Parenting is the kind of job that places relentless demands on a person.  You are never “off-duty”.  The duty may change, the needs alter, but the job is forever. FOR-EVER (yes, you young teenagers who are having sex I’m talking to you!) When you have small children, like I do, the demands are physical.  You go years with little or poor sleep. You are on constant alert to help with potty needs, help to get clothes on, in and out of cars, across the street, food to eat, etc, etc.  You become a servant whose only job is to attend the little selfish pixies that inhabit your home.  Some days you don’t mind, but many times you find yourself mildly resenting that nobody does those things for you.  Why doesn’t somebody get up and make ME breakfast? Why doesn’t somebody think to wash MY clothes? Why don’t I get to sit around and do the things I want to do all day long?

And then last week my mother-in-law (who will forever be known as Saint Nana) took my children.  I was once again alone and at home.  I had longed for this moment.  I counted down until my children would be out of the house and I could relish in the silence and solitude of my own home.  The moment that I had yearned for arrived and I was going to wallow in the beauty of not serving or helping a single person but myself.

By Wednesday I discovered that without my children my life is selfish and lacks purpose.  The whole reason why I had kids was because I was sick of thinking about myself and I was ready to take care of another person.  I wanted the opportunity to introduce a new person to this great world and help them see and experience it’s wonders.  I wanted to care for another person, serve another person, love another person and without them I’m a selfish turd.  I hated it.  It was nice to sleep in, until you realize that the reason why is because you have no reason to wake up.

I’m grateful for the time David and I had to reconnect as a couple and it was truly a gift. However, I’m more appreciative of having the opportunity to rediscover why I became a mother in the first place.