More than likely I will be welcoming our third baby in the next two weeks. For most pregnant women this is a difficult part of pregnancy and indeed I’m struggling to stay upbeat. I am a woman who labors for weeks. On and off contractions that are uncomfortable all the time and painful some of the time and rarely productive. I’m trying to find my “happy place” or at least come to peace with these last couple of weeks. I want to enjoy this last little bit of time I have before my little girl arrives.
I took time today to go back and re-read all my posts about my miscarriage. The disappointment, the pain and the months of indecision and uncertainty that followed. As miscarriages go mine was pretty easy. It happened early before we ever saw or heard a heartbeat. I never had to suffer through the physical pain of actual miscarriage since I had a D&C days after discovering that the pregnancy was a failure. It was all very medical and clean and uncomplicated. Sort of. The emotions that were left behind though and the anguish of knowing my body had failed me was hard to reconcile. And yet now, well it doesn’t really matter now. Because in less than two weeks I’m having a baby.
It is funny how all those meaningless platitudes that people say; “it is for the best”, “God will send you another”, “there is a reason for this” all make sense now. It was good that we had more time to think about this last baby. I do feel ready, or at least as ready as anybody feels for a baby. I’m excited and I have a feeling that this little girl, this little dawdler of mine who is delaying her arrival, well, I suspect she has a wicked sense of humor like her Daddy.
I recently had a student say to me, after hearing me complain about labor pain, “I NEVER want to get pregnant. I don’t know how you did it three times.” Yep, we women, we’re crazy like that aren’t we?