All posts by blogobeth

Technology

Ode To The Mini-Van

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I spent much of my youth growing up in Detroit – the motor city – and I have always found it strange that although car companies will tell you that women are the final decision makers when buying a vehicle, they still have not figured out how to market to us.  They either try to appeal to our sense of style/color or they try to tell us that it is cheap.  Listen up Detroit! First of all I could care less what color my car is.  Outside of avocado green or neon pink it is really not a deciding factor in buying a car.  Second, although I’m interested in price (obviously) it is not the only thing that interests me.  Marketing anything tech related to women is all about FUNCTION. What is it going to do FOR ME? And will it make my life easier or one more thing I’ve got to wash and feed?  This brings me to my second most important Mommy tech item that I own (my iPhone remains at the #1 spot), my Honda Odyssey.

Now, in the world of mini-vans and soccer Moms the Honda Odyssey is the Cadillac of mini-vans and I must admit that I LOVE MY HONDA ODYSSEY.  I was one of those women who swore up and down that I would never drive a mini-van.  That I would rather have every shred of my cool persona stripped from me than be caught dead in a mini-van.  As a result I drove a Ford Expedition.  I actually drove two Ford Expeditions – one used, one new.  I hated it.  It was a big, huge, mammoth vehicle to drive.  It sat so high off the ground that getting small children in and out was nothing less than a Herculean effort. I felt like my kids were so far away from me in the back seat that I really needed some sort of messaging system in order to talk to them.  It guzzled gas (at one point costing me $75 to fill the tank)  and It was difficult to fit into the driveway.  And then, I herniated my back. The doctor was clear; “you cannot lift or carry your children. EVER.”  That was it. How was I going to get my 18 month old son into his car seat in the Expedition if I couldn’t lift or carry him?  While recovering at my in-laws house David surprised me by purchasing our first mini-van.  I had no choice.

Since that fateful summer I have become a convert. An evangelist for the glory of the mini-van.  My kids can get in and get out without my assistance.  I can open all of the doors with a flick of a button.  The built in mirror lets me keep an eye on them in the backseat. They are close enough to the front that I can reach behind with one hand and give them a juice box and still drive with the other hand. I can quickly dispatch the “look of terror” and espouse threats from the front and enforce order in the back.  The back seats easily fold down to carry large items and when the seats are up the trunk is sunken in to ensure that your groceries don’t go flying all over the trunk (something the Expedition most definitely didn’t have). Honda understands Moms and the Odyssey is proof of that. The gas mileage is reasonable, and the engine has enough “get up and go” that even David isn’t embarrassed to drive it.  It is big enough that it can tow our jetski and small enough that I don’t have to worry about it not fitting in the garage.

Whether I’ve lost my “cool” factor by succumbing to this item I don’t know and I no longer care. What I have discovered is that mini-van owners have an understanding. We look each other in the eye and give a nod that says, “it may not look cool but this is the best damn vehicle I’ve ever owned”.

Books

A Review: The Time Traveler’s Wife

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time-travelerI’ve had several people ask me recently what I thought about “The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger.  The easy answer is that I liked it.  I devoured the love story and characters as if it were a rich mousse waiting on me to slowly savor each bite.  Niffenegger does a fabulous job of developing these wonderful people with whom you can easily identify and who’s lives you want to know more about.

However, the quality that impressed me the most was the organization and structure of this story.  Yes, I’m an English teacher and at times I cannot separate the reader from the teacher and this story was a tour de force in structure.  It is mind-boggling how much forethought and planning must have gone into this story before she wrote a single word.  The time traveling and often times, overlap between the two characters could have been clumsy, confusing and awkward for the reader.  Instead,  Niffenegger seamlessly takes her reader back and forth from present to past to future without ever losing the fluidity of the story.  I applaud the monumental effort that must have been put forth to make this story work on a purely organizational level.

My only disappointment was in the ending, which felt weak and almost like an after thought.  Was she intentionally leaving loose threads so a sequel could be written? Oh, I hope not.  The book seemed to end suddenly with so many unanswered questions that I felt betrayed at the end.  I also at times felt the main characters struck me as a bit cliche.  She’s an artist, he’s a librarian, they live a bohemian lifestyle in Chicago that seems perfect for Hollywood to take and turn into a movie.  For my more conservative readers, this book has some very vivid sex scenes.  The multiple sexual encounters of the two main characters are described ad nauseum at times and in detail that I felt was unnecessary.  Call me a prude.

Overall though I felt it was a fabulous book, that was well written and crafted. I most definitely will be seeing the film in the fall and would recommend this book as a great summer time fling.

Family Life

America

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Sometime during the 1960’s David’s grandfather, Reveau Stewart, bought a piece of lakefront property for $650.  Since he was a skilled carpenter and craftsman, he built a small vacation house for himself and his family of nine.  Today it is the focal point, and gathering location for the Stewart family.  This past Fourth of July there were approximately 25 people staying at the lake house, all of whom were closely related.  The love, joy, fellowship and connections that are shared during these big grand weekends is only eclipsed by the large amount of food that is also shared (8 loaves of bread, 10 pounds of lunch meat, 3 chocolate cakes, etc).

Lucy & Max with their cousins
Lucy & Max with their cousins

As the sun sank behind the lake and everybody nestled onto blankets or lawn chairs to watch the fireworks I looked at my children.  My kids who were dark skinned from a week of swimming in the lake.  My kids who were covered in a sticky combination of sun screen, popsicle, and sand.  My sweet children who will grow up being surrounded by a family that reaches as wide as it does deep.  And as the fireworks blasted in the sky and Max burst from his mouth; “AWESOME DUDE!” I thought this is what America is all about and it is indeed awesome.

Family Life, Kids

Our Lesson Today Is…

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Parenting is the kind of job that places relentless demands on a person.  You are never “off-duty”.  The duty may change, the needs alter, but the job is forever. FOR-EVER (yes, you young teenagers who are having sex I’m talking to you!) When you have small children, like I do, the demands are physical.  You go years with little or poor sleep. You are on constant alert to help with potty needs, help to get clothes on, in and out of cars, across the street, food to eat, etc, etc.  You become a servant whose only job is to attend the little selfish pixies that inhabit your home.  Some days you don’t mind, but many times you find yourself mildly resenting that nobody does those things for you.  Why doesn’t somebody get up and make ME breakfast? Why doesn’t somebody think to wash MY clothes? Why don’t I get to sit around and do the things I want to do all day long?

And then last week my mother-in-law (who will forever be known as Saint Nana) took my children.  I was once again alone and at home.  I had longed for this moment.  I counted down until my children would be out of the house and I could relish in the silence and solitude of my own home.  The moment that I had yearned for arrived and I was going to wallow in the beauty of not serving or helping a single person but myself.

By Wednesday I discovered that without my children my life is selfish and lacks purpose.  The whole reason why I had kids was because I was sick of thinking about myself and I was ready to take care of another person.  I wanted the opportunity to introduce a new person to this great world and help them see and experience it’s wonders.  I wanted to care for another person, serve another person, love another person and without them I’m a selfish turd.  I hated it.  It was nice to sleep in, until you realize that the reason why is because you have no reason to wake up.

I’m grateful for the time David and I had to reconnect as a couple and it was truly a gift. However, I’m more appreciative of having the opportunity to rediscover why I became a mother in the first place.

Uncategorized

Don’t Bother Me, I’m Reading

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I’m busy reading.  I love to read and my addiction to reading and books has been well documented. I’m currently in the throws of “The Time Traveler’s Wife” a love story recommended to me by my sister-in-law. I’ve read 400 pages in two days. That is how I operate, and with the kids at camp there is no reason for me to do anything else.  Oh, I suppose I could do the dishes, laundry, sort the kid’s toys, etc but why do the chores that I could do every day, when there is such a book to read?  I haven’t finished the book, but I can already tell you that I love this book.  It is complex.   I am in awe of Audrey Niffenegger and her ability to plan and organize such a big, long story. It is rather sexually explicit at times (for those of you who prefer more G-rated fare) but the depth of these characters are rich. It has made me want to simultaneously cling to David and celebrate in my fortune of finding my own soul mate in life.  You cannot tell the story of two lives intertwined, like Niffenegger has, without touching on the anguish, ecstasy, pain and unconditional love that comes with such a relationship.

I’m saying all this to let you know that I’m too busy reading to write a post.

Teaching/School

English Majors UNITE!

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As I sat on the couch watching the Sunday morning news a commercial came on promoting a non-profit organization that was working to encourage kids to enroll in more math and science programs.  It occurred to me, why are we always encouraging kids to study math and science and yet nobody is encouraging students to study English? Why? (caution I am now climbing on my soapbox).  Everybody is fascinated by Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, but if these gentlemen opened their mouth’s and said, “y’know, dude, it’s like, uh, a thing, that does stuff that like, lets you write junk and, uh, you can then like, send it to people, y’know? and then people like get it, and like uh, read it…” Would their companies be as successful? The truth is that nobody thinks of the importance of writing or speaking properly until they see or hear somebody do it wrong and then that person is left vulnerable.  Nobody is there when their resume is read in the HR office and then laughed at because the basic grammar and speech patterns are so horrendous.  Every administrator or politician talks about the importance of reading and writing and yet, when the money gets passed around the first place it goes is to pay for more computers, science equipment, etc. It is not spent on writing centers, books, and other reading and writing tools that are essential for success.

When I decided to major in English the only career option presented to me was teaching.  I was NOT an education major. I refused. I worked in online media for ten years and used my degree every day.  As a project manager I wrote status reports, communicated with clients, but most importantly I was able to take large complex problems and break them down into smaller pieces.  After all that is what you do when you read a book.  You look at the whole, understand it, look for patterns, examine it’s components, see the connections and than communicate those relationships to other people. When you put together an ad campaign or a website it is the same process.  Studying English teaches you how to identify the undefined problem and then how to think about the problem so you can find a solution.  Wouldn’t we be a better country, a better society if we had more creative problem solvers?  And how do you teach creative problem solving? You give them Walt Whitman to read, and Ernest Hemingway, Shakespeare, Dickens, et al.

And yet, when we think about encouraging education, and student learning, we think about math scores, science scores and how we get more kids enrolled in math and science.  Our students will never appreciate the value of writing, reading and speaking properly if the adults reponsible for funding their education don’t start valuing it first. Why are these most important skills so frequently discounted and treated like second class citizens in the education field?  A child will never be a good scientist if he can’t successfully read or learn the basics of reasearch and have the ability to document his findings.  I fully appreciate the value of math and science and I am not discounting their imprtance in our society, but I also don’t feel that they are superior to reading and writing.

Family Life, Kids

Is One The Loneliest Number? Really?

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In three days both of my children will be leaving for “Nana Camp”. This is an annual event in the Morley family when my mother-in-law takes all of her grandchildren over 3 years old and hosts them for a week.  During this time the kids revel in eating ice cream and pizza at every meal, swimming until they collapse, not bathing, not eating vegetables and basically being allowed to do whatever they want.  It is truly a child’s paradise and I’m lucky to have such a mother-in-law.  The last two years Lucy has been old enough to go but not Max.  Although this was very sad for Max, I was glad to have one “little chick” at home.  Alas, this is the year that both will leave me.

I’m thrilled.

I’m sad.

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m excited.

I feel like I’ve been counting down to this moment since Max was born and yet now that it is here I’m feeling less sure.  What will my house be like without my kids? I’m going to come home from class to what? Silence. The last time my house was totally silent was the moment before I woke David up to drive me to the hospital for Lucy’s birth.  Part of me has visions of being this super-productive person who organizes closets, cleans under the kitchen table, and finishes up the kid’s baby books. But instead I fear I will be unfocused and unsure of what to do with my body.  Without my children will my day lack all structure and direction? And is that something that I should worry about?

I lived alone once.  I have the pictures to prove it. A small 680 square foot apartment with one bedroom and a fireplace. It was smartly decorated, spotlessly clean, and every inch was a reflection of me.  Now, I live in a 2,000 square foot house that holds the footprint and reflection of a family – husband, kids, in-laws, friends, etc. I don’t know how to exist alone in this space. This is a space no longer intended for one person.  How will it feel to have a glimpse backwards to a life that I no longer have and no longer want?

As of now I’m going to focus on how lovely it will be to sleep in, go to a movie with my husband, eat out, cook breakfast for MYSELF, and take a shower without an audience.  On second thought, ignore everything I just said.