Our car was burglarized last night. This will be the third time in the seven years we’ve lived in this house. I know some of you may be thinking; “wow, what a bad neighborhood” but you see that is the joke. I LIVE IN THE SUBURBS. And when I say suburbs I mean the quintessential suburbs of Dallas. We are 45 minutes north of Dallas. There are no crack houses, prostitutes or gangs running around our little bedroom community. Nope, just bored teenagers who are looking to pawn money for drugs. (At least that is what I’m telling myself). Each time our car is ravaged I’m struck by the stupidity of the thief.

Break In #1 – the car was unlocked (lucky us) and he took my case of CD’s. Joke was on the burglar since they all had been copied from real CD’s and thus he couldn’t actually sell them. What value is there in a CD with “Christina Aguilerra” scrawled across it with a Sharpie marker?

Break In #2 – He smashed our passenger side window (car locked this time – unlucky us) and took my book bag from school. I’m assuming he was looking for a computer and when none was found kindly dumped my book bag in my neighbors yard. All contents were returned to me with the addition of bugs in my bag and $150 to fix the window. The burglar did NOT take our satellite radio which was adhered to the dashboard with velcro, my case of CD’s or even my day planner which had our bank account numbers in it. Very smart

Break In #3 – Car was unlocked (lucky us) and he kindly opened every compartment in the car and emptied the contents on the front seat. This time the joke was on him because having just arrived home from being out of town we thoroughly emptied the car (in order to sort through everything in the house). I don’t even think there was an old french fry in our car.

These break-ins are in addition to the prostitute who showed up at our house one night and the vandalism we suffered to our giant, inflatable, Halloween snow globe. (I will spare you the details but alas we had no snow globe for this year). I guess I’m old but I really don’t understand the motivation here. We live in a very nice middle-class neighborhood with good schools. If these are kids doing this for kicks — well, it frankly isn’t funny. If it is kids doing it for drug money then get smarter about what you are stealing. (Our neighbor said they tried to steal his 100lb hydraulic jack, but when they realized how heavy it was they dumped it 6 doors down).

I share this with you as a cautionary tale. Let me summarize the lessons learned here.
#1 don’t lock your car
#2 don’t leave expensive things in your car overnight
#3 the suburbs are not safe
#4 teenagers are as stupid today as they were 50 years ago.

Perhaps I should leave a personalized note and some home-baked cookies in my glove box just in case they come to visit again.

Goal setting and resolution making seem contradictory to parenthood. I can set the goal that Max will be potty-trained by July or that Lucy will be reading by October but I’m not the one that actually has to achieve these goals – they do. I remember years ago my parents lamenting the fact that parenthood NEVER stops. This idea that you are done when the kids are 18 is a ridiculous myth, because it is when they turn 18 that the job gets hard. It is at 18 when kids start making the really important life decisions and who is still there guiding them? Mommy and Daddy. How do you know when you’ve finally crossed the finish line of parenting? When are we done?

I suppose each parent defines parental success differently. Whether we consciously or subconsciously realize it we are all raising our children to be a certain kind of person and it is this idealized person that is our imaginary finish line. I want my children to be educated, inquisitive, imaginative, charitable, honorable, emotionally strong, physically healthy and spiritually happy.

Am I all those things?

I can’t help but wonder if my parents have passed the parental finish line. I just called my mother the other day to ask her how to thread the bobbin in my sewing machine. I still call them to share my successes, ease my burdens, and calm my worries. Isn’t that still parenting? Have I become the kind of person they set out to make me? And even if I have, does that free them from their parental duties?

I suppose our responsibilities lessen, our children grow less needy of us and us of them. Now, while Lucy and Max are little they need me to survive and as they enter young adulthood they will continue to seek my approval. Some day, some undefined moment they will need neither of these from me. They will be able to care for themselves and their family. Will I then cross the finish line? Parenting is made for the long distance runner. The person who is slow and steady, consistent in spirit, and bottomless in strength. I am not eager to reach the end of this race and would like to prolong the finish line for as long as possible.

Thank you to Michelle from Scribbit for the ideas as I send my post off to her monthly Write-Away Contest.

In households across the country people will be making their New Year resolutions. This has never been the tradition in my house. My parents always took a piece of paper and wrote down their New Year PREDICTIONS. They would predict what was going to happen in the coming year and then seal it in an envelope. On the following New Year they would open their predictions to see how many came true.

I would like to continue this tradition by asking YOU to write your own New Year’s Predictions. My family always liked to cover a wide range of topics from the political to the mundane. Write 5 predictions (feel free to use the graphic here) and then tag 3 of your friends to write their own predictions. You can also just leave your predictions here in the comments area. I will be the keeper of your predictions and next year we’ll see how we all did.

1.) Britney Spears will challenge Keven Federline for full custody of their children
2.) Gasoline will see $1.15 a gallon before creeping back up to over $2.00 a gallon
3.) Michael Jackson will move back to the United States
4.) Lucy will start school and discover that it isn’t nearly as bad as she anticipated. However, Mommy will discover that the home-schooling part will be far more challenging than she thought.
5.) Max will discover his independence and easily rid himself of his pacifier addiction. (I think this is wishful thinking more than a prediction).

The three people I’m tagging first are Jane from “What About Mom”, Annie from “The Daily Digress” and my old friend Holly from “Migraines and Mortgages” who has actually participated in the original version with real paper.

This is sort of my blog-i-versary. I don’t really have a set date because well, there were several starts and stops. It took me almost an entire year to figure out what I was going to do with my little corner of the internet and so my early posts are a very strange combination of topics. It wasn’t until I realized that I needed to filter LESS not MORE that things fell into place. I thought I would take this moment to tell you what I learned this first year.

1.) Writing several times a week is a lot harder than it looks. When I tell people I blog I get one of the following reactions; a.) blank stare b.) an “oh really? I should do that” or c.) “does anybody read it?” The truth is, it is hard to do. Oh, it was fun and heady the first couple of months but quickly (sometime around July) it started to get painful. Frankly, I’m not that interesting and writing 3-5 times a week can be a stretch sometimes.

2.) The internet is filled with lovely people. I’ve made some amazing friends this year and met some incredible women. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve never met them in person, but I know their stories like I know my own. I’m proud to be a part of the “mommy-blogger” club because we are an impressive band of sisters.

3.) The internet is filled with people that have no sense of humor. I’m sarcastic and I get the fact that sarcasm doesn’t always translate well in the written world but c’mon people – really? I periodically post in some public venues and I’m always amazed at the vitrolic responses I receive on the most basic, humorous posts. It has made me very sympathetic and understanding of bloggers like Dooce. I can only imagine the hate-mail she receives. Eegads people, lighten up.

4.) I would do this even if nobody read it. The most surprising, and yet obvious, thing I’ve discovered is how much I have missed writing. My bachelors degree was in creative writing and I suppose I always assumed I would be a writer some day. My blog has really allowed me to pursue that. It is nice that people read it and even nicer when people comment, but fundamentally I do this for me.

Lastly, I have not finished this year without the amazing support of my parents, my husband and my readers. David has been unabashed in his support and even designed my header graphic. My parents have read every post, and as always, have been my most honest critic. My lovely, lovely readers who have rallied to my support, laughed at my jokes, provided me with wonderful tips and lead me down new paths of discovery — thank you. Thank you all. I hope in 2009 I continue to entertain you.

I’m not the kind of person who wins things. My luck just doesn’t run that way. However, somewhere in the cosmos the “Saint of Santa Pictures” has looked down upon me and taken me into his favor. I say this because I have had uncanny good luck with my kids and Santa Claus. Lucy’s very first picture with Santa Claus looked like it was taken from a brochure. Even Max has only provided me with one tearful photo in the 3 years we’ve taken his picture. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this and I’m sure that now that I’ve drawn attention to it I will forever be condemned to horrid photos. However, for this year we were successful:

For those of you living in the Dallas area I would like to let you in on my secret to some of my success. I always go to the Willow Bend Mall. Why? Because that mall is filled with stores that nobody can afford to shop in and thus is ALWAYS empty during the holiday season. If you get to the mall at around 4:45 during a weekday you are sure to not experience a line for Santa.

Lucy is very analytical for a 4 year old. She always has been. Where simple answers like “the cat died and is with God” would suffice for most 4 year olds with Lucy it is not enough. She is a thinker, she mulls, she stews, she questions, she reflects. So, it wasn’t all that surprising that we had this conversation this morning (while she sat on the toilet).

Lucy: mommy, do I have a beard?
Me: Nooo, you’re silly
Lucy: Will I ever have a beard?
Me: No, beards are only for boys
Lucy: That’s okay. I like being a girl. Do you like being a girl mommy?
Me: Yes, I like being a girl just fine.
Lucy: Me too. Do some girls, who are girls, not like being a girl?
Me: Um, some don’t like it.
Lucy: Why?
Me: I don’t know. I suppose some just don’t like being a girl
Lucy: Are there boys who don’t like being boys?
Me: Yes, I suppose so.
Lucy: Do they want to dress like girls?
Me: (starting to squirm at where these questions are leading) I don’t know, I suppose so.

Lucy takes a minute to reflect. This is when I get nervous. I know she’s working all this out in her head. She’s wondering why a boy wouldn’t want to be a boy and why would he want to wear girls clothes and I’m holding my breath in anticipation of the bombshell that is surely to come.

Lucy: (as she wiggles off the toilet) well, I LIKE being a girl.
Me: yep, me too.

And that was it — FOR NOW. I know the follow up questions are not too far behind. It may take her a couple of weeks but it will come up again. That is Lucy – that is her little analytical personality trying to get all the puzzle pieces of life to fit together into a nice, neat package. All the numbers need to add up, all the lines need to be straight, life MUST make sense to her. I bet my parents are loving this.

I feel that part of my responsibility as a female blogger is to bring clarity into the world of marital communication. As most married persons are aware, good, clear, frequent communication is essential to a happy marriage. As a result I would like to discuss the concept of “time” and how it works within a marriage.

#1 “Honey, would you mind changing the child’s diaper”
Husbands, you have approximately 10 minutes to begin this task. More than likely said child is sending out a stench that would make grown men weep or is carrying so much fluid between their legs that more than a diaper change will be required if more time is wasted. If you fail to begin this task within 10 minutes your wife will assume you are ignoring her and/or deciding to not do her this favor.

#2 “Babe, could you empty the garbage?”
This one is tricky since this request needs to be taken into context with other events. Are you expecting guests to arrive? If this is the case then she expects you to have this task completed prior to their arrival. Is the garbage man on his way? Then you better get it out to the curb before she hears the truck. If there are no extenuating circumstances than you probably have 20-30 minutes before she is going to think you are ignoring her.

#3 “Do you think you could get me “x” item down from attic/cupboard/high shelf?”
Unless she specifies a time she needs this item NOW. Do not wait for a commercial break, for you to reach the end of the internet or to go to the bathroom. More than likely she is in the middle of doing something and needs said item immediately. She’s only asking you because you are taller than she is. This is also true for the “Can you open” or the “Can you unscrew” requests.

#4 “Could you run to the store and get me …..”
This must also be taken into context. Is she baking a cake and has only now realized she’s out of sugar? In which case you better high-tale it out of the house and to the store. Is your normally diapered child running around naked? Well, in this case it depends on your tolerance for urine on your floor. More than likely you have anywhere between 5-15 minutes to start this task before an argument will ensue.

The important thing to remember is that all of these tasks are things that she WOULD do if she could. However, for whatever reason she can not, at that moment, do them. She is throwing out a distress signal to her teammate, she is ‘tagging’ you in to the ring. If you were in the middle of a wrestling match you wouldn’t tell Hulk Hogan “hold on a second honey I want to download the new Maroon 5 album” and so the same excuse should not be used with your wife. She is asking for help, at that moment, right now. If none of these circumstance apply to your particular situation than I would stick with no more than 30 minutes. Once 30 minutest have passed said request then nagging will ensue; “don’t forget the garbage babe.” “Babe, remember the garbage?” “Honey, the garbage. Now” You get the idea.

I’m glad I can serve you like this and bring clarity and harmony to your relationships.

Act I

Me: I really think we need to be better about making Max take a nap. When he hasn’t napped he is really prone to having tantrums
David: Why isn’t he napping? BABE! He should be napping EVERY day
Me: I don’t disagree, but he does not take a nap easily. He’s not like Lucy, he fights it every step of the way. Sometimes it’s 3:00 and I still haven’t gotten him to sleep and then it’s too late.
David: Then you need to start putting him down for nap earlier in the day
Me: it’s not that easy
David: HEY, Who is the parent here? You are. He naps. EVERY DAY
Me: Okay, I get it.

Act II
Upon returning from an all day shopping trip with my sister

Me: How were the kids?
David: great, no problems
Me: Did Max nap?
David: nope
Me: He didn’t sleep?
David: yeah, well I didn’t really try to get him to sleep
Me: Baaabe?
David: sorry, I got busy and I forgot. He’ll be fine.