Two weeks ago we were going to take a mini-break. I had booked a hotel in Fort Worth and purchased four tickets to see the “Imagination Movers” at the Bass Performance Hall. It was going to be the perfect family get away. The day before we were to leave Max landed in the hospital. Of course we didn’t think twice about canceling our plans and the tickets to the show sat at home unused. In the back of my mind I remembered that David had already scheduled two days off during Spring Break and so it made sense that we would just reschedule the vacation for then.

Some plans are best left canceled. God was trying to send me a message and I was ignoring the signs. Once again, the night before we were to leave for our re-scheduled vacation Max came down with a 103 degree fever. Most sensible people would have canceled again but their were plans in place. PLANS PEOPLE!! Plans that I had labored over. Plans that I had already been forced to reschedule once. Plans that I had researched, plotted and organized very carefully. PLANS!! I conceded to postpone our plans by a day but we were not canceling. (Yeah, did I mention I can be prideful and stubborn too?)

When Max woke up fever free on Saturday I was ready to go. We drove over an hour to go to the Fort Worth Zoo where we were met by a record number of visitors. Hmm. Who could have foreseen a large crowd at the zoo on a Saturday during Spring Break? Let me summarize our experience at the zoo: TOO MANY PEOPLE AND TOO MUCH WALKING. We walked close to a half-mile to even get to the entrance of the zoo. Max, overwhelmed by the sheer number of big people, and the fact that we couldn’t rent a stroller, went into a full-blown anxiety attack. He whined/cried for the next 3 hours.

The hotel was beautiful and David, recognizing the delicate emotional state of his son, ordered over a $100 in room service. We curled up on the couch and watched “Bolt” on pay-per-view. Max refused to eat. Max refused to watch the movie. The next day when we went to the IMAX movie theater Max would not stop crying. Did I mention that we spent close to $50 in movie tickets? David and Max saw the lobby and Lucy, terrified of the surround sound, saw my armpit.

This was definitely NOT THE PLAN.

The problem this weekend was not the plan – it was me. It was my unmitigated desire to have everything follow a plan. It was my prideful need to want things to go according to MY plan not God’s plan. If I could go back over my life and point to all the times that God has tried to teach me this lesson, well, I could write a book. My children were given to me to teach me to “let go” of the plan. To stop worrying about the plan.

When Max gets stressed or anxious he cries, and throws temper tantrums. He’s not a bad kid. He’s a scared kid. In my need and desire to make this the “perfect family weekend” I over-booked Max. Instead of being in the moment and allowing my son to be himself, I flexed my fist of control. I insisted that nothing was going to disrupt MY plan. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.

I’d like to think that I’ve learned my lesson. I’d like to think that I could tell God, “yeah, I get it. I don’t need to learn this lesson again”. Unfortunately, I will do it again, and God will laugh.