with this great recipe for brownies. When I made the brownies, ate the brownies and awoke from my chocolate stupor I wrote this lovely post thanking her. Well Laura, being the kind of girl who just can’t stop giving, responded with a recipe for cookies that used beans instead of butter. No, you did not read that wrong BEANS INSTEAD OF BUTTER! Since the brownie recipe turned out so well I threw caution to the wind and broke open a can of Northern Beans and gave it a shot. Well, here is the result:

These cookies were scrumptious and you could not taste beans at all. My kids loved them and Max has already eaten three in the time that it has taken me to write this post. All I did was drain one can of Northern Beans and beat it by itself in my mixer. I then added my sugars (I used Splenda, but regular sugar would work too), vanilla, eggs and flour mixture (just follow the recipe on the back of the chocolate chips bag). Baked them like I would regular cookies and they turned out great. Now, they are bit more cake-like than normal cookies, but other than that you can’t tell the difference — oh, except for the extra family flatulence you can probably expect later in the evening.

Okay, so I was completely planning on writing this lovely post for Friday that had all these great pictures of my kitchen transformation from humble suburbia to model home. However, due to a string of house guests, delayed contractors and 90+ degree weather (which really has nothing to do with it but I felt the need to complain about it) I won’t be posting pictures on Friday. Alas, my house still looks like a small FEMA crisis has occurred and I don’t think I will be digging myself out of it until late Sunday. In the meantime, here is a wee bit of a preview of things to come:

My best friend Kym came to visit this past Tuesday. I met Kym in college and we quickly became friends and started dating sets of roommates, because that is what best friends do. However our friendship is far deeper than that. Kym is the kind of friend who tells me when I’m wrong, stupid or being prideful. She is the friend who knows that when I’m hurting I make jokes and the better the jokes the worst the pain. She also knows not to laugh. She is frequently the first person I call when disaster strikes and the first person who I want to share my successes with. She’s also a trained therapist and to be honest, it is always good to have a friend who is professionally trained to give you advice. She’s the kind of friend who would make sure my eyebrows got waxed if I was in a coma and loves my children enough to tell them to use their manners and not pick their nose.

When we are young girls our list of friends is long and endless. It is also constantly rotating. By the time we’ve reached high school we’ve narrowed it down to 6 really good friends. College weeds out the friends from high school that don’t merit lifetime friendship and by the time you have kids you are down to 3 or less friends that still call you and will continue to talk to you even while your child screams in the background. Friendship becomes more precious and harder to come by as we get older. Most of my dear friends are spread across the country and we rarely see each other. Most of them have dwindled down to Christmas cards and a yearly phone call, some perhaps just a periodic email with some pictures.

As I can begin to see 40 in my near horizon (far closer than I’d like to admit to) I could not be more appreciative of Kym’s friendship. Perhaps that is why so many women blog – we yearn for that connection, a connection to each other that we miss from grade school. The knowledge and the feeling that we are not alone.

When we bought this house David and I had no intention of being here longer than 5 years (it has been 9) and we really didn’t expect to have two children while living in this house. As a result we have maximized every inch of space we have (including my triangular shaped linen closet – no, I’m not lying). One of the reasons why we bought this house was because of the kitchen. I love to cook and wanted a kitchen with plenty of counter space. Well, we got it, and it was cream colored Formica. Now, you don’t think of this as being an issue when you are 30 and childless but after 9 years you begin to realize how much “stuff” shows up and stains cream colored Formica. Well, we finally ripped the Formica out this summer and replaced it with granite (thank you George Bush and all you nasty republicans for that tax cut – couldn’t have done it without you). Over the next couple of days I’ll be posting pictures of our wonderful transformation (as well as the new built-in cabinets in the living room).

HOWEVER, you can’t clean granite with 409, which is what I’ve been scrubbing my Formica with these past 9 years. I also wanted to spruce up my wood, albeit cheap, cabinets. I went to my local Target and bought two things that really worked for me.

Clorax Green Works All-Purpose Cleaner
It is environmentally friendly. What this means to me is that I recognized almost all the ingredients on the label. That has to be a good sign. It is also safe on granite. It cleans pretty well and leaves a lovely smell behind – could you ask for more?

Method Wood Cleaner
I must admit I bought this because of the container (some packaging designer is doing a little happy dance right now). I should confess that I haven’t bought a lot of wood cleaners so I don’t have much to compare this to, but this did a nice job on my cabinets and smells like almonds. And as you can tell from my previous comments smell is a big deal for me.

So I guess this means that my kitchen now smells like lemons and almonds. Hmmm, not a bad smell really. Come back tomorrow when I’ll be posting the transformation pictures.

Shortly after dinner the question gets asked, “Daddy, can we play Photoshop?” That is right, at 4 yrs old David is teaching Lucy to be a junior designer. Off they march into the office. David opens up iTunes and Lucy gets to select music (she almost exclusively selects Christmas music). Then she confidently exclaims “Daddy, tonight I think we should make a party of birds — not too big but big enough”. And with that they are off. Periodically, I hear David explain what “layers” are or which “brushes” they should use. After about 45 minutes Lucy comes prancing out of the office proudly holding their most recent creation. I appropriately “ooh” and “aah” and then it gets hung on the refrigerator. It is with great joy that I present to you “Art by Lucy”.