There is this little meme that has recently been floating around Facebook. It is a questionnaire that you are to ask your children. While Max was busy puking last week, Lucy and I completed the questions. Here are her answers. She is 5 years old. My comments are in paranthesis

1. What is something mom always says to you?
We can have drinks
(Wouldn’t CPS love to hear that?)

2. What makes mom happy?
When we listen to you and we don’t roll on the floor at your doctor

3. What makes mom sad?
That we don’t listen to you

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
you make funny faces

5. What was your mom like as a child?
You were like Maggie (Lucy’s cousin. At first I thought this was a strange answer but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I actually was a lot like Maggie)

6. How old is your mom?
4:30

7. How tall is your mom?
33 inches

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
watch movies with me (of course she couldn’t say read or cook or spend quality time together)

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
you clean up (so sad)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
That you will always be my mommy forever!!

11. What is your mom really good at?
good at Lego Indiana Jones (Xbox and I must say that I’m pretty proud of my mad-ninja-video game skills.)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
bad at cooking (wow, I’m crushed by this)
sometimes you are good and sometimes you are bad but I still love you (thanks for that ringing endorsement Lucy)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
cleaning up, cook, school

14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
Ham (which is funny because I HATE ham)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
When you play games with me

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Tigger

17. What do you and your mom do together?
we color (again she doesn’t mention oh “we read together” or “we make cookies”)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We’re both girls and we like to paint fake people (yeah, I don’t know what this means)

19. How are you and your mom different?
Your big and I’m small, well, I’m kind of big

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because you say “you’re a good girl”

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
To the aquarium and to the store

Apparently I’m not spending near enough time bonding with my daughter.

We woke up at 9:00 for a 9:45 doctor’s appointment this morning. We ran the “fire drill” as I dressed everybody and shoved them out the door. On the way to the eye doctor’s office the following conversation occurred in the car:

Me: You guys want me to stop and get doughnuts?
Max: YES! I want leettle doughnuts
Lucy: No thanks. I’m not hungry
Me: Lucy, you aren’t much of a breakfast person are you?
Lucy: No, I like lunch because I can eat healthy foods.
Max: I like doughnuts
Lucy: But Max, doughnuts aren’t healthy. You shouldn’t eat them
Max: waffles?
Lucy: No, waffles aren’t healthy either. You should eat apples and bananas and, um, raisins
Max: pancakes?
Lucy: No, pancakes aren’t healthy either. You need to eat carrots.
Max: I like doughnuts. Chocolate doughnuts and leettle doughnuts (aka doughnut holes)

I could never be a nurse or a doctor because quite frankly people annoy me. However, I’m always overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity that come from people who serve in these jobs. Well, at least the good ones. Max’s pediatricians this past week and weekend were glorious. They were never curt, short, bad-tempered or treated us like idiots or annoyances that had to be tolerated. They did everything they could to keep us informed including calling us from home and well into the evening. Max’s nurses were sweet and tender and did everything they could to calm and reassure Max. Even the lab guy, who strolled in at 5:00 AM to take blood, looked at Max and I with sympathy and compassion.

So what do you give to somebody who quite possibly saved your child’s life? A watch? A car? A lifetime of indentured service? I decided on lemon cookies. I found this simple and easy recipe on My Baking Addiction and I think she might have gotten it from Kraft Kitchens. I don’t know, but I baked these babies up with Lucy and they turned out great. Plus, they packaged pretty. I’m thinking these might be fun for Easter this year too.

I don’t talk a lot about our church here because I guess it seems very personal to me. However, I LOVE our church and I wish I could take everybody there at least once. One of the things I love about it is how they’ve embraced technology and media and use it to spread the gospel. It is very cool. Well, our really cool pastors have started their own blog titled “PB&J”. This is actually their initials. I invite you to go and check out their site. They also post video podcasts and audio podcasts of the sermon every week if you want to listen to more. I love to download these and then listen to them while I work out. When I’m finished I feel like such an incredibly awesome human being.

Max and I are back home from the hospital and enjoying our white toast and Pedialyte spritzers. He is recovering slowly, but nicely. I’m hoping he may actually start eating sometime tomorrow. I’ve really appreciated all the words of support and prayers. It is always comforting to know how many people are surrounding you when you need them the most.

In the meantime I’m being featured on 5 Minutes For Books today. A little article that I wrote about boys and books. Wander over there and check it out. Interesting idea – what do boys read?

Max has been in the hospital since Thursday morning. It isn’t serious and indeed we’re very hopeful he’ll come home today. He caught the Rotovirus. That nasty, stomach-lurching, bowel irritating, poop generating, fever producing virus. It is the kind of virus that in a pretty healthy and stubborn 3 year old can wreck havoc. In three days Max has had 2 IV’s put in, 4 blood labs drawn, 2 throat cultures and 2 finger pricks. That would make 8 needles in 3 days. If you are a parent than you know exactly what this means; lots of time listening to my son scream; “NO POKEYS!! NO POKEYS!!” I wish I had something funny and interesting to say about this and perhaps I will after a couple of days. Right now, Max and I are busy plotting how to take out the night shift nurse who wakes us up EVERY TWO HOURS!! We hate that woman!

If I have not mentioned it before, Max is very stubborn (a quality that he gets from both sides of his family) and when he decides something there is no changing his mind. Over the past two days he has been battling the stomach virus. He has also refused liquid – OF ANY KIND. That is right, my son is non-stop vomiting and won’t take in liquid. No Popsicles, ice chips, Pedialyte, Gatorade, water, etc. After about 14 hours of his “no-liquid” protest we were forced to take him to the ER for intravenus fluid.

There are only a few things you have to do as a mommy that can be categorically labeled as “beyond reasonable for any human to have to face”. The first one is cleaning up vomit. I am a terrible parent at handling vomit and it frequently ends with me waving my arms in the air and screaming “HE’S PUKING!!” or “THE SHEETS?! HE’S PUKED ON THE SHEETS!” I really excel at inappropriate comments during these times. This is why they ask for their father. I’m okay with this. When they were infants and they were hungry all they wanted was their mommy – now when they throw up they only want their father. It is all equal.

The second most horrid thing to face as a parent is your child being subjected to painful medical treatments. I really don’t understand the logic when the nurse says in such a deceptively sweet voice, “Now Mom, if you can just hold his hands down and lay your body on top of his while I pull his brain out through his ear.” Really? ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS? DID YOU WORK IN THE NAZI CONCENTRATION CAMPS BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU DELIGHT IN TORTURE! And why do they tell you to “soothe” your child during these times? I’m supposed to speak reassuringly to my son whom you have just poked a giant needle into and somehow that is going to make him forget the second giant needle that is coming? Are you people idiots? Oh, and did I mention that the ER nurse didn’t know how to put an IV into a child and so they had to poke him about A DOZEN TIMES!! After the first four attempts at putting in the IV, and the throat culture swab (because the doctor didn’t believe me when I told him that Max’s tonsils are ALWAYS red and he most definitely does NOT have strep) they kicked me out of the room. I sat outside of that hospital room and listened to them poke my son who screamed “MOOOMMMMYYY” for 20 minutes. My body lurched with uncontrollable sobs. I could not stop crying and indeed I still cry when I think about it. There is nothing more painful, more devastating, than to listen to your child cry out of pain that you have agreed to subject them to.

When they let me back into the room I grabbed Max’s worn out, tired, sobbing little body and pulled him close. He instantly fell asleep in my lap. As he fell into that deep slumber that only illness can bring I quietly cried. He won’t remember one second of what happened yesterday and I won’t ever forget.

I want to talk about love. Not just any love, but a love that runs deep and wide. I’m talking about Target. C’mon girls admit it, we love this store almost as much as we love our husbands or pets. The beautiful red bulls-eye that invites us in. The aisles that are filled with stylistic accessories and clothing that we must own RIGHT NOW. I have two Super Targets near my house (yes, I know you are all jealous) and the amount of money I spend at these stores on a monthly basis is absurd. A Super Target is Super because it has a FULL grocery store as well as all the other cool things. I wanted to share my top 5 things to buy at Target — what are yours?

1.) Purses. I love to have new stylish bags. As a matter of fact I have a theory that at age 16 women begin a quest to find the “ultimate” purse. This is the holy grail of female shopping. We NEVER find that one great bag, but we love trying new ones out. At least I do and Target makes this habit affordable.

2.) Icee Drinks & Popcorn. The kids know that no trip to Target is complete unless we first stop and get an Icee and a small popcorn. Lucy’s flavor is “White Cherry” Max’s is “Blue Raspberry”.

3.) Italian Sausage. Okay, I know this is strange, but the Target generic brand (Archer Farms) makes this ground Italian sausage that is fantastic. I brown this up and have used it in everything from homemade pizzas to baked ziti.

4.) Plastic Plates. I know I have talked before about my love for the plastic, seasonal plates that Target sells, but seriously, they are adorable. Every season from Valentine’s Day to Christmas they come out with these cute plates and I MUST buy them.

5.) Method Soap. I realize that you can buy this soap in other stores but it just seems cooler coming from Target. I buy the special seasonal scents every time. I especially like their granite cleaner and their wood furniture cleaner. I also love their cool bottles that don’t have their name splashed across the front.

I know you all feel the same way. Cleanse your soul and admit to your forbidden love of this mommy mecca.