These first two weeks of school have been very challenging for me. I don’t normally like to blog about a semester, students, or classes until after the completion of the semester. My feeling has always been that this will insure that I don’t get fired. However, this particular semester has already been quite stressful. Here are the highlights:

• After being told that a full-time faculty member couldn’t handle their current course load I agreed to take over one of their classes — AFTER IT HAD STARTED. I only work part-time and technically I’m only allowed to teach 3 courses a semester. I am now teaching 4 and one of them is filled with angry students because after 10 days they were given a new teacher.
• I just finished grading an essay where half-way through the essay the student elapsed into using “texting lingo” instead of actual words. I feel like weeping.
• I also just graded an essay that — well, was bad. I don’t want to say more than that but just so you know my eyeballs are bleeding, and my Shakespeare bobble-head has hung his head in shame.
• Also, the new textbook I have my students using is 600 pages, costs $80 and pages are falling out of the binding. Oh, and the bookstore didn’t order enough so I have students with no books.

When you add this to the fact that I still don’t have a functioning computer, my brand new sink has been leaking water since July without me knowing (and I now have mold growing in places that I don’t even want to think about) and the presidential election has already caused me to rethink my friends, family and political affiliations — I, oh heck, I don’t even know what. I’m tired. I’m going to go rub something soft.

**UPDATE** I just found out that the textbook I’m using for my online courses is different than the book my students were given.

Well, we’re several weeks into our Star Wars adventures. The observations and discussions regarding all things Star Wars has been mind-blowing. I never anticipated I would hear the things I’m hearing being uttered by my 4 yr old daughter.

Lucy: Daddy why is Darth Vader choking that man?
David: Oh, because he’s angry
Lucy: I think it is because the plans for the Death Star weren’t found in the main computer

And then tonight as David was putting Lucy to bed I overheard this little tidbit

Lucy: Is that George Lucas?
Me (from other room): Did she just point out George Lucas in a book?
David: Oh yeah, she knows George Lucas
Lucy: George Lucas made all the Star Wars movies
David: Would you like to watch “the making of Star Wars” with Daddy tonight?
Lucy (using sarcasm for the first time): Are you joking? Yeah!

My 4 year old daughter has mastered a knowledge of Star Wars that only some 10 year old boys have obtained. She can identify almost every character, can quote lines and knows how everybody is related (including that Queen Amidalla is Princess Leia’s mommy). I figure if I teach her how to play pool, cook a good pot of spaghetti, and sew on a button she will be a deadly combination that no male on the face of this Earth could resist.

I don’t know who I’m voting for. I am one of those great undecided voters that politicians salivate over. I liked Bush as governor of Texas and overall I think he did okay as president. Great? Mmm, not exactly, but I’m not totally dissatisfied either. I respected Bush because he never really seemed to care what other people thought. He didn’t run his office by the polls and that is why I voted for him. I’m not an expert at government or international affairs or the economy that is why I have a president. I don’t want him to take my opinion I want him to listen to his advisors, his experts and make his own opinion. Bush did that – whether I liked it or not he did that — I can respect that.

I’ve never cared for Obama. Don’t get me wrong he seems like a swell guy and if he had at least completed one term as a senator before running I think I would have more faith in his abilities. However, he strikes me as an idealist who will be crushed by the sheer enormity of the Washington political machine. I think like Clinton he will tell me everything I WANT to hear but never really level with me. He’s a wonderful speaker, a great orator, but I don’t have a lot of faith in his abilities. It’s great to talk about making huge sweeping changes but in reality none of it will happen. I am the only one who remembers Bill Clinton holding up the “national health care” card during his state of the union address promising us that we will all have them by the end of the year. Yeah, I haven’t gotten mine either. I’m not saying he didn’t try but Bill and Hillary are far more politically connected and astute than Obama and they couldn’t get it done. I don’t have a lot of hope for Obama’s promises. And without his big ideas there just isn’t much there. Come back in 8 years and I’ll think about it.

I like state governors. I think being a state governor is the best experience a politican can have before running for president. If we think of the US presidency like any other job you would want somebody who has taken on increasingly greater government responsibilities and state governors have done that. I think that is what made Bill Clinton well qualified, I think it is what made Ronald Reagan well qualified, and I think it is what made Bush well qualified. As a result Sarah Palin has more credibility with me. I like her — really, I do. Perhaps I like her because she’s a mom and I can relate to that. Perhaps I like her because she’s saucy, rebellious and from Alaska. I like her because she’s shown a pattern of taking on increasingly large amounts of responsibility and I can respect that.

However, I’m not sold on McCain. Again, seems like a great guy. He really does seem smart, and pretty moral. I think he does do what he thinks is best. However, politics calls for diplomacy and making friends with those we hate and I’m not sure he’s capable of that. I come from a long line of hot-heads and I know what that means. That means being a bull in a china shop socially and right now I’m not sure we can afford that as a country. I love what he’s done with campaign reform, and trying to tame the special interests in Washington. I cannot even imagine the experiences he’s had in Vietnam and I do think military experience lends credibility to any candidate but I just don’t view him as an inspiring leader.

So here I stand. Undecided. I have a dreaded disdain for people lumping Republicans into a bucket of bible-thumping-uneducated-conservative-pinheads and I also cannot stand those who lump Democrats into a bucket of give all the money to the poor-never go to war- hippies, who all hate God and have college degrees. I just don’t see our country being that black and white.

Oy! What is a girl to do?

Me: Max, you can’t wear socks with your sandals
Max: ME SOCKS!
Me: No, you cannot wear socks with your sandals
David: Why can’t he?
Me: Because
Max: ME SOCKS!
David: I think it is very European of him.

I’m always surprised when David makes an off-handed comment like; “how could you forget that at the grocery store,” or “can you take the van to the dealership and wait for 2 hours while they fix it?” My response to these things is always something along the lines of “I have 2 kids under the age of five….” After that I feel everything else is excused. As a result I would like to put out there a challenge – an obstacle course – a test of wills. Husbands welcome to YOUR Olympics.

Grocery Store Sprint
You are required to take more than one child with you to the grocery store. You must go at a time that is at least 1 hour within either nap time or lunch time. You will have to purchase more than 20 items. These items must feed a family of four for an entire week and not cost more than the allotted budget for your family. You have an hour. The challenge – don’t forget anything, don’t over spend, don’t buy the kids a junky snack in order to keep them quiet.

The Errand Obstacle Course
You are required to take more than one child with you and accomplish more than 3 errands. Each errand must require you to take the children out of the car and actually enter the establishment. None of these errands can be “kid-focused” (for instance, no going to the library or toy store) and at least one stop must require you to wait in a line for more than 5 minutes. Again, no buying junk food to keep them quiet or the promise of a pony if they are good.

The Phone Call Balance
You are required to call and schedule 3 separate doctors appointment. These appointments must not conflict with meal time, nap time, school time, church time, or other people’s schedules. You must also do this while all children are awake and in the same room with you.

The Car Repair Endurance
Take your vehicle to the dealership or other car repair location. This must be a repair that requires you to leave your vehicle (no drive-thru oil change). You must sit and wait, with the children inside the sometimes dirty, always boring, and germ-infested sitting area while your car is fixed. The repair must take longer 20 minutes. (extra points if one of the children is still in diapers)

Okay guys, the gauntlet has been tossed. You can either step-up to the plate or just admit defeat and secede the gold medal to the true winner in this battle — your wife.

This morning Max unleashed his tiny fists of fury on my laptop. The result, 20% of my keyboard is no longer functioning. I will be taking a short blogging break while my computer is repaired. In the meantime would anybody like to care for my son until I get over my inappropriate rage?

I can’t seem to get my mind focused enough to put together one cohesive blog post. I’ve started four and have finished none of them. As a result I’m just going to combine them into one sort of mish-mash post.

My Tiny Guy
The kids and I ventured across the street yesterday to visit our neighbor. Their little boy is 18 months old. As we stood their chatting we both could not help but notice that our sons were the EXACT same size (as a matter of fact her son had at least 8 lbs on Max). This means my 31 month old son is the same size as an 18 month old. In a panic I called the doctor who assured me that since January Max has grown 2 inches and based on his growth trend is just fine. And yet….he’s short. Because my kids have never attended school I don’t normally see them in context with other children and although I always knew Max wasn’t particularly big for his size his “petite stature” didn’t fully hit me until yesterday.

Bad Food
I started putting together a list of foods that I find gross and will never require my kids to eat. Any of these on your list?

1.) Green Peas
2.) Lima Beans
3.) Cauliflower
4.) Kidney (or other animal organ)
5.) pureed meat – so glad I’m past baby food

The Body Wonder
I had a physical last week because, well, I’m 38 and it seemed like the thing to do. Well low and behold my thyroid isn’t working. As a result I’ve started some new fangled medication that is supposed to give me more energy and allow me to lose weight (versus exercising in some sort of self-torturous adventure). Glad I got that physical – like seriously.

That’s it – that is what has been on my mind. See how I could never really tie all those things together? I don’t know – I’m blaming my newly malfunctioning thyroid.

This is a warning, that for the second time this week I will be stepping upon my soap-box. I promise to not make this a trend.

It’s the first week of school here in Dallas, as it is in most states. I teach college English and like most teachers I start every year with a couple of key goals in mind:

1.) How do I inspire my students to do their best work?
2.) How do I get my students to engage with my subject and as a result learn something?
3.) How do I make my subject matter relevant to them without deluding the quality of the assignment?
4.) How do I make them better skilled as a human so they can go be successful in the world?

I will be the first to admit that some semesters I am more successful than others. I am more successful with some students than I am with others. Teaching is never going to have a 100% success rate. EVER. Why? Because it takes at least two people to be successful in the classroom me and the student and as a teacher I can only control half of that equation. As a result, it infuriates me when bureaucrats, legislators and parents become enraged when they look at dropout rates or failure rates and blame the teachers. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of bad teachers out there, but you cannot legislate success.

This summer, in anticipation of this school year, the Dallas ISD passed a new grading policy that is effective across the district. Here are some highlights (for the full article go here):

1.) Teachers MUST accept late homework from all students
2.) If a student fails a test they are automatically given a chance to retake the test
3.) Teachers MUST drop any low grade that would lower a students overall average
4.) A teacher cannot give any grade lower than a 50%

Their defense of this policy is that they have a high dropout rate among 9th grade students who fail 2 or more classes within the first 6 weeks of school. However, the reason why they are failing the first 6 weeks of class isn’t because the teachers are failing them it is because THEY CAN’T READ! Nothing like treating the symptom but not fixing the cold. Just because we pretend that these kids aren’t failing doesn’t mean they aren’t. This policy absolutely horrifies me — it is neither helping the students nor assisting the teachers. Why as a society are we incapable of saying the tough things about our own education system?

I’m retreating from my soap-box and will place it back in the closet. Thank you for your patience.