As mothers we all have the same goal in mind, to raise healthy, moral people who contribute to society and don’t mooch off of us in our retirement. We all have nuances, or personal additions to this list, but at a fundamental level this is the list. Nobody plans on raising a psychopathic, drug-addicted, murderer. And yet, why as women are we so critical of each other and the individual choices we make, as if there is only ONE, SINGULAR, PERFECT WAY TO RAISE CHILDREN.
Before our little ones are even born we are bombarded with the pressures to make “the right choice”. Really? There is such a thing? Because unless all mothers and all children are the exact same I don’t know how that is possible. We are berated into questioning where we are going to give birth, how we are going to give birth, what we are going to feed our kids, what kind of music they will listen to, books they will read, toys they will play with, etc.
Motherhood is difficult and we are each doing the best we can to make the best decisions we know how for our children. Why do we need to make this so much more difficult by judging and criticizing each other?
Jane, from “What About Mom“, said this in her post today and I couldn’t agree with her more;
“If the only way to be modern and a feminist is to follow the herd of working women to the office, then count me out, Gloria Steinem. My feeling unworthy as a woman for choosing to stay home would be just as unfeminist as a woman feeling unworthy for choosing to go to work. Feminism is (or should be) all about choices — women being able to make their own without worrying whether other women will consider the choice modern or hopelessly old-fashioned, progressive or lamentably traditional.”
I AM a feminist. I AM a mother. I AM making the best choices for MY children. Please worry about your own family and stop worrying about mine.
I hope this is just a reaction to that ladies blog and no one is criticizing you, because you are doing a fantabulous job raising your wonderful kids!!
Thanks!! I feel passionate about how critical other women can be and society can be of mothers. Breastfeed, hospital birth, tv viewing, organic foods, work, don’t work, it is so personal and is not something that should be judged by others.
Hear! Hear!
Well as a man and as father I still can’t fathom why women are so plagued with guilt about what they do. I truly believe in the equality of men and women and think that any person should be free to make the choices that suit them. Raising the next generation is crucial and perhaps the most important job anyone can have, so why care what anyone else says about your choice to stay at home or go to work. You should always do what is best for you and your family and your instincts will always be better than some ridiculous person telling you how to live your life and raise your children.
Great post (and not just because you linked to me — thanks!).
Like I said in my email, some people just don’t get the angst of motherhood and the choices we have to make (and sometimes defend), and I think they must be on some good drugs. Or maybe they meditate or do yoga. Or just live really clean lives.